I am a Bridezilla and my confession is....

bubbles0169

i could really cry because our pc was playing up h2b took it to his work mate who is supposedly good with pc's, h2b 'backed up' all my stuff to a harddrive which inc all my bookmarks of wedding related things, two years worth, so i plug it into the lappy to have a peruse and theres about 10 on there!!! 10 measly links!!!! h2b's mate had to wipe the hard drive on our pc so theyre totally lost gone nada zip....so sad

sk00bie1

Oh no Bubbles, thats awful Hopefully you can remember your favourites though?

I think I want to scream!

OH and I decided to get married in Las Vegas so we could have a small wedding, the way we want it.

We have just chosen a date and are sorting a budget this weekend before sending out save the dates etc. My parents are helping with some of the cost, which has apparently given my mum the right to dictate what invitations we can have and who we get to invite amongst other things.

OH's parents have decided that they are paying for his brother's fiance and 5 year old son to come, without asking me or OH if they are even invited. (His brother passed away 2 years ago and I supposed having the son there is their way of having OHs brother 'there' if that makes sense.) This means that OHs parents will likely be minding the son for most of the time away and OH is concerned his dad (who is best man) won't be there for him. OH also has a sister who probably won't be there as she won't be able to afford to bring herself and her 2 daughters. Makes me so mad that they aren't considering her feelings too. Aside from the fact neither me or my OH are that close to the fiance and at 5 the nephew will have little idea of what is going on. /sigh

And just when I think it couldn't get any worse, I find out my sister (1 of my 3 BMs) has been invited on a safari to South Africa with her BFs family at the same time as the wedding! ARGHHHHH!!!! Not that I think she would chose that over the wedding but it's got everyone a bit stressed!.

I know I must sound like a whiney old bag but these are the exact problems we were trying to avoid by getting married in Vegas Just needed to get it all out hehe.

bubbles0169

ah sorry your having a hard time, unfortunatly all weddings come with some type of stress where guests are involved!
my memorys terrible, thats why i bookmarked things so i could find them again:(

sk00bie1

Well if you need help looking for stuff I'll try my best to help! There's loads of ideas on Pinterest, have you joined? It's an online pinboard, very distracting!!

Hopefully things will calm down here after the weekend when a few more talks have gone on!

I know it will all be ok in the end when I marry my gorgeous man, but flipping heck, they're all driving me potty!

flossy_splodge

sk00bie1 wrote: »

Oh no Bubbles, thats awful Hopefully you can remember your favourites though?

I think I want to scream!

OH and I decided to get married in Las Vegas so we could have a small wedding, the way we want it.
And YOU, of course, are the only ones to be considered here! Selfish or what. We have just chosen a date without checking if key people are also going to be available???and are sorting a budget this weekend before sending out save the dates etc. My parents are helping with some of the cost, which has apparently given my mum the right (????) to dictate what invitations we can have and who we get to invite amongst other things.|And you just want to take the money and run?? Wonder if its occurred to you that she may just be assuming that you understand and want what she does? There's a real problem in my opinion with the younger generation thinking they know best.

OH's parents have decided that they are paying for his brother's fiance and 5 year old son to come, without asking me or OH if they are even invited. (His brother passed away 2 years ago and I supposed having the son there is their way of having OHs brother 'there' if that makes sense.) This means that OHs parents will likely be minding the son for most of the time away and OH is concerned his dad (who is best man) won't be there for him. So ask! OH also has a sister who probably won't be there as she won't be able to afford to bring herself and her 2 daughters. Thats YOUR choice, by where you've chosen the venue, don't blame parents for that!Makes me so mad that they aren't considering her feelings too. Are you? Aside from the fact neither me or my OH are that close to the fiance and at 5 the nephew will have little idea of what is going on. /sigh

And just when I think it couldn't get any worse, I find out my sister (1 of my 3 BMs) has been invited on a safari to South Africa with her BFs family at the same time as the wedding! ARGHHHHH!!!! Not that I think she would chose that over the wedding but it's got everyone a bit stressed!.So a once in a lifetime opportunity for your sister is not a priority for you but you expect to be a priority for her??? Hmm.

I know I must sound like a whiney old bag but these are the exact problems we were trying to avoid by getting married in Vegas Just needed to get it all out hehe.

So you could change your plans and have your wedding in the UK?

Strikes me you need to be a proper adult, not just a chronological one and HAVE A CONVERSATION with these people. Believe it or not, given the chance to have their opinion considered, most people, EVEN 'olds' will be reasonable.

My DD recently got married and chose not to invite some people I think she 'ought' to have invited but she 'knows best'. Time will tell.

But the protocols suggest that, for one, if you are invited, AND ATTEND someone else's wedding then you invite them to yours. It's manners.

Similarly if you don't want someone there (the OH and child) then have a conversation with your parents and tell them they will now have to uninvite them (if thats what you want) as YOU were not going to include them.
Some of these expected ways of behaing have stood the test of time for a reason!

I must admit I wouldn't have dreamt of inviting anyone for my DD, it was made VERY clear that it was HER do and I would be 'allowed' to be involved in some of it at her discretion. You can never undo leaving people feeling unwanted, its out there forever.
So my advice for what its worth is either make it a REALLY small do of immediate family or be kinder and allow those who would reasonably expect to come to attend. You have a choice, just act with thought and kindness and all will be well.

sk00bie1

We have checked if everyone is available, since we got engaged we planned to get married in the Easter holidays 2013 and all the close family were aware of this. Funny how all the problems surface when we actually go to book something!

