Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

viktory

OK, I have read this thread from beginning to end and it is a very interesting thread. I feel that I am able to comment as I have been in the position that many of the posters here are currently in.

I had my DD at 17 years old. I was given my own council home (a 17th floor flat in the least salubrious part of town) after spending 18 months in temporary accomodation sharing the kitchen and bathroom with another family. I was a benefit claimant and was also in an abusive relationship. When my daughter was less than two I ended the abusive relationship as I knew it was damaging her as well as me. I won't bore you with all the gory detials as I am sure you have heard it all before, but I can assure you that my own horror stories are just as bad, if not worse than those on here. I didn't need to leave my home - I simply waited till he went out and changed the locks. When he turned up and kicked up a fuss I called the police. Eventually (after a long time) he gave up and left me alone. Well, actually he found another stupid teenager to impregnate but that's another story.

My daughter is now 18 years old and an extremely grounded and sensible young woman. She has a good job, excellent prospects and she loves her Mum! When her father and I parted ways, I was honest to a certain extent as to why he had left but never forgot that my job, as a loving mother, is to protect my child. This is what I did. What her father did to me had no bearing on her or our relationship. She met with him twice at her instigation (he showed no interest in her at all) and then decided she didn't want to see him again. Her choice.

I never harped on about what had happened to me, in fact, I glossed over it to protect her. Why should I burden her? it was my mistake, not hers. I think that is partly why it has not had such a negative impact on her.

The benefits I received were (in total) £60 a week. Out of that I had to pay a small amount towards the rent and pay for electric and food. Easily done. Alright, I couldn't afford a car (but I can't drive anyway!) or a holiday but I had a cheap penthouse flat, food on the table and a thriving daughter.

Eventually I got lucky. I met my husband who adored my daughter from day one, went to college, got an NVQ at level 3 and started working. Funny really because when I started working we were actually worse off than if we had stayed on benefits. It took a fair few years for us both to start earning a decent wage and actually seeing the benefits of work. We carried on, though, as we wanted the children to have a strong work ethic and there is such a sense of pride.

I have said this before and I will say it again - benefits are not supposed to give you a comfortable life - they are supposed to put food in your tummy and a subsidised roof over your head. It is not supposed to a long term way of life but an emergency stop gap.

I have absolutely no problem with single parents that are bringing up children and struggling alone because their crappy partners have had it on their toes. I have been there. What really gets my goat is those that refuse to go to work because they are better off on benefits. Or those the keep having child after child, breeding like rabbits because they wil get more money, a bigger home.....

However, there comes a point when the breeding has to stop, the children can no longer be an excuse and every college course known to man has been attempted. It is time to re-join the real world and get a job. Start paying taxes, rent, a mortgage, etc. A child of 14 is more than capable of bring him/herself home from school while mum or dad works. It will do them no harm.

When I was about eleven myself and my siblings used to come home from school to an empty house because both my parents were working. We would clear away the breakfast things and prepare the vegetables for dinner. We also always did the wshing up after dinner. It did me absolutely no hard at all and my children were also bringing themselves home from school, doing chores and taking care of each other until I got home from work. I never found it a burden as Black saturn seems to think - I was proud to be helping my parents.

My children now have a fabulous work ethic, they can cook, clean, iron clothes, change beds and so on. They are wonderful people who will lead independant lives based on the upbringing they have had.

I do think a lot of single parents these days have large chips on their shoulders and need to complain less. They do all right on benefits - I know I was there once and I managed. Life is hard, !!!! happens. Pick yourself up, get over it and get on with life.

EDIT: Just need to add - you think you have got it tough now? When I was very young my Dad slipped a disk in his back and the doctor told him to take 6 weeks off work. He didn't get sick pay so Mum went to the benefits office - they offered something in the region of 36p per day. For six people. Clearly Mum and Dad couldn't manage on that so Dad went back to work. He had no choice. Now that is having it hard.

viktory

aimex wrote:

There is a documentary on C4 tonight about the life of a single parent - it looks really good and shows what they really go through

No, it will show a couple of carefully selected benefit claimants. It won't show the whole story.

viktory

krisskross wrote:

Again I have not made myself clear. What I was trying to say is that many people do not have this level of disposable income left after paying housing costs. I still consider that on the figures given that the amount of benefit is generous, and that certainly 3 people should be able to live a comfortable life on it. The people who should be complaining are the singles or couples with no children......now they do get a raw deal when the money is being dished out.

Is anyone going to respond to this very relevant post? Come on, single parents! Let's hear it! :rotfl:

NB The amount of disposable income Krisskross has quoted is £700 after housing costs. Is this a true amount single parents get on benefits these days?

looby75

krisskross wrote:

Nothing at all about you or your income. The amounts I was referring to were posted by looby75.

