cougar problem

galvanizersbaby

pickle wrote: »

If you're worried about Down's Syndrome you can ask for an amniocentesis . They also test at the same time for various other genetic disabilities. The test is a lot more conclusive than others. Maybe the reason that more Down's Syndrome children are born to younger mothers is that older mothers ask for more diagnostic testing for it?

I believe there is a relatively high risk of miscarriage with amnio so most mothers will only go through with this if the non invasive screening test (nucal scan, Barts etc) indicates there may be a problem.

OP - I think if you are fit and healthy I don't see why you shouldn't have another child

angelicmary85

pickle wrote: »

Maybe the reason that more Down's Syndrome children are born to younger mothers is that older mothers ask for more diagnostic testing for it?

I believe the reason is that it's not 'expected' to happen with younger mothers, therefore, they aren't offered amnio or any further screening after the inital bloodtest.

galvanizersbaby

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I believe the reason is that it's not 'expected' to happen with younger mothers, therefore, they aren't offered amnio or any further screening after the inital bloodtest.

I think any mother (regardless of age) would be offered an amnio if they came back high risk as a result of undergoing one of the screening tests.

My colleagues daughter (21) recently underwent an amnio - she was recommended to have one as her nuchal scan had shown her to have a high risk of having a baby with Downs but I remember she was very concerned about the risk of miscarriage.
Fortunately all was well and baby is now 4 months old.

Frugalista

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

a married friend of mine told me the other day that she wants to have an affair because she is bored - kind of makes marriage a mockery to me.

Kind of makes your friend a shallow !!!!!! with no sense of commitment .

jonty1970

Joined slimming world and already loast 2 stone! :rotfl:
I asked for that didn't I . I joined last year, lost the 2 stone and have kept it off and going back to lose some more.

angelicmary85

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I think any mother (regardless of age) would be offered an amnio if they came back high risk as a result of undergoing one of the screening tests.

My colleagues daughter (21) recently underwent an amnio - she was recommended to have one as her nuchal scan had shown her to have a high risk of having a baby with Downs but I remember she was very concerned about the risk of miscarriage.
Fortunately all was well and baby is now 4 months old.

Not all parts of Britain offer a 20week scan and if you can't afford to pay to have one privately, then you won't know.

The test comes back high risk depending on which test tube you are

e.g - If the risk of carrying a baby with Down's is 1 in 365 pregnancies your blood test is number 364 then you won't be classed as high risk but if you're 365 then you would be (regardless of age)

That was explained to my by a consultant and a genetisist (sp?)

jonty1970

skypie123 wrote: »

I am more worried by the fact you refer to yourself as a cougar.
To me that says you see your OH as a status symbol of some sort because he is younger and trivialises the relationship.
Although you deny it I feel you are only considering this baby to keep him.
In your OP you say 'I am too old for babies' or something to that effect.

You're on the wrong track there. I used Cougar, as there is a program on the TV now, so it's a fashionable term. The age doesn't matter to us or to our family and friends. The age is the only thing I am worried about, if I was to try for a baby.

I am certainly not trying to keep him. That's not a good reason to have a baby, just to keep a man. I have told him to leave if he wants a family, in case I can't or don't want anymore. I am prepared for the fact, in 10 years or so, he might want children and we will slpit up. But the way he loves me and how happy we are, I don't think he would leave me. His words -"I never thought I would meet someone like you"
Life wouldn't end if he did leave me.
My first husband died of a terrible illnes and I was left with 2 young children and pregnant
I'm a tough old boot and got through that and lots of other things with my kids!

He is looking for a new job at the moment as he is always tired and he can't keep doing the long hours.

I will come back with an update and let you all know if we do try for a baby
And thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply

I feel more confident about it and not too old. It just depends how I feel in a few months. Hopefully thinner and fitter too!

galvanizersbaby

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Not all parts of Britain offer a 20week scan and if you can't afford to pay to have one privately, then you won't know.

The test comes back high risk depending on which test tube you are

e.g - If the risk of carrying a baby with Down's is 1 in 365 pregnancies your blood test is number 364 then you won't be classed as high risk but if you're 365 then you would be (regardless of age)

That was explained to my by a consultant and a genetisist (sp?)

It's a bit different where I am - everyone is offered a screening test between 10 and 13 weeks (I think it is) - this is either BARTS (which is a blood test think the same as you are referring to) and this is what I had when pg with son (which basically calculates a risk factor along with mothers age) or a nuchal fold scan specifically for Downs I think (measures nuchal fold and again calculates a risk factor along with mothers age).
Based on the results of the screening test it is then down to the mother to decide but with a high risk result amnio would be offered and then down to mum to decide.

Of course both tests are no accurate - just an indication - often false positive so really down to Mum to decide whether to go on to have an amnio.

I had a nuchal fold scan privately when pg 6 years ago with DD but it is now offered on the NHS here.

Then you get the 20 week scan also.

I think it is a bit unfair that some regions of the country don't offer the same maternity care

Anyway good luck OP - keep us posted

nottslass_2

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Not all parts of Britain offer a 20week scan and if you can't afford to pay to have one privately, then you won't know.

The test comes back high risk depending on which test tube you are

e.g - If the risk of carrying a baby with Down's is 1 in 365 pregnancies your blood test is number 364 then you won't be classed as high risk but if you're 365 then you would be (regardless of age)

That was explained to my by a consultant and a genetisist (sp?)

Its not the 20 week scan that is done to asses the risk of Downs - its the NTT (sorry can't remember its full name) which is done before 14
weeks.

To be honest there are a lot worse "conditions" a child can have than downs syndrome and many people choose not to have the test anyway.

misgrace

skypie123 wrote: »

I am more worried by the fact you refer to yourself as a cougar.
To me that says you see your OH as a status symbol of some sort because he is younger and trivialises the relationship.
Although you deny it I feel you are only considering this baby to keep him.
In your OP you say 'I am too old for babies' or something to that effect.

I am a cougar also , I never went out of my way to be one lol, it just happened.
I have always gone out with younger men, and I married one, we have been married for 10 years.
He had no children and I had two, I made it clear that I didnt want kids, he said he didnt either, but I could tell that he had a yearning for a child of his own, but when I weighed everything up I just didnt want anymore.

I had my kids very young and missed out of the teenage things, as I was a teenage mother, so over the years I am doing all I want to do now.

Am glad now that we didnt have kids, as things are not going well too now.

You have to think why you want a child for him, or with him, is it because its to keep him happy, or keep him at home, or you think by having his child that he will be with you forever.

I found out early in life to take nothing for granted, if you do decide to have a child, do it for the right reasons