When is the best month to have a baby?

cleopatra4485

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I'm not sure why you've quoted mistrihelen's post - I don't think she was trying to put anyone down?
I'm not sure anyone was 'trying to keep the infertile girls in line' as you put it either.
I for one just thought it was a bit harsh the OP being told her post was tactless and being made to feel she had done something wrong by trying to plan the best month to have a baby.

I agree. There is nothing wrong with trying to plan for a baby (more often than not it doesn't work out that way) but being put on a guilt trip for it, I thought was a bit OTT. We all have disappointments and things that just do not go our way in life and no-one wishes that upon you, but they shouldn't be taken out on everyone else. My advise is to not read threads, with a title that you feel may upset you.

mistrihelen

dizziblonde wrote: »

We all know that infertility's this evil thing you catch if you talk about it!

No, I'm not going to apologize for mentioning that life doesn't turn out as you plan it to. Why the hell should I? I posted in a very calm manner pointing out how things change as you wait and wait.

HOW DARE YOU EXPECT US TO APOLOGIZE FOR DARING TO TALK ABOUT HOW HIDEOUSLY PAINFUL INFERTILITY IS!??"!?!?!?! We already all hide away too much, hide horrific pain away behind smiles after joyful announcement after joyful announcement. We feel acutely that we don't fit into the convenient world's plan - and we're disadvantaged, made to feel like second class citizens, constantly locked out in favour of the "family friendly" world we live in.... and daring to turn around and say, "wait a minute - it's not as simple as 'insert todger... cook for 9 months... recieve baby'" and WE'RE being talked down to and made to feel like !!!! for it?!

Notice how it's those who had life fall how they'd planned who are the ones trying to keep the infertile girls in line here isn't it... charming.

Report me if you like - ban me if you want to cos I swore - I don't actually care. But don't you DARE make ONE SINGLE WOMAN feel worse than they do because they suffer from infertility. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT.

Hi, I hope you'll come back and say you didn't mean to quote me, because if you reread hopefully you'll see I was actually agreeing with many of your points. I might be pregnant now (thanks to the NHS, though am still terrified or whether or not I'll get a happy, healthy baby at the end of it), but I'm still infertile. It does frustrate me when infertile women have to feel ashamed or as if they should apologise for pointing out that things aren't always rosy.

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Sometimes this can happen but other times not - some people don't struggle to concieve so they are not disappointed.
I think there's nothing wrong with others pointing out that there is no perfect time and things don't always go to plan but at the same time I feel it's a bit harsh for the OP to be told that her post is tactless and to just be thankfull if she can get pregnant.:(

I know what you mean and I don't think there's any harm in wondering, and maybe beginning to ttc at a certain point so that if you fell straight away it would be at the right time. I just think you never know who's reading and it's good to present the other side of sometimes no amount of planning works!

And it's not just from the infertile point of view - often people give birth late or early and still miss out on a chosen month. I didn't think the OP was tactless - just naive in some ways (I don't mean that in an uber-critical way, either). I would honestly wish people all the best for conceiving as quickly and easily as possible.

bestpud

mistrihelen wrote: »

Hi, I hope you'll come back and say you didn't mean to quote me, because if you reread hopefully you'll see I was actually agreeing with many of your points. I might be pregnant now (thanks to the NHS, though am still terrified or whether or not I'll get a happy, healthy baby at the end of it), but I'm still infertile. It does frustrate me when infertile women have to feel ashamed or as if they should apologise for pointing out that things aren't always rosy.



I know what you mean and I don't think there's any harm in wondering, and maybe beginning to ttc at a certain point so that if you fell straight away it would be at the right time. I just think you never know who's reading and it's good to present the other side of sometimes no amount of planning works!

And it's not just from the infertile point of view - often people give birth late or early and still miss out on a chosen month. I didn't think the OP was tactless - just naive in some ways (I don't mean that in an uber-critical way, either). I would honestly wish people all the best for conceiving as quickly and easily as possible.

This argument can be turned on its head though. There is threads for people to discuss the highs and lows of ttc and therefore, it is unreasonable to expect others to avoid the subject of pregnancy altogether.

It seems to me people become very wrapped up in ttc and this probably affects how they feel others perceive them. Unfortunately, it is also true that smiley faces don't cover the disappointment inside and people will know that.

I've been the new mum when someone I know was desperately jealous and came to visit out of duty. She tried to hide it but I knew how she felt and I was heartfelt sorry that she wasn't in my position. It's difficult to know what to do for the best in those situations - for both sides.

I'd also like to add I may have had my children without a hitch but that doesn't mean my life has gone to plan or been a bed of roses.

Everyone has problems to deal with, some of us more than others, but we can't censor every reference to our pain.

But anyway, I agree - these things can't always be planned but we don't need to make the OP feel bad for asking - it's a natural question and this is an open forum.

galvanizersbaby

mistrihelen wrote: »

Hi, I hope you'll come back and say you didn't mean to quote me, because if you reread hopefully you'll see I was actually agreeing with many of your points. I might be pregnant now (thanks to the NHS, though am still terrified or whether or not I'll get a happy, healthy baby at the end of it), but I'm still infertile. It does frustrate me when infertile women have to feel ashamed or as if they should apologise for pointing out that things aren't always rosy.



I know what you mean and I don't think there's any harm in wondering, and maybe beginning to ttc at a certain point so that if you fell straight away it would be at the right time. I just think you never know who's reading and it's good to present the other side of sometimes no amount of planning works!

And it's not just from the infertile point of view - often people give birth late or early and still miss out on a chosen month. I didn't think the OP was tactless - just naive in some ways (I don't mean that in an uber-critical way, either). I would honestly wish people all the best for conceiving as quickly and easily as possible.

