cougar problem

C_Mababejive

FWIW i do think marriage is important in this case and,indeed,in any relationship where children are contemplated.

Its a big commitment and not to be taken lightly.

If a guy wants a woman to have his child, he needs to be fully signed on to it.

Anything else is simply a fudge.

POPPYOSCAR

C_Mababejive wrote: »

FWIW i do think marriage is important in this case and,indeed,in any relationship where children are contemplated.

Its a big commitment and not to be taken lightly.

If a guy wants a woman to have his child, he needs to be fully signed on to it.

Anything else is simply a fudge.

Have to disagree with you there.I have been with my partner for 20 years and we have 2 children.I see no need to get married.I have been to many weddings over the years, great day, big dress, huge proclamations of love and then a few years down the line - divorce.We have a friend who has been married twice, 2nd time lasted a year! You do not have to be married to be committed to your children or to each other.

POPPYOSCAR

jonty1970 wrote: »

I will only do it if it's right for me, as I will be the one doing the main caring. OH works very long hours and alternate shifts every other week, so I would be on my own most of the time.
He would love a baby, but he worrys about my health (we don't actually know any older mums) The press is mostly negative about older mums, in my opinion, and you seem to hear the stories about ill children or mums.
Or is it just picking up the bad points!

I could do with losing a few pounds first! anyway!
I have told him, it's soon or not at all. Over 45/6 is my cut off point!

He won't leave me if I don't get pregnant, and if he did ever say that, he would get my boot up his backside on the way out the door!

It's lovely to hear from other older mums! Thanks again

Only you can make the decision if having a baby and in your particular circumstances it would work, as having had children before would go some way as to knowing what you are letting yourself in for.Only you will know if you can cope with partner working long hours etc. some people will be able to some won't. I think we have seen from this thread that a lot of older mums do ok and that there are probably more about than you would think.
Whatever you decide to do it would be interesting to be updated either way.

skypie123_2

I am more worried by the fact you refer to yourself as a cougar.
To me that says you see your OH as a status symbol of some sort because he is younger and trivialises the relationship.
Although you deny it I feel you are only considering this baby to keep him.
In your OP you say 'I am too old for babies' or something to that effect.

skypie123_2

lucylucky wrote: »

Have you seen the divorce rates?

Marriage may be a commitment but not necessarily. It doesn't need to have anything to do with deciding to have children.

I agree it doesn't need to have to do with deciding to have children. As I said marriage is a commitment to the other partner. It is still better to have made that commitment to each other if you are thinking of having children but not necessary.
Also can I ask what the split rates are for couples who don't bother to get married? I would guess that maybe they are greater.
And I think you will find that marriage IS a commitment not 'may'. Thats the whole point of it.

C_Mababejive

When i talk of marriage i mean not just the lovey dovey stuff but the taking on and absolute acceptance of extra responsibilities both moral,practical and legal.

POPPYOSCAR

How is marriage a commitment when it is so easy to get divorced? I have never had an affair or wanted to but a married friend of mine told me the other day that she wants to have an affair because she is bored - kind of makes marriage a mockery to me.
'
If you need marriage to feel commited then fine get married, if you don't then where's the problem.

skypie123_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

How is marriage a commitment when it is so easy to get divorced? I have never had an affair or wanted to but a married friend of mine told me the other day that she wants to have an affair because she is bored - kind of makes marriage a mockery to me.
'
If you need marriage to feel commited then fine get married, if you don't then where's the problem.

I guess its all down to your view of marriage. Your friend wanting to have an affair is nothing to do with marriage,. its to do with the state of her relationship. Plenty of people who don't get married cheat and split up. Not getting married isn't a guarantee that your OH won't cheat on you nor is getting married. I suppose it is down to your values. I'm not quite sure how you can claim it isn't a commitment to get married. Many people value their marriages and to them it is the ultimate commitment.

angelicmary85

property.advert wrote: »

That is true but the percentage chance increases with age. It is a greater consideration than when you are 20 for instance.

That may be but a consultant told me that more babies with Down's Syndrome are born to younger mothers are more women in the 'normal' age range are having children than those outwith that age range.

Yes, the OP would have to be made aware of the possibility...but no-one makes you aware when you pregnant at a younger age.

The point I am trying to make is that there is a chance whatever age you are that your child may be born with a genetic defect or abnormality, it doesn't have to be mentioned above all the other things that should be considered when you are thinking about having a child.

pickle

If you're worried about Down's Syndrome you can ask for an amniocentesis . They also test at the same time for various other genetic disabilities. The test is a lot more conclusive than others. Maybe the reason that more Down's Syndrome children are born to younger mothers is that older mothers ask for more diagnostic testing for it?