Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

looby75

When my dd was born I was only 18, everytime I went out with my dd in her pushchair I would get comments about "un married mothers" and what a shame it was...on the baby.

What they didn't know is that I was actually married, that I had been with my dd's dad since I was 15 and he was the only man I have ever had sex with. I faced the single mother prejudice long before I actually was one. And yes people would tut and push past me while I was struggling with my dd and the pushchair, while muttering under their breath about how unmarried mothers are waste of tax payers money. And this was 13 years ago. Nothing much has changed.

lancsman_2

I would get comments about "un married mothers" and what a shame it was...on the baby.

I once had somebody make a comment about me being a weekend Dad once when I was in McDonalds one Saturday. Not bad considering my daughter sees her Mum about 3 times a year :rotfl:

WestieFan

westernpromise wrote:

If she decides she wants a child, she can then find someone to make her pregnant. She need not consult or inform him about her intentions first, and she can force him to become a parent against his will if she chooses. He - or, if he can't be found, the state - then has to fund the consequences of her choices for 18 years.

I'm sorry, but that doesn't wash with me. Life is all about choices, we all make both bad ones and good ones.

If a man decides he doesn't want a child, then how can a woman force him to become a parent? He has a choice whether to use contraception or not. If he chooses not to, then he can't complain he was forced to become a parent against his will.

ps Glad to see this thread has become civil again

pink_phantom

If a person doesn't want children then it is down to them to make sure it doesnt happen, nobody else.

mrcow

looby75 wrote:

while muttering under their breath about how unmarried mothers are waste of tax payers money. And this was 13 years ago. Nothing much has changed.

I'm an unmarried mother and have been for the past five years and I've never heard anybody mutter any such kind of rubbish anywhere near me

Smashing

mrcow wrote:

I'm an unmarried mother and have been for the past five years and I've never heard anybody mutter any such kind of rubbish anywhere near me

That's because you need to try harder to go out of your way to look for circumstances where people might be biased against you. I'd suggest taking a pen and paper in your handbag and noting down any funny looks you get as a starting point.

looby75

mrcow wrote:

I'm an unmarried mother and have been for the past five years and I've never heard anybody mutter any such kind of rubbish anywhere near me

And I'm really glad that has been your experience, but I promise you I'm not making this up.

I was a happily married woman by the time dd arrived (ok only just but that's not the point lol) I had a wedding and engagement ring on my finger but I actually had someone tell me I should take them off because I wasn't fooling anyone :mad: :rolleyes: There are some people in this world that are so set on their own image of the world the refuse to accept that they could be wrong.

And they always seem to be happiest to pick on the people who are already having a rough time of things to attack. In my case they got it wrong and I told them so.

seven-day-weekend

I think maybe the reason single dads are treated differently to single mums is that usually they have not become single dads through choice, whereas a substantial minority of single mums have. I know it is not right to tar everyone with the same brush - in fact, amongst my friends who are single parents one's husband left her and one's husband died: I also know two single dads, one deserted by his wife and one whose wife died at 39 - but on the whole people see single dads as not chosing their status but single mums sometimes doing so.

Unfair....but whoever promised fairness? Men usually get the raw end of the deal upon divorce, that isn't fair either.

looby75

Smashing wrote:

That's because you need to try harder to go out of your way to look for circumstances where people might be biased against you. I'd suggest taking a pen and paper in your handbag and noting down any funny looks you get as a starting point.

What a load of rubbish!

When I got married I was the happiest person on the planet. The man I loved with all my heart had promised to spend his life with me, we had a baby on the way and everything was as it should be. Fast forward a few months.

My dd was 14 weeks old, we had had a rough few weeks because of bfing problems and colic, but she seemed to have settled down and was sleeping from 10 pm to 6am, I was happy and content.

Then I took my dd out shopping on my own for the first time and the many comments about unwed mothers started. I wasn't paranoid, but the comments were definately there. A week or so later my SIL came shopping with me and she ended up in a blazing row with a woman in mothercare's baby changing rooms because of some of the comments.

It is/was NOT my imagination and I certainly wasn't looking for nasty comments.

mrcow

looby75 wrote:

Then I took my dd out shopping on my own for the first time and the many comments about unwed mothers started. I wasn't paranoid, but the comments were definately there. A week or so later my SIL came shopping with me and she ended up in a blazing row with a woman in mothercare's baby changing rooms because of some of the comments.

Still having problems getting my head round this.

Has anyone else here ever seriously experienced any sort of comment being made to them in the street about not having a wedding ring? Or ever had any personal comments made to them about being an unmarried mum?

It's just that you say "nothing much has changed". Well perhaps it has...? Perhaps you'd have expected this sort of thing even 20 years ago, but whenever I've gone out with the children, the only comments I've ever had were how cute/well behaved they are.

Where do you live?