Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

WestieFan

Absolutely agree sarah.

It's the easiest thing in the world to decide to leave, but not so easy to actually do - especially if you have nowhere to go and no money. The refuges are usually full to capacity and the only other option may be to go to a homeless unit which also houses drug addicts and alcoholics. This can be equally traumatic for small children. A rock and a hard place?

mandi

Smiley_Mum wrote:

Prior to being a single parent, I had a good job and had never claimed benefits ever, had always supported myself. I was a victim of DA whilst pregnant. I left pronto, was left very much on my own and I managed to sort out a flat for myself, take care of a 16 month old, whilst dealing with a very abusive ex etc That was a while ago, I have looked into going to college and today have sent for information on a variety of courses. I'm hoping I can do something by open learning from home. If I have to attend college then I'd only be able to go in the morning as afternoons would fall during school pick up time. I had a rare evening to myself the other week, 1st one since oldest son was a baby, he's 7 now.

I get so annoyed at people who look down their noses at single parents, particularly when they don't know a persons circumstances etc. My ex doesn't pay maintenance, although he has a second family now, I feel if he couldn't afford to take care of the first, then he shouldn't have gotten started on a second. I don't drink, I don't smoke, evenings out are extremely rare. I think the world of my kids and I do my best to be mum, dad, teacher, etc etc to them. Part of me feels tremendous guilt about what happened and I wish that their father would get his act together but I think I'm expecting miracles on that front, so I do my utmost for them to be happy and so far I think I've done a good job.

Smiley Mum.. Get yourelf a cuppa, and have these free from me .. :T :T :T :T Couldnt have said it better myself.. I know exactly what you are saying..

In my OP I said I had 3 jobs.. all to support my fammily. And yes I still feel the guilt after 8 years.. I dont think it will ever go.. Remember that your children will always love you, and will be happy as long as you love them...

mandi

westernpromise wrote:

Miss Kensington, I want to marry you. You are not just coping, you are storming ahead and setting a brilliant example. If you are also a demure brunette with curves, the matter is settled - I am coming looking for you, with a diamond, and I am not taking "I don't" for an answer....

Here's my other half's day in contrast to yours.

09.30 Wake up. Feed 3 year old and 8-month-old. Takes about an hour and half.
11.00 Dress 3 year old and 8-month-old. Empty dishwasher (onto the counters, not into the cupboards). Refill dishwasher. Load washing machine.
12.00 Two cleaners arrive to clean house, empty washing machine, and iron laundry.
12.30 Leave cleaners in house and go to local cafe for lunch. Wait to let the gardeners in first, if it's a Wednesday.
14.30 Go to park and / or playground.
16.00 Go to Mother. Phone Daddy to find out when I'm getting home. Have nap with children. When children wake up, drive to Waitrose, leaving children with Mother.
19.00 Daddy arrives home.
19.05 Get home, carefully timing arrival after Daddy is already home to an empty house. Get Daddy to empty shopping and children out of the car, then get him to cook dinner.
21.00 Do some tidying up while Daddy baths children.
22.00 Eldest finally in bed - not tired sooner due to lie-in and 2-hour early evening nap. No problem though, Daddy's home, so he can deal! Daddy reads up to 5 stories to eldest.
23.00 Go to bed with youngest, wondering when Daddy will potty-train the eldest, as it's getting hard to find nappies big enough to fit a 3-year-old. Too busy to do this oneself.
01.30 Daddy goes to bed (in his own bedroom) after either dealing with the admin, or going for a midnight burn in the car with the roof down. He is too busy to do this sooner.
08.00 Daddy leaves for work.

That's not a parody by the way - it's based on the reports I get during the day and what I observe at weekends.

I think if I was going to leave, I'd share some of the SP's concerns above about how effectively the OH would cope left alone. Still, Miss K could do the extra childcare and I'll write the essays on Milton - I did my degree in English too and I probably still have them all somewhere. ** thinks: if I merged my old stuff on Samson Agonistes into the Thomas the Tank Engine stories I read the eldest at bedtime, she'll fall asleep quicker!! It always had that effect on me!! "One day, on the island of Sodor, an Israelite engine called Samson was very unhappy. "Here I am, eyeless in Gaza, at the mill with slaves!" he grumbled...**

Your having a laugh Western..:rotfl: sorry to say this but isnt she taking advantage of you. er Im no femminist ( well a little) but sorry .. She needs a kick up the !!!...:D .. and Stop her allowance too..

