OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

mountainofdebt

OP - just wanted to add my words of support.

As have been mentioned, either your OH will get help or he won't - the ball is now in his court.

If he does and can demonstrate that he is seeking a problem to his addication then perhaps he can rebuild your trust and yes you may have a future.

If he doesn't then at least you know what you are dealing with - and YOU WILL deal with it, even though now it seems like an uphill struggle.

What I do know is is that your OH's problem (and it is a problem) won't come as a surprise to those closest to you. I used to work with someone who we all 'suspected' had a drink problem and we all covered for that person until an event when not even the most loyalest of people could deny the problem at hand.

You WILL deal with this - I know it seems like you won't but you will - just keep telling yourself you will get thorough it and one day you'll look back and say 'I got thorough that'.

If you tell people you need help / assistance then you will be pleasantly surprised as to how many people are only too willing to help.

Money_maker

OP - hugs to you.

Not been there myself but looking at the fallout of a 'friend' and the effect her drinking had on her 3 children, you are so doing the right thing by yours. I can virtually predict what lies in the future for my 'friends' 3 kids - mostly down to her spineless husbands inability to put the needs of his children before his drunk and selfish alcoholic wife.

It'll be tough but tougher still if you back down and let it start again.

Good luck x

azxcd

Sorry but I just have to say what I know nobody else here will have the guts to tell you and it's this:

Once an alcoholic - always an alcoholic. You need to get this man out of your life, completely out of your life.

jdturk

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Why does it matter?

It matters because the OP could have been doing their nut in on what would be considered normal drinking and before dishing out the advice it is a good idea to check.

However 5-6 days and 6-10 pints whilst not absolutely shocking does sound like alcohol dependancy

mum2one

Just didn't want to run without sending big hugs, I guess your hormones are out of place as well, but you have to put yourself, ur dd and unborn baby first. You say his father is the same, his mum unhappy they maybe were the generation that just swept it under the carpet and got on with it. (no offence to anyone age-wise).

I walked out on a violent, abusive drunken oh when I was 7 1/2mths gone, I'd planned to get out after the xmas, but fell for the sob stories, gave him the benefit of the doubt, had all the excuses under the son, this may sound cruel but I was due to go to Kenya (this was back 2001 xmas), in March 2002, so figured we'd row before I went on holiday or I'd have a holiday fling and we'd finish. Unfortunately end of Jan 2002 I fell pregnant.

Instead of getting items for the baby he was buying cheap cider,he wouldn't have milk in the fridge but there was always alcohol. maybe I had rose tinted glasses, but I didn't walk out, had I of walked away at the start it would of been an alcoholic I was leaving, but I didn't I stayed a martar believing he'd change, that the baby would be the kick up the rear he needed, big mistake.....

I went through hell and back, I had support from family, but it took me 2 years before I could finally tell them the truth, I couldn't even say it, just passed them a solicitors letter that we were sending him, I was ashamed that I became a victim of abuse.

Roll on - I have a beautiful daughter who is 7, (thou going on 18), support from great friends, to an extent my friendships have changed, grown apart from some friends, but those that are close to me I value and via versa.

My parents aren't in the best of health my mum had a mini stroke last yr,but they love my daughter too bits, I'm studying with the Open Uni for a degree, now taking dd abroad on holiday,we visit friends in Devon regulary.

I use to joke 9/11 I was in Mexico, not knowing what was going on, single carefree and a fairly gd job, 12 months on, maternity leave, having hospital appointments, as the song says what a difference a year makes.

I have my ups and downs who doesn't, but I don't regret being a single mum,my ex hasn't seen his own daughter...

You need this man out of your life.

jdturk

azxcd wrote: »

Sorry but I just have to say what I know nobody else here will have the guts to tell you and it's this:

Once an alcoholic - always an alcoholic. You need to get this man out of your life, completely out of your life.

Whilst the first statement is true, many alcoholics go onto lead normal lives without the crutch of alcohol and to castigate automatically because of this is unfair

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How much help do you think he's going to be? He'll be too out of it to take you to hospital when you go into labour, if he makes it there in time, he'll sneak out halfway through 'to let your mum know what's happening' (and neck 2 Tennants in the car park), he'll probably be unconscious for the entire time you'll be at hospital. Then when you get home, you won't be able to have the baby in bed with you in case he rolls over and crushes it and you can never, ever leave the LO with him because he'll probably prop a bottle up on a cushion and crack open 4-5 when you're buying nappies. Oh, and he'll say he's just tired because you can't keep the baby quiet.

Change the locks and start your claim for benefit.

You'll manage fine.

Michelin

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

How much help do you think he's going to be? He'll be to out of it to take you to hospital when you go into labour, if he makes it there in time, he'll sneak out halfway through 'to let your mum know what's happening' (and neck 2 Tennants in the car park), he'll probably be unconscious for the entire time you'll be at hospital. Then when you get home, you won't be able to have the baby in bed with you in case he rolls over and crushes it and you can never, ever leave the LO with him because he'll probably prop a bottle up on a cushion and crack open 4-5 when you're buying nappies. Oh, and he'll say he's just tired because you can't keep the baby quiet.

Change the locks and start your claim for benefit.

You'll manage fine.

Wow, that is quite harsh. However, I'm guessing that you are talking here from experience and so hope that Emsy hears what you are saying.

minimoneysaver

Whatever you do....do not take him back! I've been there and brought the t-shirt and it ended up in tears. You can manage and better than ever, you have a little helper. At six years old, you can expect help with fetching possibly bottle feeding (if you are going down that route), playing and keeping baby occupied. You are in a good position. You may even qualify for council tax benefit, although you will have to pay the outstanding debt from before he left. Do not panic. We are all here for advice. xxx

mumof1and1ontheway

Emsy I am a single pregnant mum with a LO... seperated from the ex in Dec.. message me for a chat as I will help you as much as I can. I am now coping fine on my own, but in the beginning it all seemed impossible x