How long do you wait for a proposal???

Tamsin_Temrin

I once had a neighbour who 'forgot' to take the pill to try and keep her OH. It was ages ago, they were actually married and they kept off applying for the decree absolute until the child was born so that he would not be illegitimate. Her 'accidental' pregnancy was the last straw. The house was repossessed after the divorce, it was a real car crash.

I am sure that the OP is not trying this. It is not a good idea. Especially if you make the man feel manipulated.

smorri4

Hello again

wow you guys are presumptuous. I wanted this post to be exclusively about my long wait for a proposal as i knew as soon as i brought the baby situation into equation people would start laying into me.

The words out of my boyfriends mouth around engagement are 'i will ask when i am ready, the more you 'go on' about it the less i want to ask you'.

Secondly text from boyfriend 'i am happy to have kids whenever, if you want to start trying now then lets go for it' 13.03.10

i recently came off pill anyway as i had a thrombosis in leg and so its seemed ideal time to try! And yes we are buying a bigger property as we feel we can afford to, and its not often your offered a property for 180k when its actually worth £225k - plus no chain, no estate agents, only solicitors fees - so yes we are buying and trying for a buba

- but my question is still why i am waiting for the proposal! and from what responses i have had on here the majority seem to think my 7 year relationship has been a waste of my time and that i am never going to be the blushing bride - i thought this forum was meant to be supportive and friendly - fool me!

thanks for the 10% who offered something positive and advisory - much appreciated.

Tamsin_Temrin

smorri4 wrote: »

The words out of my boyfriends mouth around engagement are 'i will ask when i am ready, the more you 'go on' about it the less i want to ask you'.

.

I once knew someone who kept wedding magazines in the fridge to hint for a proposal. She never got married. ETA I havent seen her for years so she may have married someone else. I hope (sincerely) that it works out for you.

Zazen999

smorri4 wrote: »

Hello again

wow you guys are presumptuous. I wanted this post to be exclusively about my long wait for a proposal as i knew as soon as i brought the baby situation into equation people would start laying into me.

The words out of my boyfriends mouth around engagement are 'i will ask when i am ready, the more you 'go on' about it the less i want to ask you'.

Secondly text from boyfriend 'i am happy to have kids whenever, if you want to start trying now then lets go for it' 13.03.10

i recently came off pill anyway as i had a thrombosis in leg and so its seemed ideal time to try! And yes we are buying a bigger property as we feel we can afford to, and its not often your offered a property for 180k when its actually worth £225k - plus no chain, no estate agents, only solicitors fees - so yes we are buying and trying for a buba

- but my question is still why i am waiting for the proposal! and from what responses i have had on here the majority seem to think my 7 year relationship has been a waste of my time and that i am never going to be the blushing bride - i thought this forum was meant to be supportive and friendly - fool me!

thanks for the 10% who offered something positive and advisory - much appreciated.

Well, you did ask for views, rather than just positive views. And that's what you got.

hieveryone

I've never understood those who ask for opinions, and then moan when they get ones they don't like.

OP, some people may say that waiting 7 years is a waste of time and unlikely to go anywhere, but then again others will say that you should be happy with what you've got, and if it's going to happen it'll happen. That's just the nature of an online forum where there are a mix of users.

To be perfectly honest - which I'm assuming you wanted from people - you seem a bit obsessed with getting married and maybe know deep down that your partner won't ask you anytime soon. I'd be concerned about a man willing to have a baby to me but not to marry me.

*Louise*

smorri4 wrote: »

Secondly text from boyfriend 'i am happy to have kids whenever, if you want to start trying now then lets go for it' 13.03.10

A sure sign there we are in the modern age

Seriously, I wish you and your bf luck, and if you are preg then congrats to you both.

Some guys just don't want to get married, some are scared, I reckon if you stop mentioning it he will come round to it and pop the question

Dinah93

Firstly, if you are pregnant, congrats, a baby is a blessing and a joyous event. I have no judgement on you having a baby unmarried, I'm saying this now because my next bit may sound harsh, its not meant to, its just as I see it.

You're living with him, bought a house, and having a baby with him out of marriage. He has absolutely no reason to propose, because everything people usually do within marriage has been done already. Men don't dream about their wedding, they generally dread the bills it comes with too. If he wanted to propose he'd have done it within the last 7 years, thats plenty of oppertunity, and he clearly doesn't, this doesn't make him less committed, it takes less time to get out of a morgage than a marriage on average, it just means you might have to accept that marriage isn't going to be on the cards in the forseeable future.

borokat

From what I have read, I don't see any reason why your boyfriend would not want to marry you - but equally he doesn't have any real incentive to ask.
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years and we got engaged at Christmas. Although we live together I wasn't keen on having children before marriage and he was aware of this. Hopefully after we are married this is something we can think about.

One word of advice - do not go on about getting married. Nagging will not make it happen quicker. Also he might e planning to propose already and wants it to be a surprise, you don't want to ruin this! I hope it all works out for you but maybe as you are still quite young you should sort out your house, save up for a wedding and then have kids (you can still do all this well before you turn 30 by my reckoning which is pretty good going!)

daska

Apologies, pointing out those facts wasn't meant to be presumptuous but you wanted opinions on how long you should wait for a proposal. The facts as you presented them potentially skewed the responses you got as you didn't paint an entirely accurate picture.

And, ok, I'll be blunt, the way you write that you have a plan without mentioning actively trying for a child and buying a larger house do potentially make it sound as if you're trying to trap him.

Conversely, if you've proposed and he's said no yet still agreed to start trying for a family... well, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting. But then, I've been left holding the baby twice now (bad judgement on my part for the first and overwhelming circumstances for the second) so I could never truthfully tell you I think you're behaving sensibly by not insisting on that legal commitment. It's not romantic but marriage is essentially a legal property contract to protect the weaker party, which is usually the woman.

[Deleted User]

smorri4 wrote: »

Hello again

The words out of my boyfriends mouth around engagement are 'i will ask when i am ready, the more you 'go on' about it the less i want to ask you'.

I think that u have already had your answer. Good on him for being honest. This is a clear sign post honey.

I'm afraid I would feel the same. The more someone tried to pressure me into something (a something that was going to be planned to the last detail and cost a fortune whether I wanted it to or not) the harder I'd dig my heels in and say no. Even if part of me wanted to.

Be careful u don't emasculate him about this. At the moment its the only way he can stand up for himself, by saying no.

My OH when we got together said he'd never ever get married again.., I didn't want to either so never hinted or asked. Two years later he did ask, but lol, life being what it is, I don't feel any differently (good reasons for that but it does show that standing back can work if that's what u want).

I'd also be asking myself if u wanted to marry me or just wanted to get married.

Please think seriously about these things. To me, I'm afraid u sound a bit young to actually be married. Marriage is about loving someone enough to put themselves before you.., its about compromise and I can't really see much sign of compromise in what u are writing. What u want seems to come first.