Yes I think it's sensible to present the other side (commonsense even) and most posting on this thread have - I'm not sure from OP's opening post below that she is completely naive in the matter though.

What I would like to know is when is the best time of year to have a baby? Obviously I know it might take a while to conceive but I'd like to know what experiences people have had being heavily pregnant or coping with a newborn at different times of year.

I certainly don't think people should feel ashamed either for pointing out things don't always go as planned where babies and pregnancies are concerned - just feel it's wrong to insinuate the OP is wrong and should feel ashamed or should have considered her audience better before posting.
I think at the end of the day most of us know somebody for who planning/having children has been difficult.

Edit - mistrihelen - forgot to add I hope all goes well for you with the baby

mistrihelen

bestpud wrote: »

This argument can be turned on its head though. There is threads for people to discuss the highs and lows of ttc and therefore, it is unreasonable to expect others to avoid the subject of pregnancy altogether.

It seems to me people become very wrapped up in ttc and this probably affects how they feel others perceive them. Unfortunately, it is also true that smiley faces don't cover the disappointment inside and people will know that.

I've been the new mum when someone I know was desperately jealous and came to visit out of duty. She tried to hide it but I knew how she felt and I was heartfelt sorry that she wasn't in my position. It's difficult to know what to do for the best in those situations - for both sides.

I'd also like to add I may have had my children without a hitch but that doesn't mean my life has gone to plan or been a bed of roses.

Everyone has problems to deal with, some of us more than others, but we can't censor every reference to our pain.

But anyway, I agree - these things can't always be planned but we don't need to make the OP feel bad for asking - it's a natural question and this is an open forum.

Yep and I agree too - don't want to go around in circles too much . Don't think OP should feel bad, but I don't think those ttc'ing should be made to feel bad just for saying 'you can try for X but it might happen in Y' either. Ask a question and you're not always going to get happyhappy replies (so long as they're constructive/advice, I think that's okay).

mistrihelen

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Yes I think it's sensible to present the other side (commonsense even) and most posting on this thread have - I'm not sure from OP's opening post below that she is completely naive in the matter though.

What I would like to know is when is the best time of year to have a baby? Obviously I know it might take a while to conceive but I'd like to know what experiences people have had being heavily pregnant or coping with a newborn at different times of year.

I certainly don't think people should feel ashamed either for pointing out things don't always go as planned where babies and pregnancies are concerned - just feel it's wrong to insinuate the OP is wrong and should feel ashamed or should have considered her audience better before posting.
I think at the end of the day most of us know somebody for who planning/having children has been difficult.

Ok, guess I was wrong there. Not sure what I'm doing posting tbh, was just trying to politely show the other side and I seem to have dug myself a big hole. I don't think she should be ashamed - my point was just that I don't think anyone should be so long as they're actually giving advice. Eg my first post in this thread was just to say Autumn babies would be lovely, but I'm happy with my June one - there was no intentional insinuating going on there, in fact I was trying to be on topic and helpful! Will step away from keyboard and big spade now

bestpud

mistrihelen wrote: »

Ok, guess I was wrong there. Not sure what I'm doing posting tbh, was just trying to politely show the other side and I seem to have dug myself a big hole. I don't think she should be ashamed - my point was just that I don't think anyone should be so long as they're actually giving advice. Eg my first post in this thread was just to say Autumn babies would be lovely, but I'm happy with my June one - there was no intentional insinuating going on there, in fact I was trying to be on topic and helpful! Will step away from keyboard and big spade now

Lol, I've done that before now!

I get your point though, if that helps!

cleopatra4485

mistrihelen wrote: »

Ok, guess I was wrong there. Not sure what I'm doing posting tbh, was just trying to politely show the other side and I seem to have dug myself a big hole. I don't think she should be ashamed - my point was just that I don't think anyone should be so long as they're actually giving advice. Eg my first post in this thread was just to say Autumn babies would be lovely, but I'm happy with my June one - there was no intentional insinuating going on there, in fact I was trying to be on topic and helpful! Will step away from keyboard and big spade now

:rotfl:its always the way on here, things tend to spiral off topic, in this case a debate about infertility when the op was just asking a question about the best time to get pregnant. I have asked a question on the pets bored about the best natured dog around a child and it has turned into a debate about leaving your dog at home

galvanizersbaby

mistrihelen wrote: »

Ok, guess I was wrong there. Not sure what I'm doing posting tbh, was just trying to politely show the other side and I seem to have dug myself a big hole. I don't think she should be ashamed - my point was just that I don't think anyone should be so long as they're actually giving advice. Eg my first post in this thread was just to say Autumn babies would be lovely, but I'm happy with my June one - there was no intentional insinuating going on there, in fact I was trying to be on topic and helpful! Will step away from keyboard and big spade now

:rotfl:No your just expressing your opinion.
I think we're all in agreement that no one should be ashamed here.

I had an October baby and a March one - October baby was planned (but I didn't even think about it being a good thing he being oldest in the school year at the time) and March one was a happy accident but to be honest I didn't enjoy being pregnant (though concieved easily had miscarriages and in my first pregnancy especially I felt I couldn't relax and let my guard down until he was in my arms)
If I were to plan another child now to be honest I don't think the ideal month would have any bearing for me personally but I do understand that others try and take this in to account.

bestpud

cleopatra4485 wrote: »

:rotfl:its always the way on here, things tend to spiral off topic, in this case a debate about infertility when the op was just asking a question about the best time to get pregnant. I have asked a question on the pets bored about the best natured dog around a child and it has turned into a debate about leaving your dog at home

:rotfl: We all like to have our say, that's the problem! :rotfl:

I find breastfeeding ones the best, on every forum, not just this one - they always get out of hand!