LOL I wish I had £700 a month spare, I am lucky if I have £10 a month spare
I'm not exactly sure how you have worked out I have that much spare each month

lil_me

A brief SOA of a friend who is a single parent of 3
£ 1130 (Income Support inc Incapacity Benefit)
£ 315 DLA
£ 160 (well £40 something a week)
Total Benefits (4 weekly)
£1605


Rent - paid by housing benefit
Council Tax - paid for by benefit

Pays for

Gas
Elec
TV Licence
NTL
Water rates

£135 a month

Leaving £1470 for food clothes etc if she doesn't have £700 left over a month I would be shocked. So yes some do have more disposable income than others. Before anyone mentions it I know this isn't the situation of all single parents.

It is also sometimes easier said than done to find employment which pays enough to cover childcare costs aswell as provide for a family.

viktory

lil_me wrote:

A brief SOA of a friend who is a single parent of 3
£ 1130 (Income Support inc Incapacity Benefit)
£ 315 DLA
£ 160 (well £40 something a week)
Total Benefits (4 weekly)
£1605


Rent - paid by housing benefit
Council Tax - paid for by benefit

Pays for

Gas
Elec
TV Licence
NTL
Water rates

£135 a month

Leaving £1470 for food clothes etc if she doesn't have £700 left over a month I would be shocked. So yes some do have more disposable income than others.

Before anyone mentions it I know this isn't the situation of all single parents.

:eek: :eek: :eek: Wow.

lil_me

Yes it is a bit of a WOW.

But I also wouldn't swap her for the world as she is on Incapacity as she has ME and her son is disabled hence the DLA and carer premiums.

She also disagrees with the way much of the system works, that someone like her who has worked until a year ago is actually better off now and can access things like a free place for her son to go on a school trip but those on minimal incomes on WTC etc can't. She didn't apply for benefits until her ex partner left her as he couldn't take the pressure to be honest.Like me she said it's all wrong. She was shocked, in fact stunned, when the benefits came through and told her what she was entitled and said she now understands why some don't seek employment. She couldn't work and have more spare money than she has now.

Also to stop further comments, I also have been on benefits only for a short time, about 9 months and only my partner works now due to me being too unwell to work but I am taking on an OU course which I can do around appointments and treatment to help me when I can return to work. I hate not working. I managed on benefits fine, just didn't get into debt. Even managed to run a little car (which I got free) aswell.

looby75

lil_me wrote:

A brief SOA of a friend who is a single parent of 3
£ 1130 (Income Support inc Incapacity Benefit)
£ 315 DLA
£ 160 (well £40 something a week)
Total Benefits (4 weekly)
£1605


Rent - paid by housing benefit
Council Tax - paid for by benefit

Pays for

Gas
Elec
TV Licence
NTL
Water rates

£135 a month

Leaving £1470 for food clothes etc if she doesn't have £700 left over a month I would be shocked. So yes some do have more disposable income than others. Before anyone mentions it I know this isn't the situation of all single parents.

It is also sometimes easier said than done to find employment which pays enough to cover childcare costs aswell as provide for a family.

But if your friend has a disability (or one of her children has) she will probably have extra expenses there. For eg My sister gets DLA and carers allowance for her dd, she has severe Eczema and asthma. All her bedding has to to be washed everyday, she has to wear at least 3 sets of clothes a day. All the clothes and bedding get ruined very quickly because of all the creams and often blood that get on them and her washing machines never last more than 18 months at a time. She can't dry my nieces clothes/bedding outside because she is highly allergic to pollen so she has to have a dryer, which obviously cost a fair bit in electricity to run. She also has to have a top of the range hepa filter vacuum cleaner and the house has to be hovered from top to bottom every single day. My sisters house is cleaner than most hospitals (then again having seen the state of some hospitals that wouldn't be hard LOL)

All this cost money, and that's why she gets extra money. (she's not a single parent btw, I'm just trying to explain that most people get DLA payments for a very good reason)

Scarlett1

viktory wrote:

Eventually I got lucky. I met my husband who adored my daughter from day one, went to college, got an NVQ at level 3 and started working.

I do think a lot of single parents these days have large chips on their shoulders and need to complain less. They do all right on benefits - I know I was there once and I managed. Life is hard, !!!! happens. Pick yourself up, get over it and get on with life.

Viktory I admired you're post and enjoyed reading about you're life until you made the statements above

From what I have just read you didnt get off benefits on you're own merits, you only did it once you were in a relationship and so had support, so its hardly fair to criticise single parents when you could still be in the same situation if you're husband hadnt come along :rolleyes:

Correct me if Im wrong though

funnyguy

everybody on here should watch the program about single mums on channel 4 9pm. It will show some of the reality of the hardships of young single parents.Lets face it their is single mums and single mums.The former that have a relationship/marriage that just goes wrong and have to fend for themselves/and then the latter who are normally youngsters who think sex and breeding is just a game and then have to live with the consequences as will probably br revealed in tonights programme.I thought it was really sad that 8 children in my 18 year old daughters year were pregnant probably all destined to become single mums with grandparents having to become parents again..If only peolpe could learn to wait for the sake of the child and themselves until they find the right man{as far as possible}.