How to come to terms with a termination.

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

Marie Stopes deal with all aspects of women's reproductive health. It is entirely possible to offer both abortion services and post abortion counselling services effectively. Do you really think the counselling would be better if it was coming from someone who believed abortion was wrong and that the person being counselled had done something terrible?

I know you're extremely anti-abortion TQ, so I personally think it would be better if you stuck to threads that are more abstract rather than offering flawed advice with an obvious agenda to real people in need of support.

It is just very hard to believe that an organisation such as Marie Stopes can on the one hand provide an abortion and then help a woman come to terms with the devestation it can bring.

The organisations which provide free counselling and are not connected to abortion providers are therefore removed and able to give more supportive help. They don't counsel that the person has done something terrible and is a bad person.

I am actually pro-life and though you may not agree pro-choice meaning that women should be fully aware of how an abortion is performed and the possible often severe consequences. If they then go ahead that is there decision and I would never condemn a woman who makes that choice.

littlestar1981

Some people clearly see Marie Stopes as a pro-abortion charity. They're pro-choice, something entirely different.

I had a free counselling session from then when I had a termination there in 2007, I don't know if further counselling was chargeable or if it's changed now.

Marie Stopes... yes, they do offer terminations and then counselling to help coming to terms with it... just because you choose to have a termination doesn't mean you're not going to struggle with that decision afterwards, even if in the long run it's the right decision. We ARE human beings with feelings you know?!

TorryQuine, you're pro-life so not really able to offer an unbiased opinion are you?! No counsellor, no matter where they are based, 'termination provider' or not, would let any woman think they had 'done something terrible and are a bad person'

Sorry, I hate the 'a' word....

Torry_Quine

littlestar1981 wrote: »

Some people clearly see Marie Stopes as a pro-abortion charity. They're pro-choice, something entirely different.

I had a free counselling session from then when I had a termination there in 2007, I don't know if further counselling was chargeable or if it's changed now.

Marie Stopes... yes, they do offer terminations and then counselling to help coming to terms with it... just because you choose to have a termination doesn't mean you're not going to struggle with that decision afterwards, even if in the long run it's the right decision. We ARE human beings with feelings you know?!

TorryQuine, you're pro-life so not really able to offer an unbiased opinion are you?! No counsellor, no matter where they are based, 'termination provider' or not, would let any woman think they had 'done something terrible and are a bad person'

Sorry, I hate the 'a' word....

Only one session of post-abortion counsellling will only uncover the problem and certainly won't deal with deep-routed problems such as grief, guilt, flashbacks or abusive behaviour towards themselves.

Of course you are human beings with feelings hence why I am so involved with helping women get the care and support they need.

Yes I am pro-life but that includes caring for the women and men who are left afterwards. Many of the counsellors I know have actually had an abortion so will never be harsh.

It was person_one who asked me if I thought that the counselling would be better from someone who thought someone who had an abortion had done something terrible which is why I answered.

I'm not in any way analysing you but merely mention in passing that not being able to use the 'a' word as you put it can sometimes be an indication of post-abortion syndrome.

Kimberley82

leos-mummy wrote: »

So for people who dont know Im the girl who caused lots of arguements on a previous thread about abortion. I am still of the same opinion and always will be no matter how strong a case the opposing side gives. However, I realise that there is a certain way to present my arguements and apologise if I caused offense... although such a strong subject often brings great emotion.

To the OP I am very sorry to learn of what your going through and wont pretend to know what its like because I don't. This simply strengthens my belief that abortion isn't a decision to be taken lightly if not at all. It does affect peoples lives and emotions and can certainly not be compared with the 'removal of a tumor' as was presented to me on a previous thread. I reccomend you seek help from a counsellor, you could maybe research others available aside from NHS ones to see if you can get an earlier appointment, some charities may offer there services for free. I seen a counsellor for a few months once to do with something unrelated but it really helped me to open up to someone. And remember if you don't like him/her then you dont have to stay... they are there to listen to make you feel bad. I wish you all the best in the future and you will be in my prayers.

To the lady on page one of this thread who told of her ordeal regarding her abortion... I too am very sorry to hear about this. I am of the opinion that sometimes young people are not given the best care in hospitals as i felt this myself when i was in hospital and a few insensitive comments can really have an affect on you. Although the majority of doctors and nurses are absolutely brilliant and cannot be faulted there are certainly a few who would benefit from learning better social skills.

