How long do you wait for a proposal???

hieveryone

roses wrote: »

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Marry-Some-Women-Others/dp/0007178611

Personally I didn't like this book. It said it interviewed many women and basically the majority said "marry me or I'll leave". As much as many of us want to say that to our partners, deep down we all know it's not the right thing to do.

Not that I particularly liked it (and I'm not sure that was the book I was meaning actually), but the findings seem pretty logical to me.
Perhaps a lot of women would like to give an ultimatum like this, but don't have 'the guts' to do it, hence the waiting after 5,6,7+ years?

Maddie

I got together with my OH at 15. We both always felt we would be together forever. 8 1/2 years later he hadn't proposed, and I realised the 10 year mark wasn't that far off and would be a great date for our wedding.

He had never really seen the point in getting married when we were so happy as we were. I explained why I wanted a wedding, some of the reasons I can remember were;

- Just generally wanting to be husband and wife
- Wanting to share his name (also means I can have the same name as our kids in the future)
- Wanting to commit to each other as man and wife before having kids (even though we already felt 100% committed, I think marriage is an extra level)
- Wanting to celebrate our relationship through a wedding
- Wanting my extended family to understand how serious our relationship was (several of my family thought they'd never met my fiance when we got engaged despite the fact he'd been along to many family dos over the past 9 years!)

After lots of talk he realised he wanted it too, so he proposed on our 9 year anniversary and we got married on our 10th anniversary.

In the end he was more into the whole wedding/marriage thing than me and loves being able to call me his wife. As we hoped it hasn't changed our relationship at all.

I think some men are put off by the prospect of not being able to choose to get married. Also it does seem that the 'when can we have kids' nag can come along fairly soon afterwards, so I imagine this could put men off.

Steel_2

To add a bit of perspective: my grandparents lived together for 50 years until my grandmother's death in 1991 and they never married.

Saying that OP, I would be concerned if I had proposed and been knocked back. He knows you want to get married and he's still not asked you.

How long ago did you propose?

Mrs_Imp

slobs wrote: »

I really don't understand the whole obsession with being married.

I don't understand the whole obsession with not being married it seems that for some people they are more obsessed with avoiding being married to their long-term partner than with showing a commitment. It's the first thing people say "I'm not married" rather than "I love my OH".

As has been pointed out already, it's far easier to walk away if you're not married. No time consuming divorce, no changing of names, in fact no effort at all. All the statistics about how many marriages fail don't seem to include how many 'partnerships' fail. I know far more friends who have left their partners who they live with than have left their marriage (11 compared to 1).

puffinmuffin

I will wait until the end of this year and then i will ask him. we will have been together almost 3 years by then (that's longer than i want to wait but he needs to sort his finances first, the subject does get discussed, not just by me, so he gives me the impression he wants it) We live together but i won't buy with him without the emotional commitment of an engagement. (been there before)

getting married is important to me and as i am almost 32, i am not going to waste time waiting around. I was with someone for 5 years won't get strung along again!

Shadowsfall

If you know you want to marry him in your heart, and don't get the feeling that he is seriously considering proposing (as you've said it has to be him that does it in his opinion) anytime soon, then something is unbalanced.

Totally understand the 'my friends are having babies and getting hitched' thing. I'm there! When I was with my last boyfriend, I felt crap that he would never say "yep, I could see us going somewhere" or anything while my mates were all settling down. Now I'm with my lovely OH I feel totally different as I know he wants the same thing I do. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't know if he wants to get married (as it's important to me), let alone to me!

Sounds like you guys have a lovely relationship although I do find it a little odd that you proposed and he said no and things carried on as normal - would that happen if he asked you and you said no? I would have thought that meant that both partners weren't on the same page... that doesn't mean you aren't right for each other though.

I know that with the last serious relationships I was in, some were enthused about marrying me (I wasn't deep down as I knew they weren't the right guy for me - lack of 'knowing' they were the one or something) and some who would never give me a straight answer - "Yeah, I could marry you, but you never know what the future might bring". What the hell?! B@gger off then! :rotfl:

Like Beyonce says - "If you liked it you should have put a ring on it!" Brilliant! Things like money etc don't affect your feelings on whether you want to marry someone or not - that's all about how you feel, not about whether you can marry someone. Hope I've explained myself clearly!

I'm 25 and my OH is 23. He's the best and I'm not letting him go anywhere he is the first guy who's told me he's marrying me that I believe and that I want to marry too. I know in my heart that one day he'll just ask and it'll all happen how it's supposed to. If you know that you're supposed to walk this road then you have to ask if it's this guy you're going to walk with. Does he want to walk with you? If it's right, then he will.

If you feel strongly about this, then communicate this to your other half. You shouldn't have to cover it up - you want to marry this guy - that's so lovely. While marriage isn't the route everyone takes it's what you want. If that's so, then he needs to know that - you'd want him to tell you if he felt something strongly so you could deal with it effectively.

Having said all this, you may find he's organising it all in secret and pops the question when you're least expecting it!

Tamsin_Temrin

Notice that the OP hasn't been back...

OP - you have made the proposal a power struggle - you've nagged and nagged and nagged and now if he proposes you have won.

btw - less than three months between first date and proposal.

daska

By the sound of it the OP is concentrating on finding out whether she's pregnant or not. Given that the boyfriend says wants to get married but says no when asked I sincerely hope his wanting to have kids is more genuine.

Errata

I have asked him to marry me before and he said no becuase 'he is the man, and he should ask' - my boyf is very traditional like that

And yet he's happy to have children before marriage ? Sounds like he's only 'traditional' when it suits him. Very mixed message.

daska

And also no mention of the boyfriend having agreed to try for a baby at the same time that they're also looking to take on a bigger mortgage by buying the grandparent's house...

smorri4 wrote: »

before i start i want to get a few things straight.
1. this post is not for advice as i know what my plan is,

smorri4 wrote: »

my boyfriend and I are looking at buying a property for 180000 (its in his family so a private sale). Would you say 36000 (20%) should secure us a good enough mortgage deal? We are selling our home and providing we sell for 145000 we will have 36k to use as deposit - in the meantime the existing mortgage amount is reducing so may even have a bit more once we have sold.

smorri4 wrote: »

thought i would offer an update. Its now 4 weeks + 1day since my last 'period' - this is the one i got after finishing on my pill (cilest). Still no period and no PMS symptoms whatever - i can usually tell when i am going to come on. I did a test yesterday (01.05.10) which was negative so not sure where i stand.

OP, does your boyfriend know that you're actively trying to fall pregnant?