question:- I'm mortgage free. should my girlfriend pay me rent ?

PoorPennilessMe

Cleany wrote: »

yes it is.

its bad that this happened to you, and it's understandably resulted in you having trust issues.

but your or anyone elses bad experiences shouldn't cloud the picture for others who are less fortunate. it's better to love, trust, and not plan for seperation, even if it's more risky.

Actually I don't have trust issues... I am now with a woman I love and trust completely... What the experience did teach me however is that people change. And you cannot - no matter how hard you try - predict how or when they will change... Making allowances for that isn't a lack of trust - just common sense.

And asking me not to cloud the picture for others??? Really???? On a forum where peoples experiences/opinions are being asked for??? It makes me wonder if you have some of those rose-tinted specs TBH...

rockxy

You must keep in mind that by letting your girlfriend move in you will actually be profiting even if she doesn't pay rent! She will be paying half your bills, so you will be saving money!

As she is helping you to save money, then why should she pay a non-existant rent?

I would recommend coming up with a plan so that you divide the bills between you - one paying council tax, one paying water rates, etc. And then suggest that she takes on slightly more of the bills in return for staying rent free. Maybe a 60/40 split on bills, so you will be saving 60% on your bills, and she won't have to pay rent.

You could also set up a joint savings account, where you both put in a set percentage of your earnings, and then it's spent on things that benefit you both mutually. You will likewise benefit from that if she is earning more than you, and it's still reasonable for her.

A fair compromise?

If you can't come to a sensible compromise between you, then you're probably not ready to merge your life with someone. There's no shame in that, as if you want to have total control over your finances and avoid being done by anyone then it's a good position to be in. However, if you want to merge your life with someone then there has to be some compromise and merging of finances and that can only be done when you're ready (and serious enough about the relationship) to do that.

paintsplattered

Gingernut1101 wrote: »

I have been in a similar situation and empathise with the dilemma. The resolution we came to was I contributed towards half the bills but did not pay rent. I did however set up a saving fund that we used for holidays and big purchases. As I was using my 'rent savings' to make other contributions towards the house hold expenses, we agreed to have the house valued at the time of me moving in and I signed an agreement saying I had no claim on the house up to the market value at the time. Any profit over and above this amount we would share if we broke up.

I agree that in a situation like this love and commitment should come first but I have found that if you both have very different views on money then it's best to get a fair compromise on financial contributions before it's too late. You worked hard for your home and you should protect your investment to a certain extent....especially if she earns 3 times your salary. Good luck!

Nice solution Gingernut, grown-up yet not hard-nosed.
Have a feeling that the fractures in our society run deep into individuals nowadays... perhaps our money, money, money focus and our unhealthy desire for more and more stuff are the reasons why money is apparently more important to people than other people, and their relationships with them, nowadays (and, of course, why we are all in so much debt!).

Cleany

justwondering25 wrote: »

exactly , basic business sense and balancing the books apply to life

yes you can apply them quite sensibly, but it's hardly an adequate life philosophy is it?

free

Hi Just wondering,

I am disappointed in your response

Seeing as you dont believe in God

I hope you dont plan to marry in the House of God in future if you believe in marriage

Marriage comes from religion remember....

You seem to have wealth without peace of mind

Correction Man is destroying himself and the whole world not religion

Religion makes people good

Since people threw it in the dustbin things have fallen apart since

Find God.....

p1keyboy

She should pay her own way - after all if she had her own house it would cost her just the same. I cant believe that women nowdays still believe they can have their cake and eat it. If she wants equal rights with men then she has to accept equal responsibilities. BTW I think men deserve to be paid more than women ... after all its men who usually pick up the bill for taking women out to dinner and holidays & such like. I'd go one step further with your gf and charge her mileage of say 20p per mile when you take her out shopping or collect her from work/station etc ... if you werent there she'd have to take public transport or a taxi which would cost a lot more. Likewise, I think a reasonable menu of charges to levy on your gf would read as follows:-
Taking out the rubbish ..................................50p per sack
Mowing the lawn .....................................30p per sq.m
Removing spider from bath .......................£1.00 per spider
Removing moth/bug from bedroom ...........£1.50 (between 8am-9pm)
" " " " .....£5.00 (after 9pm & before 8am)
Chatting incessantly through MOTD ..........£1.00 per minute
Moving your personal belonging ................£5.00 per item
Replacing CD's in wrong case ...................£2.00 per item
Inviting her mother to stay ..................£50.00 per day or part thereof
Leaving the car with petrol light low on .....£25.00 (no excuses!)
Filling fridge with chicken instead of beef ........ £15.00
Moaning when you stay up late for TV/PS3/Xbox ........£30.00

I can post the full list if you wish

epm-84

Cleany wrote: »

you say that as if she has caused some kind of misbalance that must be corrected by giving some of that money to her boyfriend?

if she moves in rent free she is gaining in the same way that her boyfriend is gaining. they are both then gaining in the same way from the fact that the boyfriend owns the house. if he doesnt want her to participate fully in the fortunes and work that has made up his life up until now, then that's not an equal relationship.

So you're suggesting if she's a gold digger then it's an equal relationship? :eek: The proposal made by the boyfriend was that they move in together and she pays a below commerical rate which she gains from by paying less than she pays currently so how is she not gaining from that. I would never expect anything for free unless someone had told me it would be free.

xxSaffronxx

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

Actually I don't have trust issues... I am now with a woman I love and trust completely... What the experience did teach me however is that people change. And you cannot - no matter how hard you try - predict how or when they will change... Making allowances for that isn't a lack of trust - just common sense.

So true - money can change people when things go sour

Cleany

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

Actually I don't have trust issues... I am now with a woman I love and trust completely... What the experience did teach me however is that people change. And you cannot - no matter how hard you try - predict how or when they will change...

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

Making allowances for that isn't a lack of trust - just common sense.

you can believe that if you want.

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

And asking me not to cloud the picture for others??? Really???? On a forum where peoples experiences/opinions are being asked for??? It makes me wonder if you have some of those rose-tinted specs TBH...

sorry dont misunderstand me you are free to say what you like of course :-)

but i am following that up by saying that another person who is fortunate enough not to have had a bad experience such as you shouldnt necessarily take the same precautions, and if they did it may well not be good for them.

cycling_widow

I think you missed a 0 off for the mother-in-law's visit, on second thoughts maybe two:rotfl: