How long do you wait for a proposal???

whitewing

robpw2 wrote: »

what difference will it make ? your practicall married in every sense except for the bit of paper

I was too, but actually being married made a huge difference. I feel much more settled, more liberated and happier. (And I rarely look at the piece of paper!)

butler_helen

smorri4 wrote: »

hello all,

before i start i want to get a few things straight.
1. this post is not for advice as i know what my plan is, i just want to hear others experiences and views are on engagement.
2. i love my boyfriend dearly - we have been together for 7 years and i seriously cannot imagine or want to imagine my life without him.

ok, so i am 24, i have been with boyf (26) for 7 years. We bought a house in 2007 and we have two cats. My boyf is amazing, he is funny, clever, gorgeous, interesting and just overall brilliant. He supported me through 3 years at uni both financially and emotionally and has also helped me overcome an eating disorder.

so, 7 years, a house, two cats, fairly stable income good lifestyle - but absolutely no sign of him proposing. he has said over and over again he does want to do the whole marriage and kids thing but just hasn't asked yet. At one point he was saying he couldn't afford engagement - i think he thinks i want a 10k ring - 8 k will do! ha haha - no seriously i am joking. Plus he has savings - i know he has as i file all his bank statements!
Then he said it was because he didn't want to 'conform' - recently several of our friends have engaged/got hitched/or popped out a baba. The latest is that he won't ask becuase he fears that as soon as that ring is on my finger i will be setting a date - which i know is totally untrue as 1) i want a nice long engagement to 'plan' - i am a perfectionist and 2) i cannot marry to at least 2014 as i have 5 weddings UK and abroad between now and 2012 and i would never marry in 2013 as i am superstitious of 13. so 2014 i would be 28 and he would be 30.
so i have tried to reason things that way with him with no joy.

recently i have just had the attitude of put up and shut up so thats what i have been doing so i can try to appear 'cool' and not bothered about the whole issue.

so anyway what do people think? am i being unreasonable and a b***h or do i have a point? or am i being strung along? - i have a view but am interested to see what others reckon.

feedback from men and women would be ace!

ta x :T

omg this was like reading my own thoughts in a forum! We're basically the same and all my friends are getting married this year... so all that's on my mind is weddings. All they talk about when they're here is... weddings... I've never wanted [STRIKE]the attention[/STRIKE] to get married and feel so loved up more than right now.

However, I already have that and I know that if I keep talking and pushing he will dig his heals in more and more...therefore to prevent his heals reaching australia I have had to stop mentioning it and have started spending more time away from him (the odd weekend away, nights out etc) and hopefully he'll realise soon enough that it's right to get married.

I think he'd being stubborn and will do it in his own time, a wedding makes no odds to your life really, just a little bit of extra cement.

LJM

perhaps you need to sit and talk about why he has these fears,i wouldnt show him this post as he may get upset that you are confiding in strangers rather than talking to him.if you are happy at the moment and you know it will happen and its what he wants also in the future why are you pushing it for. i have been with my partner 16 years, a house and 2 kids later still not married and no plans to either as we dont feel it would change anything, im not an insecure person so i dont need a piece of paper to tell me that we love each other

Alias_Omega

Tell him you plan a holiday to Vegas, with the added bonus of getting married..

http://www.gracelandchapel.com/

ciderwithrosie_2

People seem to have forgotten these days that you are only technically engaged when you have been proposed to and accepted (and often set a date) you don't get engaged then think about whether to marry or not, possibly sometime in the future. My brother's 50 - been 'engaged' about 10 times and still never made it down the aisle.

If you are already living together and have a house then your boyfriend may just see getting married as a huge expense you could do without, as what will it change for him? Men are pretty simple creatures and as long as they are comfortable, clean, well fed, allowed the odd hobby, beered and 'serviced' they don't perceive they need much of anything else.

Sorry, I'm really not anti-men, I share my home with 4 of them!

iamana1ias

whitewing wrote: »

I was too, but actually being married made a huge difference. I feel much more settled, more liberated and happier. (And I rarely look at the piece of paper!)

:think:

whitewing

iamana1ias wrote: »

:think:

I've just told him that he feels the same!

paulwf

OP us blokes are simple creatures...if you don't want to get married until 2014 then he won't see any reason to get engaged until 2013. Your in depth plans for years in advance just sound a bit bunny boilerish...sorry

kitkat5566

Smorri; I am sure he will pop the question, maybe he just feels he is happy with the way things are at the moment, and will a piece of paper make a huge difference to your lives? Me and my OH are similar ages to you and your OH, I am 23 and he is 24, we have been together nearly 8 years we live together and are inseperable. We have discussed how we would like to get married but so far it has never happened, we aren't even engaged, I have had odd moments where I wander why he has never proposed but I guess he is happy with the way things are and getting married isn't a big deal to me. Our 'major' commitment lately has been deciding to try for a baby last year, it was a big decision but we both felt more ready for that than marriage and we are expecting our first child in August it was something he originally suggested and we went from there, I felt reassured he suggested it and I didn't want him to feel pushed into it. I am sure marriage will come next, but at the moment, as long as your happy does it really matter? Having a child has been something we have discussed for years and finally felt ready to commit to it maybe drop afew hints about marriage and see what his reaction it. But at the end of the day, your both young and maybe he feels he wants to be unmarried for afew more years!

iamana1ias

kitkat5566 wrote: »

Our 'major' commitment lately has been deciding to try for a baby last year, it was a big decision but we both felt more ready for that than marriage and we are expecting our first child in August

How the hell does that make any sense?!