'Kicking' children out at 16...view please

Icanandwillsavemoney

squirrelchops wrote: »

Thanks icanandwillsavemoney...

So in your experience once your DS reached 16 you found SS basically didn't 'want to know' until he presented to them himself as homeless??

Also what made 16 the defining age for you to 'kick' him out and not 15 or 17??

Sorry to be nosey and I am no way being judgemental as your experience is very similar to many young people I work with. Your comments have been really useful as I am just trying to unpick the whole suppor or lack of it for our 16-18 year olds.

Thanks

That's fine, to be honest it had nothing to do with his age just the circumstances of the moment if I am honest.

The age relevance was the attitude of SS. They actually said to me 'well now he is 16, he is your responsibility and there is not much we can do now to help'. Which basically was a cop out as was evidenced once he became homeless. The support he received was head and shoulders bove any we had received in the 4 years previous. Reactionary as opposed to preventative which was a shame as we could have had a far better quality of life as a family unit together.

I am just thankful that the end result has been so positive.

Icanandwillsavemoney

I can also see where people are coming from when they say the 'can't understand how anyone could kick their child out'. Until 2 years ago, I was one of those people but unfortunately, life is just not so black and white.

I can not say I was happy to throw him out as I was devastated at the time but looking back, it was the only option for our family unit.

squirrelchops

Thanks for that. I do find the 'system' hard to get my head round at times. I. for example am working with a 16 year old. Fought tooth and nail to get housing sorted and also a referral for support he wanted. However.......after getting it all in place they have now decided they dont want the supported housing, instead living with a nieghbour and also dont want the referral for support to happen as think they are better off on their own.

Sadly, you can lead a horse to water and all that...but as they have made the decision and basically are not engaging with what SS are offering then SS will close to him. His Mum is not pleased about this but also understands that X/Y/Z has been offered and the child is refusing it all and feels they are better off with what they have chosen to do.

jackieb

Icanandwillsavemoney wrote: »

I can also see where people are coming from when they say the 'can't understand how anyone could kick their child out'. Until 2 years ago, I was one of those people but unfortunately, life is just not so black and white.

I can not say I was happy to throw him out as I was devastated at the time but looking back, it was the only option for our family unit.

It's just a shame you weren't given the help you needed while he was still living at home. It's not right that you had to put him out before any help was given.

I'm glad it's worked out well for him (and you!)

Soubrette

For me personally parental responsibility (the parent being responsible for a child) relationship lasts until they leave full time education. Although to be fair it's more a continuum than a black and white issue, so a 16 year old should be more independent than an 8 year old.

After that the relationship changes to one of members of the same family and I'm sure I'd want to help them out if they needed it but I wouldn't want to do everything for them and I wouldn't necessarily feel obliged to offer them a roof, food, clothes and all the things I do feel obliged to offer children.

This is hypothetical though - mine are 14 and 17. I'll let you know once they have left college/university

Sou

Icanandwillsavemoney

squirrelchops wrote: »

Thanks for that. I do find the 'system' hard to get my head round at times. I. for example am working with a 16 year old. Fought tooth and nail to get housing sorted and also a referral for support he wanted. However.......after getting it all in place they have now decided they dont want the supported housing, instead living with a nieghbour and also dont want the referral for support to happen as think they are better off on their own.

Sadly, you can lead a horse to water and all that...but as they have made the decision and basically are not engaging with what SS are offering then SS will close to him. His Mum is not pleased about this but also understands that X/Y/Z has been offered and the child is refusing it all and feels they are better off with what they have chosen to do.

That is such a shame specially as my DS recieved some fantastic support from various services once he was in supported accomodation. He now has a flat and lives independantly and is doing extremely well. He would never be where he is now without that support.

Don't give up though because for every 4 that turn the support down, there will be one like my DS that will drink and be very grateful for that drink!

squirrelchops

Thanks icanandwillsavemoney.

It was a real coup to get accommodation sorted particularly as 'on paper' this young person was quite a challenge to place. Ah well, you can but try. I have one more go to see if they want to accept the accommodation but if not then I shall cross that bridge when I come to it!

Icanandwillsavemoney

jackieb wrote: »

It's just a shame you weren't given the help you needed while he was still living at home. It's not right that you had to put him out before any help was given.

I'm glad it's worked out well for him (and you!)

Thank you jackieb.

I agree whole heartedly with you. Having spoken with a few social workers recently, it seems that the services are so stretched that they rarely have time to be proactive. Their caseloads are so heavy that reactinary is the only option. So in that respect, it has been good for me to realise that it wasn't that they wouldn't help, it was probably more of a case that they couldn't. And that lies in the hands of the Government and funded.

Even though everything has turned out ok, there was always the possibility that it wouldn't and I would have had to live with the fact that I threw him out.

gizmo111

squirrelchops wrote: »

The thing as well is that if you have been a 'looked after child' ie cared for by the state for a certain period of time including your 16th birthday then SS have to retain responsiblity for you until 18. So hence again the state sees their responsiblity until 18.

This whole concept is getting me very confused!!! BUT it is also giving me a lot to think about and question.

Actully the Leaving Care Act goes on until at least the age of 21 and beyond for disabled and YP in full time education. Of course the outcomesfor care leavers are very poor and SS are not very good parents.

Bennifred

My child would have had to do something pretty dire to be kicked out from the family home at any age. I feel that I am still responsible for them (to a degree!:p) until they are mature enough to look after themselves physically and emotionally, as I brought them into the world. I accept that I have been lucky with my three, and that others have a much tougher time of it, though.

I do think that the on-your-own at age 16 thing is to do with the end of compulsory education, the legal right to marry, etc. and the fact that many children are all too aware of their "rights" without having much concept of responsibility.

Interesting thread!