OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

BeenieCat

emsy don't worry about stuff like that, i decorated 2 bedrooms and nobody helped me move the wardrobes and stuff - obviously wouldn't recommend it but i was nesting big time so it had to be done If you really need to move heavy stuff then ask your parents to help, they might have friends who want to help - people generally come out of nowhere at times like that.
You should be okay driving, i have short legs so my seat is close to the wheel but i never had any problems in a small old Saxo. (even when overdue and bump/baby was average size 7lb3)

But anyway- don't worry about stuff like this, it all comes together in the end.

I can honestly say that if my ex was here now i'd be MORE stressed. When my baby had colic for a few weeks and i was stressing out, at least i was doing things MY way and i feel good knowing i got through it on my own - like you will too.

emsywoo123

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

First of all you haven't let anyone down you have been trying to manage an increasingly difficult situation and it's possibly the early pregnancy hormones giving you the push to identify that you aren't prepared to live like this any more.

I think you need to think carefully about what you want and under what conditions you are prepared to take him back (if any) - do you need him to commit to entering a programme, to giving up entirely, cutting down etc. Think about this before anything else - you need to know what you want before you plan how to get it. You and your DD and the LO will survive whatever happens.

You might also find alanon helpful for support.

Lots of luck and keep posting.

I placed conditions in Aug when he came back................he could drink as much as he wanted Fri and Sat nights........no comment from me.
He went to his mums for an hour on Xmas day........steaming drunk.....I only let him get back in car as it was Xmas and DD loves him.........Told her he had food poisoning and had to go for a sleep when we got in.
then drinking picked up again......... promised when we moved, it would be a new start........which it was for about a fortnight.

emsywoo123

BeenieCat wrote: »

emsy don't worry about stuff like that, i decorated 2 bedrooms and nobody helped me move the wardrobes and stuff - obviously wouldn't recommend it but i was nesting big time so it had to be done If you really need to move heavy stuff then ask your parents to help, they might have friends who want to help - people generally come out of nowhere at times like that.
You should be okay driving, i have short legs so my seat is close to the wheel but i never had any problems in a small old Saxo. (even when overdue and bump/baby was average size 7lb3)

But anyway- don't worry about stuff like this, it all comes together in the end.

I can honestly say that if my ex was here now i'd be MORE stressed. When my baby had colic for a few weeks and i was stressing out, at least i was doing things MY way and i feel good knowing i got through it on my own - like you will too.

When do you ever sleep with a 6 yr old and a baby as a single mum?

hippychick1

I wasn't a single parent when DD was born, but my exOH never did anything, no night feeds or anything. I also had DS1 (5) and DS2 (almost 2). I managed to muddle through. Looking back, it honestly would have been easier and less stressful if I had left exOH when I was pregnant, but I was too scared. By him sitting moaning about the baby crying, and being drunk most evenings, I just felt resentful.

Will your parents not be able to help out?

BeenieCat

I've been lucky that the colic episode didn't last long and she sleeps through now, but at the beginning i'd send DS off to bed at about 9 (she was born in Xmas school hols, luckily) and then take me and baby up, and lie in bed and breastfeed her as and when she wants (much MUCH easier, albeit painful for 3 days post-birth).
My mw told me off for having her in bed but i knew the risks, and it kept me sane. Also no stinky man to risk rolling on her

It's taught my DS that he sometimes has to wait, and also how to coordinate his own outfits and get himself dressed . He'll even make his own breakfast if i ask him to give me another half hour.

If she was born in school time i'd have probably kept him off for a week or so to be honest... But i don't dress her or anything, sometimes don't get time to feed her but it did all fall into place. xx

emsywoo123

hippychick1 wrote: »

I wasn't a single parent when DD was born, but my exOH never did anything, no night feeds or anything. I also had DS1 (5) and DS2 (almost 2). I managed to muddle through. Looking back, it honestly would have been easier and less stressful if I had left exOH when I was pregnant, but I was too scared. By him sitting moaning about the baby crying, and being drunk most evenings, I just felt resentful.

Will your parents not be able to help out?

My parents are not in the best of health.........they will help as much as they can, but it will be very limited.

msb5262

Hi Emsywoo,
Just a quick hello to reassure you as far as possible...all will be well.
You don't believe it now but you have done the right thing.
EITHER he will see sense, get some help, sort himself out and you will have a future together as a family
OR he won't - in which case you will feel at least relieved that your family life isn't being wrecked day by day, by a partner and co-parent who behaves like this.
EITHER WAY you recognised that a crisis point had been reached and were brave enough to make a decision.
Your actions have been blameless.
His actions have been at fault again and again.
He clearly needs help and if he is going to wake up to what's happening, now is a good time.
Your instinct as a mum was to protect your DD and your baby-to-be, and that instinct was right on the money.
Please don't tear yourself to pieces over this - you will get through it, one way or another, and looking back at tonight you'll see that you only had one choice.
Now go and have a cup of tea and if you can, email or text or ring a friend or your parents. We're all here for you but you need some RL support too.
Best wishes
MsB

BeenieCat

What kind of dog is it that you have?

I also have a dog, and tbh i resented my ex so much for making us get the dog because she was neglected with walks while baby was new. It's only really now that the weather is improving and i'm more settled with baby that i'm taking her out regular. (but it's a pain in the ars* as she pulls and is a demanding springer spaniel. I couldn't bring myself to rehome her because my DS loves her and we've lost our 2 cats recently which broke his heart.
Would you consider rehoming the dog while it's still young and your DD maybe isn't too attached yet? It's not ideal i know but it's another guilt and another responsibility when things can and will feel like they're getting on top of you. Or would your dad maybe walk the dog when you're at the later stages or pregnancy and first weeks/months with baby?

Michelin

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I placed conditions in Aug when he came back................he could drink as much as he wanted Fri and Sat nights........no comment from me.
He went to his mums for an hour on Xmas day........steaming drunk.....I only let him get back in car as it was Xmas and DD loves him.........Told her he had food poisoning and had to go for a sleep when we got in.
then drinking picked up again......... promised when we moved, it would be a new start........which it was for about a fortnight.

Emsy, have read the whole thread and just feel so sad for you and hope you can work this out the way you want it. But I just wanted to say that I'm not sure that telling him that he can drink what he likes on Fri and Sat helps this situation. You are giving him the green light to go ahead and if he is alcohol dependent, then he won't be able to stop on the other nights. Just my thoughts....

Fire_Fox

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I can almost see how I can do pregnant alone........but what about moving heavy stuff etc? Driving when I am too big for car?!?
But coping with a new born alone........................different matter.

How much driving do you need to do? Order your groceries online and get it delivered, the drivers will put it all into your kitchen if you ask. Some places presumably can be walked or bused to, get a taxi to the hospital or any other urgent errand. I don't drive and I just stock up on heavy stuff when I have the chance: I can stretch three weeks between shops as I have a freezer (milk and bread freeze fine, loads of veg and some fruit too).

No idea where DD needs to be ferried to and from, is there anyone in the street with kids of a similar age? Or anyone at nursery/ school (parents or teachers) you can help out at this stage in the pregnancy in return for favours in your last couple of weeks? People will be willing to help if you are willing to ask - do you have any male neighbours? They will move heavy stuff if heavy stuff needs moving, especially once it is obvious that you are pregnant. Female neighbours will fetch you odd bits of groceries along with their own shop if you can't get out.