My mum knows that I disgree with her, the problems come from me saying we'd like it this way if possible and she says no we're going to do it THIS way, no compromise! I completely understand that she'd like some input but I'd like her to consider our feelings too, it is our wedding after all.

My OH is going to speak to his parents about the OH and son, it's a very difficult situation due to the loss of his brother so he's waiting for the right moment.
I completely understand that some people we'd like to be there will not be able to attend, in fact most of OHs family won't be there and he accepts this.
Personally though I am upset that his parents will pay for the OH and son just like that without considering any of their other children. If they can't afford to help all then they shouldn't help any imo. But thats just me

My sister... well let's just say this isn't a once in a lifetime thing for her and tbh yes I expect to be a priority, I'm only getting married once!

flossy_splodge wrote: »

So you could change your plans and have your wedding in the UK?

We could, and that would open up many more cans of worms! And we've got our hearts set on getting married in Vegas. The reception, cake, speeches etc will take place back in the UK so as many family and friends can be included as possible.

Strikes me you need to be a proper adult, not just a chronological one and HAVE A CONVERSATION with these people. Believe it or not, given the chance to have their opinion considered, most people, EVEN 'olds' will be reasonable.

As I said above, I don't think mum is being reasonable!


My DD recently got married and chose not to invite some people I think she 'ought' to have invited but she 'knows best'. Time will tell.

But the protocols suggest that, for one, if you are invited, AND ATTEND someone else's wedding then you invite them to yours. It's manners.

I completely agree with this, but it doesn't apply for most of the people she would like there.
As an aside though, I notice that you said if you are invited and attend someone's wedding you should invite them to yours, what about if you are invited but don't attend? should they be invited to yours?

Similarly if you don't want someone there (the OH and child) then have a conversation with your parents and tell them they will now have to uninvite them (if thats what you want) as YOU were not going to include them.
Some of these expected ways of behaing have stood the test of time for a reason!

Like I said, difficult situation, I'm terrified of falling out with OH's family about this

I must admit I wouldn't have dreamt of inviting anyone for my DD, it was made VERY clear that it was HER do and I would be 'allowed' to be involved in some of it at her discretion. You can never undo leaving people feeling unwanted, its out there forever.

I can't imagine my mum not being involved, I just need to encourage her to compromise

So my advice for what its worth is either make it a REALLY small do of immediate family or be kinder and allow those who would reasonably expect to come to attend. You have a choice, just act with thought and kindness and all will be well.

We want a REALLY small immediate family only do, but it seems to be getting out of hand! You're right, it will all be solved by talking it out. I just didn't envisage any problems (naive perhaps?) I especially didn't expect to clash with mum as we usually agree on everything!

Thanks for your input, it's good to see everything from another point of view.

flossy_splodge

sk00bie1 wrote: »

We have checked if everyone is available, since we got engaged we planned to get married in the Easter holidays 2013 and all the close family were aware of this. Funny how all the problems surface when we actually go to book something!

My mum knows that I disgree with her, the problems come from me saying we'd like it this way if possible and she says no we're going to do it THIS way, no compromise!Ah, fair enough, thats not at all reasonable. I completely understand that she'd like some input but I'd like her to consider our feelings too, it is our wedding after all.
Absolutely true.
My OH is going to speak to his parents about the OH and son, it's a very difficult situation due to the loss of his brother so he's waiting for the right moment.
I completely understand that some people we'd like to be there will not be able to attend, in fact most of OHs family won't be there and he accepts this.
Personally though I am upset that his parents will pay for the OH and son just like that without considering any of their other children. If they can't afford to help all then they shouldn't help any imo. But thats just me
Again I agree absolutely. My FIL was rigid about this and I, for one really appreciated it. However, in my own case, I don't have much money and at the mo it is just one of my two that is in dire need of assistance so it is really difficult to be equal handed when I barely have the money to help the one in need. So my solution is my will addresses this issue so the booka are balanced when they come to sell my house. Best I can do.:o
My sister... well let's just say this isn't a once in a lifetime thing for her and tbh yes I expect to be a priority, I'm only getting married once!
Fair comment.


We want a REALLY small immediate family only do, but it seems to be getting out of hand! You're right, it will all be solved by talking it out. I just didn't envisage any problems (naive perhaps?) I especially didn't expect to clash with mum as we usually agree on everything!

Thanks for your input, it's good to see everything from another point of view.

What a truly uplifting response. Thank you. My comments were made to try and offer a perspective that often seems to be overlooked so thank you for taking it as intended and I wish you all the very best for your big day. Sure it'll be wonderful. xx

becca0417

We invited a friend of mine to the evening do. She is recently divorced and has no partner etc so we only put her name on the invite. She has replied saying x plus guest. Is it me or is this extremely rude?! There are other people coming to the evening that she is also friends with.

bride2be2012

I'm a bridezilla as when we heard yesterday SIL2B just got engaged, my first thought was 'Now MIL2B can leave us alone and stop interfering in our wedding, she can go bug SIL2B instead!'

sugarwalsh

Becca, yes that is very rude. You should explain to her that due to numbers being tight you can only have those you have invited. We didn't do plus ones for our day time and since then my sister has met someone. I am happy for her to bring him, but I made it clear we don't want to be paying for random strangers to come to our wedding. We have allowed plus one's in the evening, but that is because we have to get to minimum 100 guests so I would rather over invite than under invite.
Let her know how you feel.
MEgan