How long do you wait for a proposal???

smorri4

many thanks for all of the responses - although i must admit some were quite hard to read as they didn't say what i wanted to hear about my boyf not wanting to marry me etc.

I totally believe marriage is up to an individual couple and should only be pursued for the right reasons - that is why i am not bothered about a big expensive wedding, nor am i in a rush - i am a planner, i like to organise - but also my boyfriend doesn't so it works for us - i do all of our accounts/finances etc and he fixes things in the house and does the gardening.

i appreciate that i have probably scared him off a bit with some of my 'subtle' comments in the past - but equally its incredibly hard not to reflect on your own life situation when everyone around you is committing by marriage or children. I feel stuck, like i am never going to progress to the next step and i have to try and keep that up inside.

many thanks for all the comments - i will keep you posted on how the next 7 years goes!

daska

Maybe you need to be less subtle? Either decide that it's not important to you or insist that if he genuinely wants to get married that you set a date and budget and get it done. Personally I wouldn't have children with someone who wasn't prepared to make a legal commitment to me.

jonty1970

You don't HAVE to be married to be happy.
But, it's nice to say "my husband" instead of "my boyfriend"
It might be old fashioned and some people are happy without a ring on their finger, but it's what OP wants and I think the boyfriend needs to get down on one knee!
What is the big deal for him?
Do you think he will marry you one day?

Tammer

jonty1970 wrote: »

You don't HAVE to be married to be happy.
But, it's nice to say "my husband" instead of "my boyfriend"
It might be old fashioned and some people are happy without a ring on their finger, but it's what OP wants and I think the boyfriend needs to get down on one knee!
What is the big deal for him?
Do you think he will marry you one day?

The big deal's probably the £15k he'll have to shell out.

kettlefish

If marriage really is "just a piece of paper", why the big deal about avoiding it when he knows it's what she wants? If one partner has a strong opinion on something, be that having fish and chips for tea or wanting a brown carpet, and the other partner has no real opinion, then the one without the strong opinion would tend to go along with the other one. Of course I'm not suggesting one should automatically get their own way if both have strong and opposing ideas on something, but if it really was unimportant to the man he would do it. He obviously does have a strong opinion, but that is unfortunately that now isn't the right time.

SkintGypsy

To my mind it's about intentions. If you know you want to get married before you have children for example, and after 7 years he is not ready to take that step for whatever reason, what is to say he is not still going to be dragging his heels when you are knocking on 30/35 and you are still waiting? Women don't have forever to decide to have kids, so if you waste your childbearing years on a man who is stringing you along, then you would be better off knowing sooner rather than later and making your own choices about how your future will be. You don't have to wait for him to decide he will graciously offer you what you want. You can tell him what you want and give him the choice as to whether he shares it with you or you can walk away and find someone who wants what you do.

He sounds like a thoroughly decent bloke though, so be open and honest about what you want and why.

ellay864

My OH and I have both been divorced, each of us having marriages that broke up after our spouses cheated on us. Given that we were 40 and 48 when we met 6 years ago there was never the question of us having kids and he always said that as we didn't have that 'stage' in life to move on to there wasn't a need to marry. Plus he felt very wary having had it go wrong once before. I had felt like that but then I started feeling like I wanted to be able to have a marriage that worked....I didn't want my only marriage to have been a failed sham. OK I know there's no guarantee that a second one would work, and statistically it doesn't look good, but it became more and more important to me that the two of us were married, in some ways I saw it as making it as 'real' as my first...sounds daft but that's how I felt.
He said hell would have to freeze over before he'd go down that path again...then last year he whisked me off on a surpise birthday trip to Switzerland, took me to a mountain top in the snow. I hate the cold and heights so he pointed out it must be hell for me...and it was all frozen over...and then he produced the ring. We're both now enjoying planning for the wedding next year and although I know it doesn't guarantee security it means so much to me that he's able to make that commitment after his fears.
Hope you and him can work this out so he understands how you feel without terrifying the poor guy lol. In the meantime it still sounds like you have a lovely guy so enjoy that and try not to worry too much about the future

old_motters

My aunt and uncle were together 35 years before getting married. If your boyf ticks all the boxes why worry about whether you have a ring or not?

I would however, look to cover yourself financially should things end. Marriage is still much more rigorous in that area.

jonty1970

You don't have to spend a fortune to get married.
Register office, nice outfit and a family meal afterwards.

jenhug

maybe he is putting it off as lots of friends are currently doing it and he doesn't want to look like a sheep?