And finally, for all those who complained about my poor grammar and my use of 'txt speak' on the previous thread I hope this post is a bit more to your liking. And before anyone kicks of yes this is the same poster. I am not a 'silly little girl' I am educated and can type full sentences when I want to

Much love to all xoxo

We all know you are the person who ruined my post, unlike you I am not going to hide behind a fake name any more. Yes it was me asking about abortion. But all your nasty posts will not make a difference.

You asked how my husband and children would feel, my husband is 100% behind me. My children do not need to know. But their lives will be better for me not having any more children.

I have had the children I want and do not want any more, I am done with that part of my life. We are waiting for my husband to have his vasectomy.

Try all you want with your nasty comments but you will not make me feel bad about doing what is best for me and my family.

make_me_wise

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It is just very hard to believe that an organisation such as Marie Stopes can on the one hand provide an abortion and then help a woman come to terms with the devestation it can bring.

What a naive statement, I really dont see why you find it hard to believe. The organisation obviously sees that they have a duty of care and want to provide additional help to any woman that may need it, after making what must be one of the most difficult decisions of her life. There are many, many reasons why women decide on abortion. I am thankful that we live in a society where a woman has a choice.

summerday

Best of luck with it Kimberley, it sounds like you have thought out your decision carefully with your husband and it's made with the whole family's best interests in mind. I am very much pro choice anyway.

I have had the termination procedure (for a missed miscarriage, but it's the came thing), and can reassure you that it was absolutely fine, was out of the hospital a couple of hours after coming round and virtually no pain after. Feel free to pm me if you'd like any more details about what to expect.

Kimberley82

summerday wrote: »

Best of luck with it Kimberley, it sounds like you have thought out your decision carefully with your husband and it's made with the whole family's best interests in mind. I am very much pro choice anyway.

I have had the termination procedure (for a missed miscarriage, but it's the came thing), and can reassure you that it was absolutely fine, was out of the hospital a couple of hours after coming round and virtually no pain after. Feel free to pm me if you'd like any more details about what to expect.

Thanks I have had 11 miscarriages and have the proceeder for 9 of them, plus an abortion so know whats going to happen, not looking forward to it but know I can deal with it.

Plans_all_plans

4 years ago I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and I booked in twice for terminations (with Marie Stopes), but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it.

I also went to 2 counselling sessions with them to help me decide what I would do: I paid £60 for one session, but the other was free (I went to 2 different centres, but both Marie Stopes, so I'm not sure why I only paid for one and not the other) Maybe it depends what centre you go to as to the cost of their counselling.

I must admit that I found the difference in quality of the counsellors startling: one was extremely pushy, telling me that having an abortion was best in my situation, the other was less pushy, but I still wasn't comfortable. I also had free counselling from LIFE (who I mentioned above) over the phone. I felt that all the sessions helped me decide what to do, but with hindsight, I wouldn't pay for counselling again as there are other organisations who do it for free. Maybe use one or two different places to help you through your difficulties, as it may take time to find someone you're comfortable with.

whitewing

kimberley, you take care of yourself - you've been through a lot.

There was an article in the mail today http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1388475/Abortion-baby-born-disability-What-choice-make.html which mentions an organisation called ARC that provided support for the lady in question, and who may be able to help some of you people at your different stages.

Person_one

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

4 years ago I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and I booked in twice for terminations (with Marie Stopes), but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it.

I also went to 2 counselling sessions with them to help me decide what I would do: I paid £60 for one session, but the other was free (I went to 2 different centres, but both Marie Stopes, so I'm not sure why I only paid for one and not the other) Maybe it depends what centre you go to as to the cost of their counselling.

I must admit that I found the difference in quality of the counsellors startling: one was extremely pushy, telling me that having an abortion was best in my situation, the other was less pushy, but I still wasn't comfortable. I also had free counselling from LIFE (who I mentioned above) over the phone. I felt that all the sessions helped me decide what to do, but with hindsight, I wouldn't pay for counselling again as there are other organisations who do it for free. Maybe use one or two different places to help you through your difficulties, as it may take time to find someone you're comfortable with.

A warning to anyone in this position, LIFE are very very strongly pro-life, they have a vested interest in persuading women to continue with their pregnancies. Their advice is NOT unbiased or impartial.

Funnily enough, they offer very little support to women who do go on to have their babies. It seems that to a lot of people 'pro life' ends at birth.

Edit: Oops, I think I may have got LIFE mixed up with another group, care confidential. I'll leave this post up though because there are many pro-life/anti-choice pressure groups that masquerade as counsellors, and its always a good idea to do plenty of research before using one.