How important is marriage?

tabskitten

I am getting married in june and cannot wait.
And that is not because we are having a big do!!
we are having a reg office, dinner after, just my parents and his and siblings, no honeymoon
we already live together so nothing will change as such
reason i can't wait?


i am in love and cannot wait to be named as my
oh's wife, he as my husband, its not about anyone else its all about us. Our date, our day our lives. thats all:)

Oldernotwiser

anguk wrote: »

personally I think you make more of an effort because you know that it's easier to walk away.

If living together is as much of a committment as being married, why do you think it's easier to walk away?

anguk

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If living together is as much of a committment as being married, why do you think it's easier to walk away?

I mean easier as in you don't have to go through the hassle & expense of a divorce. Sorry I'm not very good at explaining myself, I know what I mean but it's difficult to put it into words.

donquine

Leona1295 wrote: »

He says he doesn't ever want to get married [...] I have the complete opposite view

Ultimately, one of you will have to compromise or you'll have to call it a day.

The way I see it, giving up on getting married is a much bigger sacrifice than giving up on not changing the status quo. Doesn't really matter what I think, though - you and your boyfriend need to talk this out without fighting. Difficult, because it's an emotive issue.

Almo

I'm not married - I emigrated with my OH, I sponsored him in our new country, we have a mortgage, a business and a cat together. Marriage is not important to me - I have no religious beliefs, so that context is not important and here, de facto (or common-law) relationships are legally recognised after 2 years. This is important to me because I want my OH to be able to be involved and make decisions should anything happen to me. If/when we move back to the UK, that would be my motivation to get married.

You have to weigh up what is important to you and why it's important to you. I believe that if your motivation to get married is because you think it makes for a stronger relationship then you are in trouble already. If you want to get married for religious reasons, or because you want to celebrate your relationship in front of others - go for it and be happy. Marriage should never be seen as security that it won't all go wrong.

I echo others' comments about whether it's worth throwing away a relationship just because your OH doesn't want to marry you but equally recognise the argument that if he cares that much for you, he should do anything to shut you up (sorry for the words, but that's effectively what it is). The thing is, only you know your OH - does he, in your eyes, have a valid reason for wanting to avoid marriage?

Almo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

My husband lived with someone for several years and I know she would have liked to have got married. When I asked him what he said to her about this he said that he told her it was a pointless piece of paper which they didn't need.
He asked me to marry him within a week of getting together and we've been married now for over 20 years.

Read between the lines; he's really not that into you!

Just because your husband is the kind of guy who's prepared to string people along doesn't mean all other men are like that.

Eton_Rifle

Forget the romantic and emotional aspects as they're different for all of us and we all respond individually to them.

Consider instead the legal aspects as they are irrefutable.

Compare the legal advantages and disadvantages of marriage vs co-habiting and then pick which state suits your requirements and needs.

Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it's a legal contract and foremost and you'd do well to investigate the implications before you bind yourself to another person in the eyes of the law.

I have to say though, because it is a legal contract, I think it can be considered almost romantic. As a husband, I'm saying I love you so much that I want to give you half of everything I own - even if we split up, even if we eventually fall out, I care so much about you that I will ensure that you have some protection and entitlements. I'm not going to turn my back on you.
Now that is love.

Mrs_Ryan

Oh my god - ringenvy.com :eek:

I am VERY envious! I badly want to get married, but OH doesnt. It will probably be the killer of our relationship at some stage given the fact he proposed to his ex.... twice.

Like someone else said, I guess he's just not that into me

dipsy

I was with someone for 6 years, he always said he wanted to get married to me but we never did, suspect it was me more than him, he had been married twice, met new fella wanted to get married.....

dipsy

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Oh my god - ringenvy.com :eek:

I am VERY envious! I badly want to get married, but OH doesnt. It will probably be the killer of our relationship at some stage given the fact he proposed to his ex.... twice.

Like someone else said, I guess he's just not that into me

dont think thats the case, he thought he was enough for her but not for you... you might find him boring after your "shackled"