Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

WestieFan

Right, black-saturn, I thought i would add my bit too before the 'hang-em/flog-em' brigade get here

I was in a very bad marriage, my husand was abusive, drank excessively and gambled every penny he hadn't already drank. I finally got free and was on IS for about 5 years. It was not easy. I used to have nightmares about shoes! And thank goodness for Lidl!

My children were a lot younger though, and were happy enough with days out to various parks with a packed lunch and a ball. Like mandi, I had absolutely nobody to help at all, so work was out of the question. I joined a local parent & toddler group and my life changed completely. I made a load of new friends and we all helped each other out, they even had a babysitting circle going which meant I could actually get an hour to myself now and again!

I then discovered the flexible learning centre at my local college (you just booked your time on the pc whenever suited) and updated my skills. I was lucky enough to be offered a job in a local school. Although the pay was not too good, the hours and holidays were perfect, except for Inset days and fortunately I was able to take the children in with me.

I am now working full time but still on a low wage, so still struggle most of the time. My only luxury is my wee car which I need to get to work. And we had our first family holiday abroad this year, which it took me over 6 years to save for, and boy, did we enjoy it :j

As somebody said, it always seems to be the extreme cases which are highlighted in the press, and I would bet that some of them have other sources of income too

It has been a long haul though. But if some days you think that somebody has switched off the light at the end of the tunnel, don't despair. Life doesn't stand still and there will be better days ahead.

black-saturn

Your story sounds very like mine. My children were 6 and 4 when I walked out but it was the best thing I have ever done.

I'm now training on a correspondence course in travel and tourism and I work from home in several different jobs just to bring in enough money to breathe!!

black-saturn

taxi97w wrote:

My children are not 'an only child'- they are not on their own. They are not 'left' to do the household chores. The oldest looks after the other 2 for 1 1/2 hours before I get home from work- in this time they are 'supposed' to be doing their home work if they have any.

Feel sorry for your oldest child with that burden.

larmy16

If as Jacky says you have supportive parents then life working can be made easier. I think though the OP has little support, which makes life a lot more difficult and the two situations are incomparable.

Sarahsaver

I was better off becoming self-employed as a single parent as the tax credits gave my income a much-needed boost. Otherwise I was better off on benefits than working for an employer.
Now I am with a partner our income jointly is at a level that its almost not worth my while going out to work because of tax credits faffing about, unless I make an absolute fortune, a large chunk of which would go on tax and childcare costs... As it is I some days feel motivated and enthusiastic, sometimes like I am going round in circles.
Financially I was better off on my own. There is little incentive to work and be in a 'traditional' family.
So we could be better off but it's like we have a gaping chasm to jump over first. The government like people to struggle, That is what I think.

krisskross

black-saturn wrote:

Feel sorry for your oldest child with that burden.

I don't feel sorry for anyone in that little family. I would imagine all the children are aware that they need to pull together and all do their bit for the family well being. I personally can imagine nothing more soul destroying than being at home alone all the time with no money to do anything. We are social animals, we need interaction with other adults. Work fulfils this function admirably.

black-saturn

krisskross wrote:

I personally can imagine nothing more soul destroying than being at home alone all the time with no money to do anything.

When have you ever met a single parent who does absolutely nothing all day? :rolleyes:

westernpromise

As a matter of interest, did anyone who's left their fella and become a SP at any point contemplate leaving without the kids and letting him deal?

black-saturn

westernpromise wrote:

As a matter of interest, did anyone who's left their fella and become a SP at any point contemplate leaving without the kids and letting him deal?

Theres no way I could have trusted him to look after them properly. When we first split up they used to see him every other weekend but they used to come home with reports of only being given dry bread and water all weekend and would be ravenously hungry. My youngest daughter was going through a bedwetting period and he hadn't washed the sheets from the previous weekend and she would have to sleep in dried wee. It all ended with him threatening to kill them and leaving them in a field on their own. So consequently they have nothing to do with him anymore.

My current boyfriend on the other hand split with his wife and he took the child with him. A series of similar things happened to him with his ex wife and he got full custody of his daughter when she was 8.

Becles

westernpromise wrote:

As a matter of interest, did anyone who's left their fella and become a SP at any point contemplate leaving without the kids and letting him deal?

It wasn't an option for me. I'd been out with the children one day, came home and he wasn't in. He never came back, then I realised all his clothes were missing. He phoned a few days later to say he'd moved out, and gradually came back to collect his belongings over time.

He lives 3 miles away and passes my village on his way to and from work, but only manages to see the children for a couple of hours once every 6-8 weeks.