OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

hippychick1

emsywoo123 wrote: »

TBH, right now I know that this is the last straw, but over time I will think "did I over react" and "is it me" as I have done this before.
The fact that I am now pregnant really really worries me...............

God, you really ARE me!!! I had a thread on here about 18 months ago. It took some harsh replies from people to make me see that my OH was an alcoholic, or alcohol dependant. I had just got used to his constant drinking, and was unable to see how bad a problem it had become. I always thought I had over reacted, because he made it out to be me nagging over nothing, always making it out to be my problem. I can clearly see now, it is all his problem.

BitterAndTwisted

YOU haven't let anyone down and you know exactly it is who has. His drink problem is not your fault. Taking him back before without a commitment to address his problem didn't help but you are not at fault. God knows, we can take lots and lots when we love someone.

Think about what you want from him, tell him and then stick to your guns. A visit to a support group for families for alcoholics might be useful for you to get all this clear in your mind. There might be away of going back but you might have to accept that either you go over all this ground again and again ad nauseam or make a change

emsywoo123

I know right now I cannot keep doing this
But I cannot see how I could possibly do this alone. I just cant.

Fire_Fox

emsywoo123 wrote: »

He will have nor accept a plan as he does not see any alcohol dependence.............
I know I am lucky, but I also feel now I have let down DD, and my parents, and this unborn child and in fact anyone who has been unlucky enough to ever meet me.

You haven't let anyone down, you haven't done anything wrong!! I have sent you hugs on the other thread before I knew about this one but ((((hugs)))) again. I am sure your parents will be more worried about you than anything, they love you just as much and just as unconditionally as you love your DD.

Try not to panic, it's a pain in the bottom but there are benefits to be applied for to get you through financially until you can decide what you and OH are going to do. The important thing is that you inform the council of your change in circumstances ASAP: they will have to raise a new bill for council tax, which will give you breathing space to make a payment. You can e-mail them through their website, which is better than phone as it leaves a paper trail.

Just keep posting here for support, reading the Benefits board for guidance (don't post if you are feeling fragile as there are a few trolls), and the Debt-free Wannabe board for advice AND support if you are struggling with any bills. :A You are not alone, you have real-life friends and family and lots of virtual ones if you want us.

NAR

Don't be stupid, he is not prepared to change. Your family needs to be safe without him. Tell your parents right away, I'm sure they suspect anyway.

jdturk

How much alcohol are we actually talking about in a week?

emsywoo123

jdturk wrote: »

How much alcohol are we actually talking about in a week?

At the moment, drinking 5-6 days a week, anything between 6-10 pints of strong cider/lager.

Fire_Fox

jdturk wrote: »

How much alcohol are we actually talking about in a week?

Why does it matter?

emsywoo123

NAR wrote: »

Don't be stupid, he is not prepared to change. Your family needs to be safe without him. Tell your parents right away, I'm sure they suspect anyway.

They knew about it last time we split over it in the summer, took a long time for my mum particularly to talk to him again.

emsywoo123

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Why does it matter?

Because I suspect s/he thinks, like my OH, that I am over-reacting?