OH just left.......I'm 11 weeks pregnant....UPDATE

ajaney

Big hugs to you.

If he refuses to accept that he has a problem, then he will not stop & if you let him back, you would be posting this again in 2/6/12 months time but in a worse state.

The amount is not that important - it is interfering in your life, thats the important thing. But from what you have said, we are talking 100+ units a week, based on a conservative 2 units per pint.

Be strong, keep as calm as you can & keep posting - you will get lots of help.

emsywoo123

ajaney wrote: »

Big hugs to you.

If he refuses to accept that he has a problem, then he will not stop & if you let him back, you would be posting this again in 2/6/12 months time but in a worse state.

The amount is not that important - it is interfering in your life, thats the important thing. But from what you have said, we are talking 100+ units a week, based on a conservative 2 units per pint.

Be strong, keep as calm as you can & keep posting - you will get lots of help.

Thank you, I am swaying between freaking out and relief.

BeenieCat

Hi emsy,

I was with my ex for 3 years and he left when i was 19 weeks pregnant, and i have a 6 year old DS. So looks like you're in a similar situation - my ex has problems with drugs though, not drink, so it was that plus lying about other women etc.

Have you got much support from family and friends? This is something i have none of (except the lovely people on the pregnancy thread here on MSE), and i'm not going to lie it was so hard. I still to this day love him though but i think if i'd cut ALL contact from the start then i'd be fighting strong. I keep thinking he'll change and that this bad person 'isn't really him' but deep down i know it really is and he won't change

He ran off to his mummy and he must have told her loads of crap because i was getting nasty texts from her in the end too! He didn't buy anything for the baby or help me in anyway, but i thought he would so that made it worse IYSWIM? If you don't expect anything then it really will hurt less.

Baby girl is now 15 weeks old and he's seen her twice... once at 8 weeks and once at 12 weeks, last time he came he hit me... I reported it to the police the next day. And even then i asked myself if i was over-reacting?!

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know right now I cannot keep doing this
But I cannot see how I could possibly do this alone. I just cant.

You can. I took my DS to my scans and stuff, don't get me wrong it hurt a lot, but it was better that he was gone sooner than later, if that makes any sense?

Hopefully he'll have his lightbulb moment one day and see that he needs help, but for now just surround yourself with people who care because stewing on it doesn't help. I am really bitter, so don't end up like me

BeenieCat

If you ever want to have a mutual man-b!tching session just PM me, we can burn maternity bra's and stuff together :rotfl: :grouphug:

emsywoo123

BeenieCat wrote: »

Hi emsy,

I was with my ex for 3 years and he left when i was 19 weeks pregnant, and i have a 6 year old DS. So looks like you're in a similar situation - my ex has problems with drugs though, not drink, so it was that plus lying about other women etc.

Have you got much support from family and friends? This is something i have none of (except the lovely people on the pregnancy thread here on MSE), and i'm not going to lie it was so hard. I still to this day love him though but i think if i'd cut ALL contact from the start then i'd be fighting strong. I keep thinking he'll change and that this bad person 'isn't really him' but deep down i know it really is and he won't change

He ran off to his mummy and he must have told her loads of crap because i was getting nasty texts from her in the end too! He didn't buy anything for the baby or help me in anyway, but i thought he would so that made it worse IYSWIM? If you don't expect anything then it really will hurt less.

Baby girl is now 15 weeks old and he's seen her twice... once at 8 weeks and once at 12 weeks, last time he came he hit me... I reported it to the police the next day. And even then i asked myself if i was over-reacting?!



You can. I took my DS to my scans and stuff, don't get me wrong it hurt a lot, but it was better that he was gone sooner than later, if that makes any sense?

Hopefully he'll have his lightbulb moment one day and see that he needs help, but for now just surround yourself with people who care because stewing on it doesn't help. I am really bitter, so don't end up like me

Thank you for telling me this, it really helped.
I do not have a lot of support in RL-my parents are fantastic, but sis lives other side of country.
I set up in competition to old work, so they have been instructed to not speak to me or lose their jobs. thats ok, I understood it would happen.
It is history repeating itself-his dad is worse than he is......his mum puts up with it. She is unhappy, and has been for a long time, but is of the generation to stick with it.

ajaney

I am just coming up 24 weeks pregnant so I can appreciate with everything else going on, this was not in the game plan!

You said his dad is worse than him & his mum is unhappy - please don't be like his mum, this generation doesn't have to stick with it & it sounds like he has had plenty of opportunity

On a practical note:
- Contact your local council benefit department on Tuesday to find out what you are entitled to or if you are claiming already, for additional support.
- Let your Mum/Dad rally round you
- Are you able to keep him out of the house (i.e does he have keys). If not, can you get someone round to stay (Mum/Dad) until locks have been changed?

tabskitten

Don't freak out- think of it this way........if he is to get back in to your life he will have to properly earn that privilege.

He will have to prove that he has been drink free for a long time- so plan for the next fews years without him.

Worst case is that he cannot do it, but you will be strong enough to not need him anyway and your children will havehad a more stable upbringing without his presence.

Best case you are as above, as are your children, and he gets himself back together again and in a few years you get to review if you want him back in your life again- you are in control!!

emsywoo123

ajaney wrote: »

I am just coming up 24 weeks pregnant so I can appreciate with everything else going on, this was not in the game plan!

You said his dad is worse than him & his mum is unhappy - please don't be like his mum, this generation doesn't have to stick with it & it sounds like he has had plenty of opportunity

On a practical note:
- Contact your local council benefit department on Tuesday to find out what you are entitled to or if you are claiming already, for additional support.
- Let your Mum/Dad rally round you
- Are you able to keep him out of the house (i.e does he have keys). If not, can you get someone round to stay (Mum/Dad) until locks have been changed?

I absolutely do not want to be like his mum...........I'd rather be alone than be unhappy, this much I am sure of.
I will action those points on Tues.
I can keep him out the house while I am here.....locking doors from inside etc. I will get his keys back shortly, will try through his mum.

emsywoo123

tabskitten wrote: »

Don't freak out- think of it this way........if he is to get back in to your life he will have to properly earn that privilege.

He will have to prove that he has been drink free for a long time- so plan for the next fews years without him.

Worst case is that he cannot do it, but you will be strong enough to not need him anyway and your children will havehad a more stable upbringing without his presence.

Best case you are as above, as are your children, and he gets himself back together again and in a few years you get to review if you want him back in your life again- you are in control!!

I can almost see how I can do pregnant alone........but what about moving heavy stuff etc? Driving when I am too big for car?!?
But coping with a new born alone........................different matter.

belfastgirl23

First of all you haven't let anyone down you have been trying to manage an increasingly difficult situation and it's possibly the early pregnancy hormones giving you the push to identify that you aren't prepared to live like this any more.

I think you need to think carefully about what you want and under what conditions you are prepared to take him back (if any) - do you need him to commit to entering a programme, to giving up entirely, cutting down etc. Think about this before anything else - you need to know what you want before you plan how to get it. You and your DD and the LO will survive whatever happens.

You might also find alanon helpful for support.

Lots of luck and keep posting.