P.s.. Im free next Saturday...Only joking..

Sarahsaver

Get an au pair - cheaper than a wife!

viktory

Sarahsaver wrote:

Ouch!
Don't judge so :rolleyes:

And your signature as well!!!

I HAVE been there and it is very hard to get out of abusive situations sometimes. Well done to everyone who has broken free

Oh for God's sake!!! Will you lot stop being so sensitive!!! It was a genuine question. I was judging no one. I was also in an abusive relationship and got out well before any lasting damage was done to my daugher.

Sarahsaver

I'm not as sensitive as I was when the b*stard has his hands round my neck.

I was scared that if he killed me or if I was in hospital again who would look after the kids. I had to pick my moment to get him out of the way. I only ever used to wear trainers in case I needed to make a run for it. How can you be so sure no damage was done to your daughter? Babies in the womb pick up on the mother's emotional state. I spent most of 2 pregnancies sleeping on the floor, but when you are scared you do all sorts of things.

Getting out WHENEVER you do is better than staying put. We all need to be supportive of one another.

fluffyscruffy

I did single parentdom for 5 years...Its certainly not a wonderful life but I worked( I dropped out of college and got a job with the civil service, Miss K_ensington! LOL) 2 days a week then 5 when my daughter started school(part time hours) Never claimed IS, hung onto my home/mortgage.
I understand what black saturn is saying about her daughter not being ready to be left... I did not want to leave my daughter with child minders etc but I had a similar upbringing to Black Saturn so you have a different outlook.

I am with someone now but its very hard to let go of my independance(managing my own money, making my own decisions, putting my own shelves up etc!) I would have never done all those things if I had still been with husband. Im doing a degree, too, I wouldnt have had the confidence to do that if I was still with him either.

Western promise...your OH needs to cherish you...shes one very lucky lady!!!

Scarlett1

Sarahsaver wrote:

I'm not as sensitive as I was when the b*stard has his hands round my neck.

I was scared that if he killed me or if I was in hospital again who would look after the kids. I had to pick my moment to get him out of the way. I only ever used to wear trainers in case I needed to make a run for it. How can you be so sure no damage was done to your daughter? Babies in the womb pick up on the mother's emotional state. I spent most of 2 pregnancies sleeping on the floor, but when you are scared you do all sorts of things.

Getting out WHENEVER you do is better than staying put. We all need to be supportive of one another.

glad you finally got out when you did :T

Its interesting reading this thread, but I dont think anyone has to explain themselves because of other people's ignorance

I think single parents should stop being given a hard time, what makes these people so c.ock sure that they arent going to end up in the same boat :rolleyes:

well done ladies keep up the good work, from one single parent to others :T

krisskross

Just wondered how old you all think children need to be before it is possible to leave them and go to work? Bearing in mind that in my lifetime the school leaving age has been 14 and youngsters were then working full time. Are we mollycoddling our youngsters to such an extent that they are not capable of looking after themselves? I will agree that some children have a poor start in life with violent parents etc. but this does not preclude them becoming independent young people.

Just an observation on the income posted by a mother with 2 dependents. Unless my maths is faulty there appeared to be approx. £700 a month left after housing costs. I know loads of working families with mortgages in the south east of the country who have nothing like this amount left after housing costs. Where children are involved I think the benefits are generous.

jazzyjustlaw

Sarahsaver wrote:

I'm not as sensitive as I was when the b*stard has his hands round my neck.

I was scared that if he killed me or if I was in hospital again who would look after the kids. I had to pick my moment to get him out of the way. I only ever used to wear trainers in case I needed to make a run for it. How can you be so sure no damage was done to your daughter? Babies in the womb pick up on the mother's emotional state. I spent most of 2 pregnancies sleeping on the floor, but when you are scared you do all sorts of things.

Getting out WHENEVER you do is better than staying put. We all need to be supportive of one another.

Bless you and all that have been subjected to Domestic Violence. I had to run out half naked in the night in desperation to get away from him. Was with him 7 years as thought he would kill me, didnt leave him after he tried to kill me and I had a severed hand, it took another 2 years.

By the way western I am a curvy brunette and am 6ft tall:p