How important is marriage?

Jeff77

Lotus-eater wrote: »

But I suspect as long as you are married, all the rest comes out alright

You got it right there. The things that you've mentioned become more meaningful with marriage. So I guess marriage is like salt because it adds flavor to your family life.

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Most women with any sense realise that a man who doesn't want to get married to them ( particularly if it's important to the woman herself ) is lacking in commitment. For some women it doesn't matter of course;I just think people shouldn't fool themselves.

Well I must be an unintelligent fool then because I don't believe that's necessarily always the case. Your situation isn't the bench mark for measuring male commitment, your husband not wanting to marry previously is only a sign of his situation, no-one elses.

I think it's more down to the old 'men are from mars' thing, I think men and women simply view things differently. Women are an emotional species, men are more pragmatic. In a woman's eyes, no marriage may well = no commitment but in a man's eye's, it might just mean unecessary hassle for no significant benefit. That's not the same thing as not being committed, it's just a different view...this isn't a right or wrong situation, there isn't a correct answer, it's all just personal choice and I don't accept a 'no marriage' view can automatically be classed as you suggest.

Certainly in some situations, it will be the case, but it's not a given that's the reason for all and I think it's silly to generalise in that way.

bexta

I think marriage is one of those things - it does sort out a lot of things legally, if it all goes wrong (death, separation, illness), but at the same time I don't suppose it will change OH and I's relationship drastically. Personally, I think the 'expense' factor of a wedding is bull poo, they can be as cheap as anything and still mean more than something over the top and outrageously expensive. It seems like a lot of people put more thought into the 'wedding', foofy dresses, rings etc than they do the 'marriage'.

I do like the idea of showing people we are a 'unit', and we do plan on getting hitched once bubs is here, as my mum will be over from Australia then. It's going to be a simple registry office job, with a knees up for our friends later (though not necessarily at the same time)

Lotus-eater

Jeff77 wrote: »

You got it right there. The things that you've mentioned become more meaningful with marriage. So I guess marriage is like salt because it adds flavor to your family life.

If you believe in it, yes, I'd agree.

Just as if you believe in god it adds flavour to your life. Just as if you are a Jehovah's Witness it adds meaning to your life.

The most interesting thing, is when you look at why you believe it and why you think those who aren't married are not doing the right thing.

Or as some will have it, on why they look down on those who aren't bothered about marriage,

euronorris

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Oh my god - ringenvy.com :eek:

I am VERY envious! I badly want to get married, but OH doesnt. It will probably be the killer of our relationship at some stage given the fact he proposed to his ex.... twice.

Like someone else said, I guess he's just not that into me

Or maybe he's just scared about being turned down (as I assume she must've done, at least once). Or, if she said yes the second time, it obviously went wrong after this and so he may be far more cautious than he was previously.

Have you discussed it with him? Asked him why he's against it? And explained how you feel about it?

I looked at ringenvy.com but wasn't that impressed. The ring doesn't bother me to be honest. So long as there is one, as a symbol, I don't care about how much it cost, how big it is, etc. I know, I'm the odd one out, I guess.

It's a shame though, as I know that my OH still feels pressure to get this big, expensive ring from his peers and work colleagues etc. Even one of his (female) friends told him that it was tradition for the ring to cost 3 times his monthly salary!!! :eek: I quickly told him no, as I would not wear something that expensive for fear of damaging or losing it! I'd rather it cost less than one month's salary.

Anyone else the same?

Lotus-eater

euronorris wrote: »

Even one of his (female) friends told him that it was tradition for the ring to cost 3 times his monthly salary!!! :eek: I quickly told him no, as I would not wear something that expensive for fear of damaging or losing it! I'd rather it cost less than one month's salary.

Anyone else the same?

Atm, three times my salary, would buy something like an onion ring and luckily my OH cares about me and not what status symbol she gets to go on her finger.
Tbh, she wouldn't want one that cost that much either, I know I don't even need to ask her that.

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Atm, three times my salary, would buy something like an onion ring and luckily my OH cares about me and not what status symbol she gets to go on her finger.
Tbh, she wouldn't want one that cost that much either, I know I don't even need to ask her that.

So glad it's not just me! Whenever I say something like that to my female friends, they look at me like I'm mad and then spend ages trying to convince me that I really do want a big, expensive ring! lol. They look at me with pity in their eyes, like my life will somehow be miserable or unfulfilled without this big rock on my finger, or that I'm deluding myself somehow! :rotfl::rotfl:

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

So glad it's not just me! Whenever I say something like that to my female friends, they look at me like I'm mad and then spend ages trying to convince me that I really do want a big, expensive ring! lol. They look at me with pity in their eyes, like my life will somehow be miserable or unfulfilled without this big rock on my finger, or that I'm deluding myself somehow! :rotfl::rotfl:

I've told OH (and anyone else who'll listen) that I'd never wear an engagement ring. If its a 'symbol' then to me its just a symbol of ownership, gender inequality and excellent marketing by diamond companies.

3 times salary is ridiculous. I'm sure it used to be 1 months and I thought that was insane as well, what if it goes down the plug?

puffinmuffin

You are not alone, OH has been told in no uncertain terms not to buy anything for more than 1k (and i consider that a lot) He can be quite extravagant and would want to spend more!Marriage (not a wedding) is very important to me, I want the emotional commitment. OH talks a lot about "when we get married" but i won't be strung along. unfortunately this comes from bitter experience as i was in a relationship for 5+ years (living together with mortgage) and kept accepting the excuses for not proposing (not ready, not sure if he wanted it etc) He got engaged to his next serious GF after a year so obviously just wasn't that "into me" A lot of my friend's relationships are ending for the same reason at the moment, we are all in our early 30s so i suppose people get to the make or break stage!

Mrs_Ryan

I have spoken to him about it - at length (and it always causes an argument!) He knows I wouldnt turn him down - in fact my friend who is a lot younger than me got married recently and I got really upset - I told him that I felt unloved and like he only wanted me to run round after him and that he could cast me aside when he had had enough (he's tried this before) he told me not to be so stupid and he claims he loves me but as my mum said if he wont prove it then does he really mean it?
I do love him and want to marry him but he wont budge...