How long do you wait for a proposal???

slobs

I really don't understand the whole obsession with being married.

You have great relationship, what would being married give you that you don't already have? -and please don't say security, you already have a house and life together so being married won't make you any more or less committed to each other. A relationship will either work or it will fail, the addition of a piece of paper (marriage certificate) will have no bearing on how it works out in the end.

My partner and I have been together 21 yrs, 3 kids, happy, never even considered getting married, neither of us are religious so there seems absolutely no point.
It seems to me that your partner might think like we do, try and look at it from his point of view - and maybe try and work out why it's so important to you to have that piece of paper.

Gravesendgirl

What are you going to do if your boyfriend has not proposed in another 2 years? Is it him you want to be with or are you more concerned about getting engaged and/or married?

I am not sure from your post what your rush is, you are only young and from your own admission don't want to get married for another 4 years so give the guy a break. If he wants to he will do it in his own time, on his own terms, and surely that would mean more than him proposing due to pressure from you. From what you have written I think it likely that you would want the big romantic gesture when he proposes so give him the space and time to surprise you and make it perfect.

I have been with my OH for 5 years, we have our home etc etc. I was desperate to get married as we want to have children and it is important to me that we all have the same name. He didn't want to marry and I had to decide for myself if it was my OH I really wanted to be with regardless of whether he would marry me (his commitment has never been in doubt he just did not see the point of marriage). I decided, after much soul searching, that I could not live without my OH regardless of our marital status. That is bigger than a marriage certificate and a wedding day in my opinion. My obvious upset made my OH think long and hard about his beliefs and in March he proposed. The fact that he has chosen to marry me make it so much more special than if he had reluctantly agreed during one of our heart to hearts on the subject. We are getting married on 4th July and I can't wait to be his wife.

Calm down about the whole thing, it is the commitment and love that is important not diamonds and weddings (although both are great when you both want them. It makes it all the more special.

xxvickixx

One thing I would say that marriage gives you is the pension benefits and certain death in service rights that protect you if you are widowed, Sorry to be morbid, I don't know the details but this is why a lot of happily unmarried older couples I know have got married later in life.

iamana1ias

Gravesendgirl wrote: »

I was desperate to get married as we want to have children and it is important to me that we all have the same name.

You can change your name without needing to get married.

Similarly you can get married and not change your name.

Gravesendgirl

iamana1ias wrote: »

You can change your name without needing to get married.

Similarly you can get married and not change your name.

Thankfully don't now need to contemplate such action but my personal opinion was that if OH did not want to give me his name in marriage then I would not take it. I have friends who have not changed their name but I am an old fashioned girl at heart and can't wait to be Mrs P!! 9 weeks to go!

retro_bluebell

xxvickixx wrote: »

One thing I would say that marriage gives you is the pension benefits and certain death in service rights that protect you if you are widowed, Sorry to be morbid, I don't know the details but this is why a lot of happily unmarried older couples I know have got married later in life.

Thats true, I have told my Oh that if the Tories win the election (lets hope not!) we will have to get married to take advantage of the married couples tax allowance...Im an old romantic me :rotfl:

cookies_and_crem

don't post much but felt compelled to!
My partner and I are getting married in September after a 2 year engagement (largely because neither of us could be bothered to do the 'planning'). Now we live a happy life, fairly independent of each other in that we have lives within and away from our relationship, early 30s, own a house and have been together for 5 years.

I just asked him why we are getting married and the response was that although we could stay as we are if we are planning on staying together forever why not make it official? Neither of us wanted children without marriage and even though we are not planning on having children for a few years it seems important to the two of us to make things official for 'us'. I would have been happy to have got married in jeans because it isn't about the frills (which admittedly we are having now as we have the money and actually want to celebrate our relationship and commitment with our families and friends).
Marriage isn't necessarily vital to a lasting relationship, but I know that if I die in say childbirth it's one less worry for my soon to be husband with regard to legalities and finance.

I'm not changing my name for professional reasons (and because I like my surname and his is... well... common), and we do not expect nor want our relationship to change as things are blissful as they are a bit of paper won't change it. But a piece of paper will change our responsibilities to each other in the eyes of the law (again, life insurance, death in service, next of kin, separation, pension, and general decision making in case of emergencies)

If marriage is not that big a deal why do people feel so strongly about not getting married? A two hour trip to the registry office can make the difference between life and death fairly literally.

Yes we may end up in the divorce courts at some point, but I know we will give this the greatest effort that we can and if things do go badly, the effort alone in divorcing should hopefully make the two of us think twice.

Further more, if my partner felt marriage was a huge commitment I know I would not be planning children outside marriage with that person. For if it is such a big effort to sign the dotted line and commit your life to me even though it can be dissolved, how can I trust that you will make the biggest commitment of them all which is staying true to your children regardless of what our future holds? (And for the record I do not think parents have to be married, just that children are a much bigger commitment to marriage).

OP - maybe he isn't ready. But ask yourself, would you get married in jeans with no ring because you simply want to be this man's wife and he your husband? Because I would (and at the moment sometimes wish we had). My opinion is that is the real measure of why marriage is important to me. But I also know I wouldn't marry anyone who was reluctant or didn't want to commit to me in that way, so I wouldn't force it if I were you.

Best wishes

C&C

Britwife

How long do you wait for a proposal? As long as you're willing to wait.

I do want to say that Marriage is more than words on paper, however, you can see that living together works as well. I'm a Christian an my faith is that we get married to the one we love. I actually met my husband on a Christian site, he lived over here and I lived in the states. We got married 4 months after our first email exchange and had a long distance engagement. We just celebrated our 7th year of marriage and have 3 children. I would never just live with him and buy a house and have children without being married. But that's just how my faith is and I love my faith.

I think after 7 years, he would know if you are the one. I grew up with this saying and perhaps it rings true for him. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

Also, unmarried couples should make sure they have a will drawn up to take care of their partner if something were to happen.

jamespir

why do you need to rush in to things some people have been together for 20 years and not got married yet your still only 24 you have plenty of time to get married

daska

It's simple really, ignore the lame excuses and cut to the chase:

You asked, he said no.

End of.