How important is marriage?

euronorris

Well, what are his reasons for not doing it then?

He's tried to 'cast you aside' before?

If he won't budge, or you don't feel his reasons are good enough/lies, then you need to consider how important marriage is to you. ie, if you never got married, would that be OK, or would you resent him for it, be angry with him etc? Only you can answer that.

Hugs for you though! x

Person_one

Mums can be annoyingly insightful sometimes.

gratefulforhelp_2

Leona sorry, honey but often when men say this they then go on to have a new relationship in which they do believe in marriage and do get married.

If its really important to you (and its not weird or unreasonable, I share your view) then I'm afraid you may have a difficult choice to make.

old_motters

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

I have spoken to him about it - at length (and it always causes an argument!) He knows I wouldnt turn him down - in fact my friend who is a lot younger than me got married recently and I got really upset - I told him that I felt unloved and like he only wanted me to run round after him and that he could cast me aside when he had had enough (he's tried this before) he told me not to be so stupid and he claims he loves me but as my mum said if he wont prove it then does he really mean it?
I do love him and want to marry him but he wont budge...

If anyone ever tried to ditch me, I'd let them. I wouldn't want to be in a half-hearted relationship even if he's making all the right noises at the moment.

Have you had a conversation about kids, pensions and retirement, mortgages, when you plan to have certain goals achieved as a couple. If he's not willing to talk about them or start setting goals and dates, then you really need to examine whether he has long term plans either involving you or plans of any kind.

old_motters

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Leona sorry, honey but often when men say this they then go on to have a new relationship in which they do believe in marriage and do get married.

If its really important to you (and its not weird or unreasonable, I share your view) then I'm afraid you may have a difficult choice to make.

TBH, I've done this. I had no plans to marry or have kids with an ex- of mine even though it was very much on her mind. Since then I've married someone else and am expecting a baby. It wasn't a deliberate decision to string my ex- along, it just worked out that way.

gratefulforhelp_2

And (sorry) I expect women do it too.

puffinmuffin

Also, i feel that 22 and 24 are pretty young ages to be getting married nowadays. I'm not sure many 24 year old men (or women!) know if they want to marry or not! Most people i know didn't marry until their late 20s/early 30s, even after being in 7-8 year relationships (but then most them spent their 20s studying, working travelling etc)I am 32 this year, soon i will start to worry about becoming a spinster!

shellsuit

Getting married for us is important, because...

We love each other and want to make our declaration of love for each other in front of our friends and family.

We will be each others next of kin. (this is extremely important!)

We have a son together and it feels right to now make our lifetime commitment to each other. (Him and our son already have one as they will always be son and Father).

I can't wait for him to be my husband and for me to be his wife.

It means something to us both, that each of us are prepared to stand up and say we want to be with each other forever.

I'll answer this thread again next October and see if my reasons are the same (joke!)

Actually, maybe it will make us both grow up a little, because we are late and mid 30's, but 15 in the head!

marywooyeah

reck_uk wrote: »

. Then you have people like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn who have been together (and not married) for over 20 years now.

They split up last year!

lostinrates

shellsuit wrote: »

....

We have a son together and it feels right to now make our lifetime commitment to each other. (Him and our son already have one as they will always be son and Father).

I agree with this.

while having children together should be a pretty ultimate commitment, it is becomes a ...contract of family, not a commitment to each other. I feel very strongly there is a difference between a committed family and a committed couple. The ideal must be to strive for both. I would say both my parents were committed to their family, but not to each other (although they were married) and this definitely was impactful to me as a child and young adult. Marriage, as in the case of my parents, doesn't make it committed for ever but it CAN (not does, but can) be a part of doing that.