OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

gratefulforhelp_2

Emsy, I think it would be a great thing if you could work this out with him, but please don't stake your hopes on it.

My great school friend has an alcoholic husband, he went on a bender for three days which included taking their three year old for a ride in the car when he was drunk.

I really wish she would leave him, she has another baby due soon, but she keeps on patching it up, and thats no way to live. I fear that she won't leave until someone gets hurt.

emsywoo123

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Emsy, I think it would be a great thing if you could work this out with him, but please don't stake your hopes on it.

My great school friend has an alcoholic husband, he went on a bender for three days which included taking their three year old for a ride in the car when he was drunk.

I really wish she would leave him, she has another baby due soon, but she keeps on patching it up, and thats no way to live. I fear that she won't leave until someone gets hurt.

Hi
Not staked on it, not at all, but not 100% ready to give up. 99% yes however :eek:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

emsywoo123 wrote: »

So I just give up then?

Up to you, just so long as you are aware that you could be living your entire life in doubt, only to be told 'you've got to trust me baby, if you don't trust me, all my suffering in Rehab was for nothing' [stifled sob] 'and I may as well - [sob] go back to being that worthless piece of filth again',

then when you feel guilty about suspecting him and say nothing, you find him unconscious on the sofa whilst your baby has thrown up and nearly choked and the LO has been trying to make themself a sandwich because they haven't been fed since Daddy left them to nip round the shops for 'milk'

if you can wake him

'what did you expect? I'm an alcoholic. This is what I do when you make me unhappy'

Consider whether 'giving up' is an appropriate description. It could be that a better one would be 'getting free'.

You have my best wishes, whichever you decide to do this time.

emsywoo123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Up to you, just so long as you are aware that you could be living your entire life in doubt, only to be told 'you've got to trust me baby, if you don't trust me, all my suffering in Rehab was for nothing' [stifled sob] 'and I may as well - [sob] go back to being that worthless piece of filth again',

then when you feel guilty about suspecting him and say nothing, you find him unconscious on the sofa whilst your baby has thrown up and nearly choked and the LO has been trying to make themself a sandwich because they haven't been fed since Daddy left them to nip round the shops for 'milk'

if you can wake him

'what did you expect? I'm an alcoholic. This is what I do when you make me unhappy'

Consider whether 'giving up' is an appropriate description. It could be that a better one would be 'getting free'.

You have my best wishes, whichever you decide to do this time.

I know that you are trying to help, but I can't listen to this anymore. Yeah, maybe I need to hear it. But maybe I cannot cope with it either.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

OK. I'll leave this thread and I'll repeat that I wish you the best and future happiness.

74jax

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know that you are trying to help, but I can't listen to this anymore. Yeah, maybe I need to hear it. But maybe I cannot cope with it either.

you are only reading something at the moment, and don't like it. It's being said so that you don't have to LIVE with it.

emsywoo123

74jax wrote: »

you are only reading something at the moment, and don't like it. It's being said so that you don't have to LIVE with it.

I know, and I apologise to JoJo. I was tired and overwhelmed.
This is far harder than I ever imagined it would be.
It is not that I do not want to hear it, I would not have posted if I did not, I think I was tired and emotional.

ailuro2

Think of what you would tell someone who was living with someone who was a drug addict, maybe coke as the results of that don't last long so they'd be hard to catch out without a drugs test.

would you tell them to let the OH back on condition they had gone through rehab and would submit to random no-notice drugs testing?

Would you tell them that you had seen it happen so many times that the addict wanted the best of both worlds, to be an addict but still keep his support network, ie their family and home?




Having him get sober and be there when the baby comes must be a very tempting proposition for you.

However, please, do ask others in your family (and his) what they think, they all know you both better than any of us...


I have heard the 'I will stop drinking for love' speech many times. Sadly he loved the drink more, but as another poster said, and I agree, I'd never have met my soulmate if I hadn't have had the courage to walk away...


I was not a mother when I walked away, which on one level made it easier, but on another level it would have been an even stronger reason to leave sooner, as I know from my own childhood that what is daily life for kids becomes their 'norm' and that's why they might grow up thinking that all men go and get really drunk on a weekend, and have their special juice with their tea every night.

Good Luck, I hope it becomes clearer for you in time, no one said it would be easy for you. By reading what other people have gone through, hopefully it will help you to see that most alcoholics would say whatever it takes, but please realise it doesn't stop us all hoping against hope for you that your OH is the exception to the norm.

Mad_girl

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know, and I apologise to JoJo. I was tired and overwhelmed.
This is far harder than I ever imagined it would be.
It is not that I do not want to hear it, I would not have posted if I did not, I think I was tired and emotional.

I have sent you a PM.