Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

astonsmummy

pandas66 wrote:

very true, a family friends husband has alzeheimers. He had had it for 15 years in vary degrees, the later 8-10 years has been a nightmare for her, he is very clingy to her similar in response as a 3 year old in fact. He screams and kicks when she goes out, this she does once a week for 2 hours to pay bills, doctors app, dentist app or maybe the hairdressers. She receives no other help physically with him as she is 10 years younger than him, she has a help with his food and bedding, which is changed 2-3 times a day.She has had a far worse time in her 10-15 years than I have.

bless her. can she not get some form of respite care? even if it's once a month for a day or overnight? it's such a shame, maybe she should hound social services or go to an agency (dont know if she's tried this already) there are leaflets in our docs surgery for support groups for full time carers, maybe u could find out some info for her xx

astonsmummy

pandas66 wrote:

but I still want to stay at the top of the 'hardest done by'.............

after reading ur post i feel like a bit of a tit now! lol
(although i still like to wallow in self pity every now and again!

pandas66

astonsmummy wrote:

bless her. can she not get some form of respite care? even if it's once a month for a day or overnight? it's such a shame, maybe she should hound social services or go to an agency (dont know if she's tried this already) there are leaflets in our docs surgery for support groups for full time carers, maybe u could find out some info for her xx

its her age thats against her! she can get carers allowance but its help she needs BUT and a big but he is like a 3yr old and tantrums, no-one wants to be near him! He is a grown man aged 68 she is 55 (I think)anyhooo I tell you what she's a real happy bod, even with her 'lot'.

msmicawber

Anthillmob wrote:

oh and so its different is it? how about nights up with baby because your oh has got work the next day so needs their sleep but im ok coz im on mat.leave? or if he should go out for an evening?

its all the bleeding same. its a struggle/hard job whatever the circumstances. dont tell me because someones single its 10 times worse than being in a relationship.

atm im a SAHM so i do most of the hard work. should i start bleating about how hard done by i am? how hard it is?

Well, on the up side, you're not constantly assumed to be a Vicky Pollard and looked down on by people who don't know you or your circumstances. On the down side, people assume that your OH is supportive and if that's not true, then I agree it's very tiring and stressful and you do seem very stressed.

Zziggi

Sarahsaver wrote:

A common misconception is that people choose single parenthood. Some do but the majority do not.

Really? What is your evidence from this (other than annecdotal).

[comments not directed at Sarahsaver]

I think that many people chose to leave a relationship with the kids because it suits them and they don't wish to work through a difficult patch. As we do have a safety net of benefits, maybe people do find leaving easier than if we lived in a society without single parent benefits. I accept that there are parents who find it completely intollerable to live with their partner for good reasons e.g. abuse and therefore have to live as single parents with their children. However I do not think they are the majority of single parents.

Why is it single parents always have a "sob story" to tell about how their ex was lazy, useless, put this kids at risk in some way etc etc. They can't ALL be like that. As i have already said, *some* people will have violent ex-partners but if you read through this thread you would get the impression it is practically everyone.

I haven't heard one single person on this thread have the balls to admit to choosing to be a single parent. Come on, some of you must have chosen the route of being a single parent (for whatever reason, be it 'cos it is easier, because you wanted more freedom or whatever). It just appears no-one on this thread is brave enough to admit it. Everyone just choses to recount a sob story - and no doubt all your ex-partners have an equally dramatic sob story that they tell everyone about you. Anyone done psychology? - attribution theory.....

No doubt an unpopular post that'll I get slated for. However for your information, I do not have a problem with single parents per se and i believe that having a welfare state, where women who are in an abusive situation do have the option to get out (due to the benefits safety net), is a darn good thing. What i dislike is where all people of a particular group (in this case single parents) all bleet on about how bad it is, feeling sorry for themselves and going on about how it is not their fault they became single parents. According to this view you must all be
fr!ggin' angels with extreme bad luck in choosing partners to have kids with. This simple can't bear any resemblance to reality.

lancsman_2

No doubt an unpopular post

I can't decide if you are totally ignorant, clueless or a windup merchant. You really have no idea.

astonsmummy

Zziggi wrote:

Really? What is your evidence from this (other than annecdotal).

[comments not directed at Sarahsaver]

I think that many people chose to leave a relationship with the kids because it suits them and they don't wish to work through a difficult patch. As we do have a safety net of benefits, maybe people do find leaving easier than if we lived in a society without single parent benefits. I accept that there are parents who find it completely intollerable to live with their partner for good reasons e.g. abuse and therefore have to live as single parents with their children. However I do not think they are the majority of single parents.

Why is it single parents always have a "sob story" to tell about how their ex was lazy, useless, put this kids at risk in some way etc etc. They can't ALL be like that. As i have already said, *some* people will have violent ex-partners but if you read through this thread you would get the impression it is practically everyone.

I haven't heard one single person on this thread have the balls to admit to choosing to be a single parent. Come on, some of you must have chosen the route of being a single parent (for whatever reason, be it 'cos it is easier, because you wanted more freedom or whatever). It just appears no-one on this thread is brave enough to admit it. Everyone just choses to recount a sob story - and no doubt all your ex-partners have an equally dramatic sob story that they tell everyone about you. Anyone done psychology? - attribution theory.....

No doubt an unpopular post.

you obviouly havent read it all then, sarahsaver left her fella.
I'm sorry are you a single parent? people dont just leave with their children for no reason, or because freedom - obvioulsy they dont love the person or the person doesnt love them.
not all single parents leave either alot of us get left.
A partner doesnt have to be violent to be a useless waste of space - my sons father never raised a hand to me but messed my head up badly when we were together, if i was a stronger person i probably would of left him in the end.
adultery, ignorrance, plain lazyness the list is endless of reasons u dont want to be with someone, maybe u just dont love them anymore.
Do you know the majority of single parents? no didnt think so, :rolleyes:
Some single parents are single before they have even given birth, i was left when i was about 4 months pregnant, i dont give people a sob story i tell the truth about what happend, and i'm damn sure if you asked ds father the reasons he would agree - he cant keep his willy in his trousers (the other 3 children are proof of this) :rolleyes:

astonsmummy

lancsman wrote:

I can't decide if you are totally ignorant, clueless or a windup merchant. You really have no idea.

all three i think!

black-saturn

astonsmummy wrote:

Good on you, i personally dont think men get the respect and stuff they deserve when they are single dads, correct me if i am wrong but i suspect it is harder being a single dad than being a single mum

I think it's the other way round. Single dads get loads of respect, it's the single mums that don't.

astonsmummy

black-saturn wrote:

I think it's the other way round. Single dads get loads of respect, it's the single mums that don't.

respect was probably the wrong word, what i meant was it is as if single dad's dont exist (if that makes sense) sorry cant think of the right words!:o