Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

mandi

Im so fed up of reading posts that " put down" single parents,

So I decided to give you all an in depth . point of view, as ... a single parent..:D

Firstly, the decision was mine. I Left my ex, for my own reasons ( please dont ask why).. but I was put in an intenable situation, and I had no choice..

I left my marrige, home and lost my jobs( 3 )

Life on IS.. is a long way from the life I thought I would have..

A TYPICAL WEEK..

Forget Mondays.. Dont go anywhere. dont do anything.. WHY..??? No money

Tuesday.. IS in bank.. Whoo.. :j take £20 and you feel rich... no way.. spend on essentials...

Wednesday.. Same as Monday..

Thursday... Shopping day.. go late at night so you can buy the reduced food..MaX spend Well with 2 boys ( more than I can afford).. No money left..

Friday.. Em same as Monday & Wednesday.. No free cash.. Day spent cleaning my rented house.. BUT. I do get my child benefit.. Which I couldnt do without.. keeps me going until Tuesday .. amount £ 29.45...


http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=239587 ( no offence Ivan)


I have a 16 year old . who eats like a man, and a 12 year old in size 9 shoes, and is 5"8

Question you will want answered..WHY? , Am I not working...

Simple answer is.. Childcare is an option, for my 12 year old.. My oldest will be at work soon so no chance of him looking after his brother.. BUT what happens when my youngest is ill /injured... I dont have parents, grandparents. or a close friend.. to look after him..

Im completely on my own, .. As many single parents are.. and at 12 I have no plans to leave him " home alone"


I have a brillant business idea..and as an ex EA, ... The DFWP.. would rather pay me to stay in this situation, than help me ..


You dont have a social life, cant afford , shoes , or clothes for youself.. and a holiday is just out of the question ( havent had one in 16 years)...


CONCLUSION...!!!?....



Before you, " judge" single parents.. Dont forget.. That not everyone is ................... Vicky Pollard..:D
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/P/pram_face/
Watch this, before you judge, please..



P.S Im a tough cookie...:D ..

wigginsmum

Mandi - do you not get child maintenance from your ex? I thought if you were on IS, the CSA automatically get involved.

mandi

wigginsmum wrote:

Mandi - do you not get child maintenance from your ex? I thought if you were on IS, the CSA automatically get involved.

Hi . and no .. Thanks ,, a long story..:D

Becles

Good thread mandi - it's interesting to see how other single parents have coped with it. Hopefully others will post their story too.

I was a single parent and got fed up with being labelled a "benefit scrounger" and Vikki Pollard etc.

I was married for 3 years before my eldest was born, and stayed married until the youngest was 3 years old. The marriage was crap to be honest and I wasn't treated very well but stuck with it. Was a blessing in disguise when he went off with someone else. Was scared being on my own with two small boys, but pleased to be away from him.

Had to go onto income support as I was a SAHM and the only income I had in my name was the child benefit.

I was on benefits for 3 months. I needed this time to sort myself out, sort the children out and wonder what I was going to do with myself.

I managed to get a part time office job working mornings only. This fitted in well, as my Mam works afternoons only. She would pop up at 8.30 and walk the eldest to school for me, then look after the youngest till lunchtime. I claimed tax credits but money was still very tight.

Someone then introduced me to mystery shopping, so I started doing the odd few assignments on afternoons with the youngest in tow.

In the summer before he started school, a company contacted me about some regular merchandising work. It meant working 2 afternoons a week to do it, but my neighbour said she would look after my toddler if I wanted to give it a go. Did that and enjoyed it more than the mystery shopping. Explained to company that I would be interested in more work in a few months, once the youngest started school.

Ended up with more merchandising work than I could fit in, so I left the office job. I was getting better paid work and I enjoyed it more, but it was on an ad-hoc self employed basis and I was scared of losing the security of the office job.

Been doing it for 3 years now, and I love it! I've never been so short of work that I can't pay for the essentials and most months I make a decent income. I mainly do merchandising and auditing now, but still do mystery shopping especially in the school hols so I can the boys with me. I like the flexibility of the work, which means I can take time off for school events, or if one of them is sick.

As I was working, I managed to keep my own home too, which I'm pleased about as I love this house.

When I look back on what I've achieved since my ex left me, I'm dead proud of myself! I'm no longer a single parent though, as I married again in April.

