How to come to terms with a termination.

Claire_Bear

Just so people know, this thread was originally posted about a year ago by Ravenlady, who I hope has managed to sort things out by now Just so replies don't get confused, it's GemJar who bumped the post yesterday.

make_me_wise

pigpen wrote: »

forget the termination, there isn't anything you can do to change it, it was one minor act in the whole of your life.. it is, compared to so many other things, completely insignificant.. though it may not seem it at the moment.. the decision to have a baby is momentous, the decision to not have one is just a decision.. for me.. like choosing new shoes.. a bit of hassle, a bit of indecision..

I have huge respect for you pigpen and normally agree with your posts and appreciate your opinion and advice. However Im not sure the OP would see having an abortion and moving on from it quite as you have worded it above.

OP I 2nd another posters advice to speak with Marie Stopes. They will be able to offer you counselling and guide you through this time. Hindsight is an amazing thing and we can all only ever do what we feel is right at the time and then cope with the future a day at a time when we feel regret. I wish you all the best hun and hope you will be okay

Torry_Quine

[QUOTE OP I 2nd another posters advice to speak with Marie Stopes. They will be able to offer you counselling and guide you through this time. Hindsight is an amazing thing and we can all only ever do what we feel is right at the time and then cope with the future a day at a time when we feel regret. I wish you all the best hun and hope you will be okay [/QUOTE]

Marie Stopes are not a good place to go for post-abortion counselling. As an abortion provider they do not think that women and indeed men have major lasting problems as obviiously this would go against what they do and make money from every day.

shellsuit

dmg24 wrote: »

GemJar, the Samaritans are available to listen. Their number is 08457 90 90 90.

*shakes head*

There are plenty of people who listen here too.

Maybe Gemjar would prefer to chat online, rather than on the phone.

littlestar1981

You can email the Samaritans....

Not always MSE but don't underestimate the benefits of specialist counselling. There are post-termination counsellors in existence for a reason and they do help more than general counsellors. (and the Marie Stopes counsellor I had was fab, and my counselling wasn't which decision was right, it was coping with/accepting/dealing with the decision I had made)

Friendly shoulders are always fabulous if they're going to be unbiased and not offering their own opinion as it can be inadvertently more damaging.

Torry_Quine

littlestar1981 wrote: »

You can email the Samaritans....

Not always MSE but don't underestimate the benefits of specialist counselling. There are post-termination counsellors in existence for a reason and they do help more than general counsellors. (and the Marie Stopes counsellor I had was fab, and my counselling wasn't which decision was right, it was coping with/accepting/dealing with the decision I had made)

Friendly shoulders are always fabulous if they're going to be unbiased and not offering their own opinion as it can be inadvertently more damaging.

Are you saying that it costs to have 'counselling' at Marie Stopes! :eek:That really is rubbing salt in the wound and there are organisations which give counselling free and aren't associated with an abortion provider.

Kimberley82

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Are you saying that it costs to have 'counselling' at Marie Stopes! :eek:That really is rubbing salt in the wound and there are organisations which give counselling free and aren't associated with an abortion provider.

How is it rubbing salt in the wound? they are a business not a charity.

FBaby

I too found pigpen totally lacking tolerance in her posts. It is not because you, somehow were 'forced' to continue with your pregnancy that you have to assume that you have it much harder than someone who had an abortion and now regrets it. You still have a choice not to have this baby in your life, there is still the door open to adoption if you feel so strongly you were done wrong and still don't want that baby. The OP doesn't have the choice to get her baby back.

I lost a baby after a couple of weeks, little cells of blob like you call it. It's been 2 years and it still hurts like hell, even though in my case, I don't have to deal with the guilt, which makes a big difference. After I miscarried and felt the huge pain of losing what I had imagined having for two weeks that made me so happy, everyone told me that it would happen again (especially as I'd fallen first month of trying). Well they were wrong. We've been trying for two years exactly and doctors have made it clear that the chances of it happening again were very low. This pregnancy was a miracle in itself, so no, I didn't lose just a few cells that day, I lost my chance of having a baby with my partner and that will hunt me for the rest of my life.

I can totally understand how OP is feeling, especially as in her case, she also has to deal with the regret of having gone through the abortion. OP, I woud also say that counselling is the way to go, I hope you can get a quicker appointment soon.

Person_one

Marie Stopes are not a good place to go for post-abortion counselling. As an abortion provider they do not think that women and indeed men have major lasting problems as obviiously this would go against what they do and make money from every day.

Marie Stopes deal with all aspects of women's reproductive health. It is entirely possible to offer both abortion services and post abortion counselling services effectively. Do you really think the counselling would be better if it was coming from someone who believed abortion was wrong and that the person being counselled had done something terrible?

I know you're extremely anti-abortion TQ, so I personally think it would be better if you stuck to threads that are more abstract rather than offering flawed advice with an obvious agenda to real people in need of support.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

I too found pigpen totally lacking tolerance in her posts. It is not because you, somehow were 'forced' to continue with your pregnancy that you have to assume that you have it much harder than someone who had an abortion and now regrets it. You still have a choice not to have this baby in your life, there is still the door open to adoption if you feel so strongly you were done wrong and still don't want that baby. The OP doesn't have the choice to get her baby back.

I lost a baby after a couple of weeks, little cells of blob like you call it. It's been 2 years and it still hurts like hell, even though in my case, I don't have to deal with the guilt, which makes a big difference. After I miscarried and felt the huge pain of losing what I had imagined having for two weeks that made me so happy, everyone told me that it would happen again (especially as I'd fallen first month of trying). Well they were wrong. We've been trying for two years exactly and doctors have made it clear that the chances of it happening again were very low. This pregnancy was a miracle in itself, so no, I didn't lose just a few cells that day, I lost my chance of having a baby with my partner and that will hunt me for the rest of my life.

I can totally understand how OP is feeling, especially as in her case, she also has to deal with the regret of having gone through the abortion. OP, I woud also say that counselling is the way to go, I hope you can get a quicker appointment soon.

There's a huge difference between losing a much wanted baby and terminating an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.

Adoption is not the easy solution you suggest. Pregnancy and labour are risky and life threatening experiences, dealing with the emotions involved in adoption are usually much tougher and much longer lasting than after abortion, for the child too.