OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

emsywoo123

Anjiedee wrote: »

That sounds very good, the less you see of him the better to be honest, as it will just upset you.
But has he got a key? because you want that back of him asap as he will probaly keep turming up if he hears nothing from you in the next couple of weeks, especially after he has had a drink.x

Yes he has, I will ask him to leave it. TBH, so long as he has not had a skinful yet today, then I'm sure he will be quite reasonable as I'm sure he'll be remorseful.

Anjiedee

Letshope so, but it would be better if your not there, because if he is sober, he will try and worm his way back in.
Until he accepts he has a problem, i dont even see how you can be friends at the moment.:(

Lotus-eater

You are doing the right thing. I'm afraid accepting his drinking and allowing him to drink at certain times, is not the way to go about it and just reinforces him thinking he can do what he likes.

Being an alcoholic is hell, it's like the worst living dead nightmare you could imagine, but alcoholics do it from choice, no one makes them. The people being around them and it not being their fault, but still getting all the pain and disaster that alcohol brings, are the ones who really deserve the attention and help.

If he accepts he has a problem and works very very hard at it and proves he can be what you want and need, then you can think about getting back together, but I think by then you may have realised that you have moved on.

From what you have said, he is gone too far to be pulled back by you and things are only going to get worse and worse over the next 10 years or so if you let him stay.
I suspect they will still get worse for him, but at least he won't be your problem.

SingleSue

Emsywoo

When it all finally came to an end for me and hubby, I thought there was no way I could carry on and cope, especially with two children with autism but amazingly, us mums (and of course dads in the same circumstances), find a way.

I also blamed myself, thought I was over reacting to things, that I was at fault but that was because my husband was abusive..not physically but emotionally and that was how he had 'trained' me to be. Over the years and especially when I had my breakdown, he had little by little eroded all my strength and confidence to the point where I was very meek.

When I challenged him about my friend (his now wife), he said some very nasty things to me (wished I had enough tablet to do everyone a favour and kill myself, crap in bed, crap mother, the one at fault for the boys having autism etc), I think because he couldn't deny that something was going on (when I went to challenge him, he was on the laptop talking to her via msn webcam and she was not err wearing very much and doing some errr..... things to herself). For weeks, the comments he made kept going through my head and made me feel such an absolute failure.

He also put us in the sights of social services - middle son was not in full time school after being excluded and was receiving private tuition at a family centre, son was having an aggressive outburst and had already whacked me around the head almost knocking me out, so we called his father (we had already seperated by this point). Ex hubby arrived and proceeded to grab middle son around the throat, shouted and pushed me and then shouted at the social workers.....immediately they said they were referring us to the domestic abuse team but ex hubby just could not see that he had a problem, it was everyone else who did. A whole year of appointments followed even though ex had already moved 400 miles away.

After all that though, I still love him, I can still think of him fondly and I still can't move onto a new relationship, to be with someone from the age of nigh on 17 to the age of nigh on 36 is a very long time with a lot of memories...but I could never and would never, have him back home here again.

The relief to us as a family when he left was amazing, the children felt they could talk to me about any problems they had at school around the dinner table - before they would have had flying plates whizzing past their ears. My youngest could make his masterpieces in the front room without fear of his father just picking the lot up and throwing it out because it hadn't been cleared away by 5.30. I could teach them languages without fear of being derided for doing so, we all didn't feel like we were walking on eggshells all the time, waiting for the explosion to happen at one wrong word or noise.

There is no denying it has been hard, I had no (and still don't have) circle of friends I could speak to for support or have a night out with, I had to give up my wonderful job as there was no childcare available for evening work, I had to give up the lifestyle that came with two well paid salaries plus bonuses and the mental adjustment from being part of a married couple to being a single parent on benefits is still one I am making...it just doesn't sit well with me (I think that is why I get tetchy over the benefit threads), but the improvement in our family life, in the childrens education, in their well being has been absolutely amazing.

You can do it and you will do it..it is not an easy road but you will get there.

emsywoo123

Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone so far.
A have a hosp appt on Thur with consultant for the pregnancy, do not know if I should expect/want ex there? Should I tell him not to come? Not mention it?
I have no idea what to do.

neneromanova

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone so far.
A have a hosp appt on Thur with consultant for the pregnancy, do not know if I should expect/want ex there? Should I tell him not to come? Not mention it?
I have no idea what to do.

I just wouldn't mention it. If he finds out about it just say you had to do it alone as you didn't need any stress.

emsywoo123

neneromanova wrote: »

I just wouldn't mention it. If he finds out about it just say you had to do it alone as you didn't need any stress.

He already knows, got the letter a couple of weeks ago.

neneromanova

emsywoo123 wrote: »

He already knows, got the letter a couple of weeks ago.

Has he mentioned anything to you about it?

emsywoo123

neneromanova wrote: »

Has he mentioned anything to you about it?

no, so I suppose he might have forgotten. :cool:

neneromanova

emsywoo123 wrote: »

no, so I suppose he might have forgotten. :cool:

there you go then Problem solved. If he does ask, just say it's a "standard" checkup for blood and size of baby and he doesn't need to be there as it'll be done in 5 mins. Just blag him off really