Just thought I'd post this as another perspective on single parent life.

mummymania

I've been a SP for 3.5 yrs. I had 3 girls aged 12 months, 26 months and 7 yrs when I left my husband. I moved into privately rented and was on IS for 2.5 yrs. I got help from Homestart so I could go to college and study counselling for 1 afternoon a week. I now work for the NHS working as a community mental health recovery worker 3 days a week. I still have youngest dd (now 4 yr) in nursery but i get tax credits. I go on holidays/short breaks a few times a year, go out for meals, have a social life and love my life. I haven't had a man in over 3 years but am not sure that i want one now!!!!!!!!!!!

Spendless

mandi-How do you feel about posting how much IS for a SP with 2 kids is and what is and isn't included in this?

When tabloid headlines hit the press inevitably they say something like parent on benefits claim ££££ but inevitably they are large families and often in receipt of DLA too (which they would get if working, I think I'm right in saying this is not a means tested benefit????).

Could you work from home perhaps?

singlehouseholder

I think what helps to perpetuate the typical "single parent image" is the single parents featured heavily by the tabloid rags, the type that have several children and find themselves pregnant again, by different fathers. I know of "single parents" that turn uo to the Jobcentre accompanied by a male "friend" whom all the toddlers will call dad. Its the same as any other rubbish peddled by the rags, immigration, terrorism, its all scare mongering and lies. If people choose to believe the hype and propoganda there isnt much can be done? We should be spending more cash on educating boys and girls, should make it more financially rewardable for families to stay together. My brother and his 3 bairns would have more cash if he packed in work, plus he'd get to spent time with his baby twins, whom he adores. He has been brought up to work though, and desperatley wants to keep the family together.Some people struggle to work and see little reward, some people choose not to struggle and see the same reward? Get the CSA sorted out get absent parents PAYING for their kids, that would be a start wouldn't it...

looby75

Spendless wrote:

mandi-How do you feel about posting how much IS for a SP with 2 kids is and what is and isn't included in this?

Not the OP but I am in a similar position so here goes


As a single parent with 2 children on IS and CTC I receive;


56.47 Income support (out of which I am currently paying a budgeting loan back at £8 a week, leaving me with £48.47, which I had to take out because my husband left me and the kids out of the blue with a large gas and electric bill to pay and a broken cooker to replace)

£78.57 Child tax credits

£28.15 child benefit

£10 csa from the £300(ish) a month the kids dad pays the CSA

I also receive housing and council tax benefit, which is paid directly to the council, but I still have to pay £6 a week to cover water rates which are included in my rent.

It sounds like quite a lot, and I could probably manage reasonably comfortably if it weren't for the fact I have cc and loan debts which my ex left me with, that all need to be paid each month. Add the fact that my dd's school uniform cost over £100 a year (which my local council offer no help towards) and that my son is constantly ill with ear infections and tonsillitis so we have frequent visits to the doctor and chemist and now hospital, which all require a bus ride and fare. It makes being a single mum on benefits very very tight indeed.

Then there are the other issues such as the rise in gas and electric prices, ok everyone is effected by these but when your budget is already stretched to the limit the price increases are devastating, and when you are stuck (and in my case I am stuck because I am currently unable to work because of my sons health problems and the fact I have no family support where I live) on benefits there is no way you can raise the amount you have coming into the home each week.

I'm not complaining about the benefits I receive, I am very very grateful that the system is there. If I hadn't been my kids and I would have been in deep trouble when their dad left us, but what I am and do complain about is the people who think living on benefits is a cushy life. It's not.

margaretclare

Hi Mandi

I am the last person to judge or to make comparisons based on stereotypes. I was brought up by a single mum in the days when there were no benefits at all. Without the help of her parents (while they lived) and her disabled sister, she wouldn't have been able to survive at all. Or she'd have had the option that was urged on her in 1943 when conscription for single women came in - put me into a home.

I am glad you have some benefits, even though inadequate. I'd be the last person to advocate a return to those dreadful days. As an unmarried mother, some young women were even put into mental hospitals where they stayed for 40 years - they were considered 'morally inadequate'. Married, and you didn't have the option of ending a terrible marriage - the concept of marital rape didn't even exist!

No, don't let anyone tell you it was better in the 'good old days'.

Good luck to you!

Margaret (it's my 71st birthday today)

looby75

margaretclare wrote:

(it's my 71st birthday today)

Margaret :bdaycake:
Happy birthday, Hope you have a lovely day and heres to many more to come

bulchy

looby, can you not claim your travel expenses for hospital visits? I know you used to be able to, unsure if you still can. If you cant, well thats unfair why has it been stopped???
Sue