Its a wonderful life... Want to try.....?? A Single parents View.. !!xx!

lancsman_2

I think it's the other way round. Single dads get loads of respect, it's the single mums that don't.

We may not get tarred with the stereotypical single parent brush but we do have different battles. Mainly one of recognition that we do the same job. Most single parent facilities/organisations/support networks are geared up for single mums. Employment is probably one of the hardest areas. It's more acceptable to many employers that single mums will inevitably need time off to cope with a child related problem the attitude when I do it is totally different.

It's not that long ago that I had to write to Gingerbread to point out that their documentation had several references to single mother when it should have said single parent.

I even know single mums who still think that a single dad in exactly the same situation doesn't have the same amount of work to do as they do.:rotfl:

black-saturn

My boyfriend has been a single dad with full custody of his daughter for 8 years. I find it very annoying when people say things like "He looks after his daughter ALL ON HIS OWN!! He does ALL the cooking and cleaning himself". What do they think I do? Perhaps the childminder fairy and cleaning fairy come along. They also conveniently fail to mention that he has been given a council house wheras if a single mum got this she would be called a scrounger.

Zziggi

astonsmummy wrote:

A partner doesnt have to be violent to be a useless waste of space - my sons father never raised a hand to me but messed my head up badly when we were together,

i said "e.g. abuse". I did not specify which kind of abuse. You chose to interpret it to mean physical violence. Psychological abuse can be damaging, if not more damaging than physical abuse.

astonsmummy wrote:

Some single parents are single before they have even given birth, i was left when i was about 4 months pregnant,

I bet you were unmarried as well.....:rolleyes:

astonsmummy wrote:

i dont give people a sob story i tell the truth about what happend,

"the truth" is an objective fact is it? Never an interpretation coloured by subsequent events....

I still stand by my comments. It isn't socially acceptable to say that you left your ex-partner for selfish reasons, so nobody dares say this even in the relatively annonymous arena of the internet. We all know people do leave for selfish reasons & because it is somehow easier to live without their otherhalf.

msmicawber

Zziggi wrote:

I think that many people chose to leave a relationship with the kids because it suits them and they don't wish to work through a difficult patch.

etc. didn't quote the whole post as it's very long.

Why do you think that many people choose this, or decide to be lone parents? I haven't met any. You slated someone else for using annecdotal evidence and yet this sounds like the same - too much Daily Mail perhaps?

It also annoys me that you assume all lone parents feel sorry for themselves. Not all of us do - I don't. Doesn't everyone have some grievance in life that they'd like acknowledged? If so, I don't think that's whinging. I do feel sorry for my children, though, that they just have one full-time parent.

lancsman_2

Not all of us do - I don't.

Can't see that matters, there is a clearly an expert around who knows why all single parents are whinging self pitying scroungers :rotfl:

msmicawber

Thank goodness, because after 7 years of being one, I don't! Tee hee

I know what you mean about the different battles for single fathers, though. A friend of mine had to complain in Mothercare (amongst other places) years ago that the baby changing facilities are nearly always in the ladies loos, leaving men needing to change their babies in a difficult position. My children are long beyond that stage now, so I don't look the same way, but am not aware that much has changed on that front.

Zziggi

msmicawber wrote:

etc. didn't quote the whole post as it's very long.

Why do you think that many people choose this, or decide to be lone parents? I haven't met any. You slated someone else for using annecdotal evidence and yet this sounds like the same - too much Daily Mail perhaps?

It also annoys me that you assume all lone parents feel sorry for themselves. Not all of us do - I don't. Doesn't everyone have some grievance in life that they'd like acknowledged?

Absolutely. What got to me was that i read a fair bit of this thread and it just appeared to be all single parents all telling their sad stories about how they are single parents. I got bored so forgive me for not reading the whole thread. How come everyone was singing the same song. You can't all be so badly treated. It is partly based on this that i have formed the view that single parents seem to feel sorry for themselves. Very little personal responsability. You chose a complete w@nker to have kids with. But that's always someone elses fault is it?

msmicawber wrote:

I do feel sorry for my children, though, that they just have one full-time parent.

Absolutely. It isn't the children's fault. It's always the parents whether that be a b@stard of a dad or a selfish mother.

P.S. Daily Mail? No chance!! Well only when they have vouchers in them that is more than treble the cover price of the paper. Even then i flick through the paper and never read it. If i did read it i'd probably p!ss myself laughing at what they call journalism & news worth stories. Anyway back to teh freebies board....

Zziggi

lancsman wrote:

Can't see that matters, there is a clearly an expert around who knows why all single parents are whinging self pitying scroungers :rotfl:

hmm that's an interesting interpretation of what i was saying in my posts.

Like i said an interpretation. Would be interesting to know why you have chosen to take that interpretation. It says more about you than me.

self-pitying - in the story that is being told - yes. In reality - well who can tell?
whining - well that's debatable but according to this thread....
scroungers - did i say that? No i didn't!

The crux of my point was that single parents (from the thread i read) tell a socially acceptable story. Who cares if it has any bearing on the truth.

black-saturn

You sound like one of those complete hankies weve all been unfortunate enough to have children with.

Penny-Pincher!!

Hi Zziggi....some very valid points hun!

Maybe you can use the contents of this thread for your next TMA:D :rotfl:

PP
xx