Not very amicable split

shellsuit

Woah hang on.

Is that fair for polly to claim tax credits for her and her daughter (as a single parent) when it's her OH who will be caring for her?

If Polly does claim TC as a lone parent, then her OH could too as he is the main carer so to speak ~ and tax credits won't have that.

If he has no money coming in, then he would have to get a job, which means the daughter would have no carer, so then what?

That's why they need to sort it out ASAP as to who is entitled to do and claim whatever.

pollyanna24

shellsuit wrote: »

Woah hang on.

Is that fair for polly to claim tax credits for her and her daughter (as a single parent) when it's her OH who will be caring for her?

If Polly does claim TC as a lone parent, then her OH could too as he is the main carer so to speak ~ and tax credits won't have that.

If he has no money coming in, then he would have to get a job, which means the daughter would have no carer, so then what?

That's why they need to sort it out ASAP as to who is entitled to do and claim whatever.

Thanks, this is why I haven't done it so far. Althought I do think he is take the biscuit (nice polite term), he is still her main carer and I need someone to look after her while I'm at work. It is swings and roundabouts really.

I don't want to screw him over, I just want more time with my child and for him to contribute more. Oh ho hum. What to do. Going to start sorting things out slowly.

I still feel like I have to pay for his things as he is doing a job, it's just we are disagreeing on how it is done.

I am about to pay for his blooming car insurance for another year now as well. Before people tell me not to, I can't just expect him to suddenly magic money out of nowhere when he has been at home looking after our little one.

Think we need to pull ourselves slowly out of being reliant on each other, me for childcare, him for money. Don't think it can be done overnight.

the_cat

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I am about to pay for his blooming car insurance for another year now as well. Before people tell me not to, I can't just expect him to suddenly magic money out of nowhere when he has been at home looking after our little one.

Why not take the monthly option this time around? A little bit more expensive annually, but you presumably won't be paying his bills for another 12 months?

mummy_Jay

Working tax credits provide funding for childcare, if it is not paid for they do not pay any out to anyone. If OP requires to pay for childcare as a working parent she could claim this.

They are splitting up, so the money hast to be paid to one or other.

The money from tax credits and child benefit are to provide for the child not for the adults to use as pin money, pay there phone bills etc. Is it fair for the child to miss out so that daddy can use her as a cash cow?

The ex should be claiming income support since loosing his job, so will not be left without an income.

But one issue raised was his unwilliness to even look at working part-time.

And there is an option for nan to help out with childcare, an option that looks necessary (for the childs development of social skills) whether or not he continues to be at home full time.

They are not a couple she needs to put her children and herself first, he is a grown up and perfectly able to sort himself out.

shellsuit

mummy_Jay wrote: »

Working tax credits provide funding for childcare, if it is not paid for they do not pay any out to anyone. If OP requires to pay for childcare as a working parent she could claim this. I can't see Dad being pleased to have his daughter go to a childminder just so polly can claim tax credits/childcare!

They are splitting up, so the money hast to be paid to one or other.

The money from tax credits and child benefit are to provide for the child not for the adults to use as pin money, pay there phone bills etc. Is it fair for the child to miss out so that daddy can use her as a cash cow? If Daddy was using his daughter as a cash cow, it's not paying very well is it, as OP pays for most things. And I'm sorry, but that is an awful thing to say. Whatever differences the OP and him have, she has said he is a good Dad.

The ex should be claiming income support since loosing his job, so will not be left without an income.

But one issue raised was his unwilliness to even look at working part-time.

And there is an option for nan to help out with childcare, an option that looks necessary (for the childs development of social skills) whether or not he continues to be at home full time.

They are not a couple she needs to put her children and herself first, he is a grown up and perfectly able to sort himself out.

Her daughter is fine, Daddy is looking after her!


It's a really messy situation ~ maybe he doesn't think he needs a job because polly is working?

Maybe he likes staying at home with his daughter (regardless to what polly has been told by her friends)

I know I'd be put out if my OH told me I needed to get a job and put our baby into childcare.

shellsuit

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thanks, this is why I haven't done it so far. Althought I do think he is take the biscuit (nice polite term), he is still her main carer and I need someone to look after her while I'm at work. It is swings and roundabouts really.

I don't want to screw him over, I just want more time with my child and for him to contribute more. Oh ho hum. What to do. Going to start sorting things out slowly.

I still feel like I have to pay for his things as he is doing a job, it's just we are disagreeing on how it is done.

I am about to pay for his blooming car insurance for another year now as well. Before people tell me not to, I can't just expect him to suddenly magic money out of nowhere when he has been at home looking after our little one.

Think we need to pull ourselves slowly out of being reliant on each other, me for childcare, him for money. Don't think it can be done overnight.

If you are serious about splitting, you must not do this!

You are giving him mixed messages.

You're not happy about him not getting a job, but you will hand over money willy nilly and pay for things for him?

It's either got to be all, or nothing.

Raini

shellsuit wrote: »

I know I'd be put out if my OH told me I needed to get a job and put our baby into childcare.

Even if he asked you to work part time so he could do that as well and you could share the child care?

Raini

OP, the only way I can see you getting out of this situation is by selling the house. You can't make your OH move out. My friend is going through a very nasty divorce and he won't move out. The police can't make him, as although he is vile and verbally abusive in front of the children he doesn't leave a mark on her. They are having to sell the house, they are both still living there but he is making it all very difficult. The house has been on the market for around 10 months but he won't lower the value as it suits him to stay there. They share the childcare.

The only thing I think you can do to get yourself out of this situation is move in with you mom (is that possible) go down to 3 days a week now and put the house on the market unless he want to buy it off you.

pollyanna24

Raini wrote: »

OP, the only way I can see you getting out of this situation is by selling the house. You can't make your OH move out. My friend is going through a very nasty divorce and he won't move out. The police can't make him, as although he is vile and verbally abusive in front of the children he doesn't leave a mark on her. They are having to sell the house, they are both still living there but he is making it all very difficult. The house has been on the market for around 10 months but he won't lower the value as it suits him to stay there. They share the childcare.

The only thing I think you can do to get yourself out of this situation is move in with you mom (is that possible) go down to 3 days a week now and put the house on the market unless he want to buy it off you.

Thanks. Trying to take everything on board.

I could go live at my mums. He has suggested this. Who pays the bills in the meantime? He seems to think me!

Do I take daughter with me?

My mum works at the moment, but has said in the past she will retire if I need her to, otherwise she will work till she is 64 (when my dad is 65).

msb5262

Hi pollyanna24,
You need to have a major talk with your mum about possible future help with childcare. Until this part of the situation is sorted, you can't move forward.
Best of luck
MsB