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Not very amicable split
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Thanks guys.
We had another big barney this morning. All about how I don't do anything, and how I was out of the house from 9am till midnight on Monday (er, I was working for most of that, and how dare I actually meet up with my brother and go out to the theatre after work).
So I guess he feels unappreciated. Well, I don't get no thanks for going out to work either! Think he thinks I'm getting my hair done all day.
Must admit it was probably me who started the row as he mentioned the baby again this morning and I said that I had told my boss about it. Then I said I was glad as things had to change as they couldn't carry on as they were, and described yesterday to him.
I basically got up, dealt with daughter, milk, dressing etc. until he drove me to the station. Full day at work with a pounding headache which he knew about. Got home, put dinner on (he sat in garden with a friend, making a point of not letting me join them by only putting out two cushions and every time I looked out the door at them, got a "Yeah?"). Bathed daughter, put her to bed, jumped in the car to Essex to pick up something I won on eBay for daughter, back to Asda to pick up a table and chairs, got home, he hadn't done steriliser for her milk, so I did that, made milk, went to bed.
He flew off on one, saying he did housework before he went to the park for the day yesterday. How I never do anything, never see what he does around the house, how he did my ironing (yes he did in fact iron two of my tops). How it was my choice to buy our daughter something on eBay (um, suppose when you have no clue about money, you don't realise how good it is when you get something cheap).
How I just left all the washing things in the sink while he went to "work" on Saturday. He helped a friend do some DIY. The thing is, I am so sure I did actually fill the dishwasher that day, but can't remember for sure, but he's managing to twist it and saying I didn't.
Said I thought it was time to split up, and he said, so why don't you do anything about it then?
Tough times... can't do owt till I go on maternity leave.
Discussed the three day option of work with my boss when I go back after maternity leave. He didn't seem to horrified by it.Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
Mortgages (End 2017) - £180,235.03
(End 2021) - £131,215.25 DID IT!!!
(End 2022) - Target £116,213.810 -
Have you made steps to separate your finances yet?
You can do this now and you most definately do not need to wait til your on maternity leave to do this. Just open a bank accout in your own name, have your wages paid into that and the tax credits, then move the bills over to be paid from that and close those joint accounts, the sooner you do this the better.0 -
Don't make more work for yourself when you don't need to ~ your daughter doesn't need things sterilising now and doesn't need formula, unless she's on a special diet or something?
It's like tit for tat now isn't it ~ I would go and get professional advice as it doesn't look like you are going to be able to sort things out.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
Have you made steps to separate your finances yet?
You can do this now and you most definately do not need to wait til your on maternity leave to do this. Just open a bank accout in your own name, have your wages paid into that and the tax credits, then move the bills over to be paid from that and close those joint accounts, the sooner you do this the better.
Thanks for that. Think I will start paying my wages into my own account for now. And cut the overdraft on the joint account. And stop the credit card that we use as it is in my name and he is a seconary user.
Don't think I can do it with the tax credits as legally(?) they are his as well. I applied for them as a couple, so he is entitled to them, right?Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
Mortgages (End 2017) - £180,235.03
(End 2021) - £131,215.25 DID IT!!!
(End 2022) - Target £116,213.810 -
Yes the tax credits are for him too, not just you, so you wouldn't be able to claim those for yourself.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0
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Don't make more work for yourself when you don't need to ~ your daughter doesn't need things sterilising now and doesn't need formula, unless she's on a special diet or something?
It's like tit for tat now isn't it ~ I would go and get professional advice as it doesn't look like you are going to be able to sort things out.
The sterilising doesn't take long, not quite sure why I still do it, just seems easier to chuck it in the microwave. And it's sma todder milk, she likes the taste, so still give it to her. Maybe I should start her on blue top.
And yep, it definitely is tit for tat which is parp. I can see what he does and I can see that it is tit for tat. But unless I defend myself, I look like I'm agreeing with what he says, which is how it ends up into an argument. Even though I said I wasn't going to do that again in front of daughter. Right, mean it this time.
I think we need time apart, but I honestly have a feeling that he won't leave the house, as it is half his. But definitely going to get the finances in order. Not to screw him over. He can half what is in the savings, although that is going down daily due to things that need doing to his car.Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
Mortgages (End 2017) - £180,235.03
(End 2021) - £131,215.25 DID IT!!!
(End 2022) - Target £116,213.810 -
pollyanna24 wrote: »The sterilising doesn't take long, not quite sure why I still do it, just seems easier to chuck it in the microwave. And it's sma todder milk, she likes the taste, so still give it to her. Maybe I should start her on blue top.
And yep, it definitely is tit for tat which is parp. I can see what he does and I can see that it is tit for tat. But unless I defend myself, I look like I'm agreeing with what he says, which is how it ends up into an argument. Even though I said I wasn't going to do that again in front of daughter. Right, mean it this time.
I think we need time apart, but I honestly have a feeling that he won't leave the house, as it is half his. But definitely going to get the finances in order. Not to screw him over. He can half what is in the savings, although that is going down daily due to things that need doing to his car.
If you want to split, and he wants to, why don't you both book yourselves an appointment with someone who can give you proper professional help?
If he isn't willing to, book one for yourself so you know what you can and can't do and see what you will and won't be entitled to.
Things will only get worse as you get more pregnant, and if things aren't sorted by the time the baby comes, well...can you imagine how much more stress you are going to be under?
P.S. My son was 1 weekend before last, his first drink on his bday was blue top lol, it is soooo much easier than faffing with scoops and sterilisers xTank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
pollyanna24 wrote: »Thanks for that. Think I will start paying my wages into my own account for now. And cut the overdraft on the joint account. And stop the credit card that we use as it is in my name and he is a seconary user.
Don't think I can do it with the tax credits as legally(?) they are his as well. I applied for them as a couple, so he is entitled to them, right?
ring them up and claim for a single person now. Say you are splitting up and finances need to be sorted. Who saved the money in the savings? If it was you then no he isn't entitled to any of it. GO SEE A SOLICITOR!! you really need to think about yourself, your DD and your unborn. He could royally screw you over and you could end up with nothing.What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine..0 -
pollyanna24 wrote: »Thanks for that. Think I will start paying my wages into my own account for now. And cut the overdraft on the joint account. And stop the credit card that we use as it is in my name and he is a seconary ?pollyanna24 wrote: »Don't think I can do it with the tax credits as legally(?) they are his as well. I applied for them as a couple, so he is entitled to them, right?
Phone up the tax credit hotline and explain to them that you are splitting up and will be closing the joint accounts but will for the time being still be in the same house, ask them what is appropriate.
It will have to be paid into an account, to be blunt why not yours as you don't intend not being the resident parent after the split.
At the end of the day its your DD thats entited to them, so if your the one paying for everything for her, its you that needs the money.
I know this is harsh but I do think once you remove the financal cushion from under him, he might all of a sudden, start realising what you've been doing for him and may even start to sort himself out (or not). Though I would expect him to shout and sulk and behave badly about the whole thing. At the end of the day, if your putting food on the table and a roof over his head, he should be able to cover the rest with jobseekers or go and get himself a job at Macy D's or other such fine establishament. Really he should be contributing himself too.0
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