Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

pickledtink

black-saturn wrote:

Feel sorry for your oldest child with that burden.

I hesitate to comment really because I know full well how difficult it is but I'd have to agree that the responsibility for your oldest child is too much.
This was my own growing up situation exactly and it was a deeply damaging one. So much so that my younger siblings view me to this day as a 'parent' who was not a good one and have serious issues with that. I on the other hand had to carry a responsibility for two others when I was a child myself and at times hated them for my lack of freedom to do as other children my age did. I was an anxious depressed child who appeared bright and feisty but wasn't. I still find it difficult to say no and have to remind myself constantly that everything wrong in the world is not my fault.

I wholly understand you are working and struggling to provide for your family but one of my most powerful happy memories was when my Mother was off work for a while and the heaven of coming home to a warm home and her being there to give us breakfast in the morning without the usual tense hurry. There was always a string of instructions to me. Don't forget to pick up some bread from the shop on your way home, such and such may be coming to collect the whatever...youinger sister has some minor ailment remember to give her aspirin. plaster etc. Don't forget to put the chicken out the freezer for tomorrows dinner...
Also when younger sibling does XYZ it's your fault! You should have been watching/have known/ not have been doing something else and so on.
These things are important to children. If there is no other parent figure the eldest becomes the parent in everyones eyes. It's tough all round.
Please don't feel critiscised by me though. I am also a single parent who had no support so have been through all this personally.

It's hell for women who have to make this endless choice between putting food on the table and shoes on their feet and being there when they need your love, care and guidance.

black-saturn

viktory wrote:

Oh for God's sake!!! Will you lot stop being so sensitive!!! It was a genuine question. I was judging no one. I was also in an abusive relationship and got out well before any lasting damage was done to my daugher.

You were one of the lucky ones then. It wasn't that easy for me. I lost everything as a result and it's taken 5 years to pick up the pieces. There are plenty of women in abusive relationships for me to know that it isnt that easy to just walk out when you have nowhere to go.

Sarahsaver

ANd IF ONLY for a change the MEN would get demonised by the media in these situations! Mind you the experience made me stronger and I have insights into life that many people do not.

BTW black-saturn hello fellow cure fan;)

black-saturn

Sarahsaver wrote:

BTW black-saturn hello fellow cure fan;)

Long time Cure fan of 21 years here!!!

Spendless

krisskross wrote:

Just wondered how old you all think children need to be before it is possible to leave them and go to work? Bearing in mind that in my lifetime the school leaving age has been 14 and youngsters were then working full time. Are we mollycoddling our youngsters to such an extent that they are not capable of looking after themselves? I will agree that some children have a poor start in life with violent parents etc. but this does not preclude them becoming independent young people.

Just an observation on the income posted by a mother with 2 dependents. Unless my maths is faulty there appeared to be approx. £700 a month left after housing costs. I know loads of working families with mortgages in the south east of the country who have nothing like this amount left after housing costs. Where children are involved I think the benefits are generous.

Don't forget though that the poster who was kind enough to post her income, rents and though she has to contribute a little bit towards that, the rules for people with a mortgage are different. It is a longer waiting period before help with a mortgage kicks in and then it is help with interest only (IIRC). Also the member that did post her income mentions herself she would been fine if she had no debts.

At nearly 12 I was also left looking after my nearly 5 year old sister, not for long but certainly as an interim between 1 parent starting work, the other finishing. I'll be honest I didn't like it, though I resented it more when I got to around 15/16 and wanted to be out with my mates without a little sister tagging along.

Childcare for the 11 -13 year old age group is difficult. Many playschemes are attached to primary schools and won't take children past year 6, and the children don't always want to go to a childminder even if they are preapared to take an older child.

black-saturn

krisskross wrote:

Just an observation on the income posted by a mother with 2 dependents. Unless my maths is faulty there appeared to be approx. £700 a month left after housing costs. I know loads of working families with mortgages in the south east of the country who have nothing like this amount left after housing costs. Where children are involved I think the benefits are generous.

I think you might be pointing at my thread there about my SOA. If you are I would like to point out that I am not on benefits.

Penny-Pincher!!

BS-Can I ask how you recieve Free School Dinners if you do not recieve Child Tax Credits? My SIL works for the Inland Revenue and has told me that you have to be receiving Child Tax Credits and have a total income of less than £14155 per year to qualify.

DD is entitled but she had problems with the meals so we have paid for her pack lunch for the last year. We are on IS and DD receives Child Tax Credits.

Im really confused...lol...which is not difficult:D

PP
xx

Edinburghlass_2

Penny-Pincher!! wrote:

BS-Can I ask how you recieve Free School Dinners if you do not recieve Child Tax Credits? My SIL works for the Inland Revenue and has told me that you have to be receiving Child Tax Credits and have a total income of less than £14155 per year to qualify.

DD is entitled but she had problems with the meals so we have paid for her pack lunch for the last year. We are on IS and DD receives Child Tax Credits.

Im really confused...lol...which is not difficult:D

PP
xx

I don't think its anything to do with Inland Revenue but the local council

Receiving CTC along with a low income does not qualify you for free lunches here and its certainly nothing to do with the IR.

Spendless

You can't be in receipt of working tax credit and receive school dinners even if your income is below the specified amount

http://www.salford.gov.uk/learning/lea/schoolmeals/freeschoolmeals.htm

Penny-Pincher!!

Sorry....SIL works for local council not IR. Was reading another thread and got words muddled. Do each council have their own rules? This is stated from our local council website:

Free School Meals are available to children attending a Borough local authority maintained school, whose families are in receipt of either:

• Income Support, or,
• Income-based Job Seekers Allowance, or,
• Child Tax Credit, but not Working Tax credit, and have an annual income (as assessed by the Inland Revenue) of £14,155 or below from 6 April 2006. With regard to Tax Credits please refer to the Inland Revenue's guidelines for qualification and definition of household income especially if you have a partner and are a couple, or,
• Guarantee Element of State Pension Credit.

PP
xx