OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

msb5262

Hello again Emmsywoo,
Very glad to know you've told your parents.
You said - I am apparently not allowed to go to pre-natal as I already have DD.
Your local NCT group may well hold "Bumps and Babies" drop-ins, where pregnant mums can get together; also your local SureStart might have some groups for parents. Where I live, the local church runs a babies and toddlers group (parents and carers stay throughout), as do several other organisations eg. primary school.
Think about checking some of these out as you could definitely do with building up your networks a bit. I was most impressed to see your post on the other thread where someone else is in a similar situation!
Best wishes
MsB

izzybusy23

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Just needed to post really
OH and I have been together for 2.5 years, we have had alot of "words" about his drinking.
Since Summer last year it's been much better, but still some glitches. He's increased his drinking over the last few weeks, and he's being sneaky, i.e. hiding drinks, waiting til I have gone to bed to drink, lying about how much he's had etc.
We found out about 6 weeks ago that I am pregnant, we were both delighted (I already have 6yr old DD)
Last few days drinking more, we were supposed to go out with my dad today, but he worked this morning and claimed he just wanted to go home to sleep.
roll on to about 6pm, DD and I get home, and he is passed out stinking of beer.
I woke him and asked how much he had...he slurs "none"
I told him to leave, that I could not trust him with DD and potential baby with his underhand drinking. He blamed me, said he drank so much in one go as I was always "banging on" about it.
We recently registered at a new doctor, and they have identified that he has issues with amount he drinks, but he reckons doc and I are both wrong.
so here I am, pregnant, 6 yr old DD, new puppy (his idea) and I became self employed 7 weeks ago, so no income.
What the hell do I do?:eek:
Thank you so much for reading this.

Jesus, what is it with the bloody men this year? Hugs hun, I feel for you, especially being pregnant. You need to check entitledto website to check out all the benefits you can claim should you and your OH don't get back together again, for the sake of you, your DD and baby.

I split from my DH 6 weeks ago, and funnily enough we had just got a puppy, a gorgeous shih-tzu that we both wanted. Roll on 3 weeks later, after he wanted to go out of mass !!!! up with work mates and not being able to cope with my daughter and the new puppy, he stayed out on works night out for 14 hours and spent £300 so I locked him out of the house and we are now heading for divorce (his choice). There is more to it though, as only that morning he wanted to leave me after I accused him of being interested in a girl at work; so it seems my gut feeling about the name in his mobile and her texting him about the night out was correct. My DH also liked a drink; or should I say 10. He always had to have a drink, regardless of the Dr already telling him over a year ago he needed to cut down as his liver was showing signs of damage. I had to get rid of our puppy in the end as the poor thing was stuck in a crate all day whilst I was at work and being in a complete emotional state I couldn't commit to the time and effort the dog needed.. so in a heartbreaking decision I had to have him rehomed. It seems like there is something in the air this year with OH's / DH's running off..

You have to think of yourself and your children; I don't know what to advise regarding your OH as I would have a negative spin on it after my own personal experience, but you totally need to make sure you and your kids come first and you have everything you need benefit wise to make sure you are looked after.

xxx

izzybusy23

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know right now I cannot keep doing this
But I cannot see how I could possibly do this alone. I just cant.

You will!!!! There is an awful lot of help out there, I didn't realise until I went on entitledto website. It is gut wrenchingly a terrible position to be in; but you get better, you start to feel human again, the good days start to take over the bad eventually. There will be days you don't want to get out of bed or you feel you can't carry on, but you do because you have to for your daughter... you just take each day at a time. I'm not 100% there yet myself, but I am feeling so much better than I did 6 weeks ago. I know my next knock will be when ex doesn't give me any money for rent for this month which is has already threatened; so I will have a few more gut wrenching days whilst trying to sort that out.. but I know in the long run I am sooo better off without him.

xxx

pigpen

If the council tax was just in his name.. it is his debt.. Make sure the new bill is just in your name and has the 25% single person discount.

You have a safe new home suitable for you and your family.. your parents will not kick you out so that is one less thing to worry about.

Apply online for benefits NOW.. it gets backdated but you need it coming in ASAP. This should include housing benefit whic hopefully will cut the CT further.

DD has her health and you have yours. Seriously consider whether keeping the dog is a good idea.. they are a drain on finances if nothing else and take up valuable time which is restricted now and that you don't have once the baby gets here.

You CAN do this alone.. I managed with 7 children at home when mine moved out last year.. for a start you are female that by itself means you are strong enough. you have your daughter to fight for and provide for.. but maybe a few things will have to be on a back burner for a while.

Having an alcoholic parent is very destructive for a child regardless of whether they are violent or aggressive just the fact they do it is damaging enough.

Have a look on Netmums they have a 'meetup' section for most areas.. you can find support and help there. You don'y say where you are but are there any people on here that live close by that you could contact and ask if they'd like to meet up? Taking children to he park on a weekend or going for a coffee during school hours? I'm in Hull if you are up this way, which is highly unlikely!

Lots of hugs coming your way xx

rach

emsy I don't have much in the way of advice, pigpen's above is good, but I just wanted to say you CAN do it, sounds like (to be blunt) you are better off without it. I had a short term relationship with someone with a drink problem and even in that time saw how unpredictable it was.

Lots of love and coping vibes coming your way. Be strong.

emsywoo123

rach wrote: »

emsy I don't have much in the way of advice, pigpen's above is good, but I just wanted to say you CAN do it, sounds like (to be blunt) you are better off without it. I had a short term relationship with someone with a drink problem and even in that time saw how unpredictable it was.

Lots of love and coping vibes coming your way. Be strong.

It would be easier if he drank all the time. Then I could just have negative thoughts, but of course I have fond memories too.

neneromanova

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I have decided to re-home her, as I simply could not cope with having her by myself.
No one would love her more than I do, but hopefully they will love her as much, and have much more to offer her.

Could you see if any of your family members could rehome the puppy either fulltime or until you're back on your feet again? That way your DD won't lose the dog completely and be able to see it when she visits the family member.

I really feel for you, but he sounds like a loser. You're much better off without him *hugs*

Fire_Fox

jdturk wrote: »

It matters because the OP could have been doing their nut in on what would be considered normal drinking and before dishing out the advice it is a good idea to check.

However 5-6 days and 6-10 pints whilst not absolutely shocking does sound like alcohol dependancy

Addiction is not measured on the amount you drink/ smoke/ gamble/ engage in sexual activity/ use drugs/ exercise/ overeat. IIRC that is one of six or seven criteria of which you only need to meet three to be diagnosed with a dependency. There is a heavy emphasis on the extent to which substance use affects your working or personal life and priorities.

sammyjammy

pigpen wrote: »

If the council tax was just in his name.. it is his debt.. Make sure the new bill is just in your name and has the 25% single person discount.

This should include housing benefit whic hopefully will cut the CT further.

You're wrong about the council tax, all/any adults living in the house are liable for the council tax.

The OP may have issues with claiming LHA (this is the replacement for Housing benefit) as her parents own the house she lives in and there is no current tenancy agreement, it will certainly not be striaghtforward as it could be investigated as a "contrived tenancy".

Sam

emsywoo123

neneromanova wrote: »

Could you see if any of your family members could rehome the puppy either fulltime or until you're back on your feet again? That way your DD won't lose the dog completely and be able to see it when she visits the family member.

I really feel for you, but he sounds like a loser. You're much better off without him *hugs*

No, my parents can not take a puppy on, and my sis is not animal minded!

I have suggested the idea to her, and she seemed quite receptive, as in her eyes, the dog was OH's. That is what she says now, but it'll change when it comes to the crunch.