How long do you wait for a proposal???

LEJC

I agree with you skypie....I knew my husband through work for a while before we started going out together...one of those situations where everyone else knew he liked me ...except me!....He proposed 7 weeks after our first date and we married 16 months later...just about to celebrate our 17th anniversary.

Fluffi

smorri4 wrote: »

hello all,

The latest is that he won't ask becuase he fears that as soon as that ring is on my finger i will be setting a date

If he doesn't want to set a date then he doesn't want to get married (yet) and he doesn't feel strongly enough about you to want to get married whether its in a registry office next week or Italy in 4 years time.

He may change his mind in the future but IMHO if he doesn't want to set a date after 7 years then hes just not that into you ... he may end up settling eventually but he also spent several years waiting to see if a better option would come along.

cookies_and_crem

Further more... (to my previous post and directly to the OP), we did not have a traditional proposal as such. We were discussing life as you do one day and marriage came up amongst other things. As with everything else that is equal in this household we decided to get married. A few months later the words were (we really should get married you know...) under the fireworks of Blackheath!

For various reasons I wanted to choose my engagement myself and we bought it 2 months later (wanted to wait for the Jan sales). It cost a bomb (cash) but that's our emergency fund for later days (would hate to have to pawn it and things would have to be dire for that, but traditionally that is part of the reason for an engagement ring). His ring was purchased a year later in Cyprus (not as expensive but slightly more sentimental funnily enough).

The point I am making is that neither of us waited for a proposal. We decided the time was right to get married.

HTH

C&C

Ms_Piggy_2

We were together three years and actually split up because I wanted to get married and have children and he didn't.

He came back, we got married six months later (that's plenty of time to plan a wedding). we've been married three years now and have a two year old

skypie123_2

Thats cool Cookies and Crem and I am glad it worked for you. For some people a more organic approach is what happens.
Some ladies just want a proposal I guess though. And I don't think asking a question is too much effort to ask for.

sp1987

You have planned a wedding for four years time and he hasn't even proposed? In fact he said no when you did.

Sorry, you have robbed him of all control and you are not even legally tied. I can see why he would not want to give you the one thing that is going to take away any thoughts he has on marriage away as you have ''your'' ideal time.

That isn't to say he may not like you enough. I would bet if he is going to do it, he will do it after 2014 when the date you have in your head of ''my'' and not ''our'' day has passed.

There is no way I'd ask someone to marry me if I knew they had already planned the date, time, location, guests without me having even asked. Completely undermines his part in it. It is almost as if his asking just sets in motion a chain of events he will have no control over and no way to stop. I'd run away screaming, he must like you a lot if he is still around. Maybe give the poor sod chance to associate marriage with a lasting bond between the two of you rather than a black cloud of bother which comes along every so often and spoils an otherwise pleasant evening.

Sorry, meant constructively not critically.

daska

Ms_Piggy wrote: »

We were together three years and actually split up because I wanted to get married and have children and he didn't.

He came back, we got married six months later (that's plenty of time to plan a wedding). we've been married three years now and have a two year old

It's a very good point, we got married away from home, in a fairytale location for the wedding and a separate location for the meal. I had less than 3 months from when we set the date to get it all decided and organised. And that included travelling to reconnoitre the setting, hotels and restaurants, bespoke costumes to fit the setting as well as more conventional outfits for the meal. You don't need years to plan the perfect day.

Gingham_Ribbon

smorri4 wrote: »

hello all,

so, 7 years, a house, two cats, fairly stable income good lifestyle - but absolutely no sign of him proposing. he has said over and over again he does want to do the whole marriage and kids thing but just hasn't asked yet. At one point he was saying he couldn't afford engagement ...Then he said it was because he didn't want to 'conform' ...he fears that as soon as that ring is on my finger i will be setting a date

He has a lot of reasons for not proposing. I wonder what the real one is?

It occurs to me that you say he's said 'over and over' that he does want marriage and kids. Why would he say that over and over? Do you ask him about it over and over?

You have a good life together. Is he worried that it will change if you're married? I must admit, I can't imagine why you need so long to prepare for it and why you can't get married for so many years due to other people marrying?

You talk about proposals, weddings and engagements but not about marriage. What is it that's important to you?

You seem to have a lovely situation with him. What more do you think getting engaged will give you?

loulou123

I know how you feel OP, as me and my man have been together 12 years now and no proposal or kids etc. But we got together very young, so for the 1st few years marriage and kids werent even in the equation.

We both want to get married, but at the moment have other priorites with our money (not that we want a big wedding when it does happen) all couples are different and i know he will propose one day, but at the moment its not that big a deal to either of us.

I know it can be hard when couples around you are getting married after being together half/a quarter of the time that you have been, but as long as you love each other does it really matter if others beat you too it?

roses

hieveryone wrote: »

I read in a book once that the 'average' time that it took a man to propose to a woman was 18 months, and that if he hadn't asked after 7 years, he was never going to.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Marry-Some-Women-Others/dp/0007178611

Personally I didn't like this book. It said it interviewed many women and basically the majority said "marry me or I'll leave". As much as many of us want to say that to our partners, deep down we all know it's not the right thing to do.