question:- I'm mortgage free. should my girlfriend pay me rent ?

justwondering25

Choc-addict wrote: »

Just thought i'd pop in with my thoughts....can understand that you feel you have worked hard to clear the mortgage etc (I assume prior to being with GF) however, that was your choice, not hers.

Not sure if anyone has posted this already but perhaps rent your home and keep it as 'yours' and get a joint mortgage on a house 'together'?

It strikes me kind of odd that you would want to charge her rent if you have no mortgage?? 50/50 on all other things i.e bills, shopping etc but not charging her rent!

If it was me i'd walk, i'd want to be treated as a GF.....not a tenant!

Good luck in solving the dilemma, hope it works out x

we've come to a agreement , i've updated my first post on page 1 , but each couple to there own , the person a couple of posts up instead of charging rent , has opted for her other half to pay for all meals out and all hoildays , would you walk if your other half asked you to pay for those ?

rent = money
meal out and hoildays = money.

PoorPennilessMe

Cleany wrote: »

Life isn't a business, in any sense

You don't think so?

Money comes in, money goes out, and hopefully one is more than the other?

Sounds a hell of a lot like a business to me...

Cleany

Gingernut1101 wrote: »

You worked hard for your home and you should protect your investment to a certain extent....especially if she earns 3 times your salary. Good luck!

why "especially if she earns 3 times your salary"?

the only possible explaination that i can think of is that it would be unfair that she be given a "free ride" by not paying rent, by a partner that has less money.

justwondering25

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

You don't think so?

Money comes in, money goes out, and hopefully one is more than the other?

Sounds a hell of a lot like a business to me...

exactly , basic business sense and balancing the books apply to life

Cuidadosa

Glad to hear you reached an agreement!

Just to add my vision of things, since there are so many people mentioning that if they were your girlfriend they would run away... I think this is very unfair.
I personally would not feel comfortable moving into my boyfriend's place for free. I would effectively be saving myself a rent and living costs somewhere else so I would be happy to keep on putting money towards accommodation and living costs. Probably not at market price, but something more than the 50/50 split of the bills (or whatever percentage agreement is reached: I guess it makes sense doing something proportional to earnings, but that is very much up to the couple).
What to do with that money is the tricky bit. I very much like the idea of it going to a fund for repairs and house improvements, or to a savings account for whenever we need to take the next step into the property ladder...

I wouldn't go for a "free ride" because I wouldn't feel "at home". I like fairness to be a building block of my relationships and if someone takes me out for dinner, some other day I will take him out for dinner. Maybe it's the feminist in me that speaks...

Since you also have been told off for mentioning your travel expenses, I also want to mention what my boyfriend and I do for travelling costs, since we live 3-4 hours away. We take turns and once a month he comes along and once a month I go over there. He drives and I take the train (no car). If for any reason he has to come twice in the month, I will pay his petrol expenses for that trip that I did not pay. No, I would no expect him to have to pay all the costs of us being together if I wasn't able to go to his house. He has to be up north and I want to be down south, where my job is. It's an unfortunate situation for BOTH of us and we are both equally responsible.

It is comments such as your last line that make the whole thing sound way too frivolous, Justwondering...

justwondering25 wrote: »

Sorry for not logging in for a while ,Ive read through all the comments , ideas and sugguestions and ive put thought into the ideas offered and picked out the best bits for the solution, thank you all , i'm glad to let you all know that me and my girlfriend have pretty much come to a happy and what appears to the two of us to be a amicable agreement in principle.
[...]
In conclusion i cant help but feel ,Life is a buisness , Money is the building bricks , Love is the mortar. IMHO

free

Hi Just wondering,

Please permit me to give my opinion

Like a lot of people have mentioned

It would be wise not to co habit with anyone

Your initial dilema comes across as if you are more concerned with material wealth then your relationship

A girlfriend, lover and sex partner is very easy to find but a good wife or husband can take a life time to find. All the money in the world cant buy a good wife or husband but it can get you a good lover, sex slave, girlfriend etc

No condition is permanent

You might have it all today and wake up tomorrow with nothing and still expect your girlfriend to be with you

Only God knows the heart of human beings

Find God...

PoorPennilessMe

justwondering25 wrote: »

we've come to a agreement , i've updated my first post on page 1

Having read your update, tat sounds like a good plan...

The only thing I will say is to get that Declaration of Trust drawn up! I know she says (and undoubtably is sincere) that she wouldn't want to take anything in the event of a split, but there is no way to predict how people feel when they are in a n emotionally hurt state.

If she does genuinely feel that way, then she will have no problem signing it, will she?

Wish I'd got one... It nigh on ruined my life not doing!

justwondering25

free wrote: »

Hi Just wondering,

Please permit me to give my opinion

Like a lot of people have mentioned

It would be wise not to co habit with anyone

Your initial dilema comes across as if you are more concerned with material wealth then your relationship

A girlfriend, lover and sex partner is very easy to find but a good wife or husband can take a life time to find. All the money in the world cant buy a good wife or husband but it can get you a good lover, sex slave, girlfriend etc

No condition is permanent

You might have it all today and wake up tomorrow with nothing and still expect your girlfriend to be with you

Only God knows the heart of human beings

Find God...

Find god ? goodness please dont , as far as i'm concerned Religion is nothing but the first man made weapon of mass destruction.

Cleany

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

I don't think it's a lack of trust/love to plan what will happen if a split occurs - I learned that one the extremely hard way!!!

yes it is.

its bad that this happened to you, and it's understandably resulted in you having trust issues.

but your or anyone elses bad experiences shouldn't cloud the picture for others who are less fortunate. it's better to love, trust, and not plan for seperation, even if it's more risky.

justwondering25 wrote: »

hmmm , its a shame business sense is not taught early on in school , more people could apply that to life / living and the costs of life in general.....how would you live without any money of any kind ? regardlessly money is involved , be it given or earned , perphaps thats why some people have unmanageable dedts .

i agree that people should manage their money better, but they should manage a lot of things better, not just money.

money is one aspect of life among many and it's only as important as you want it to be.

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

You don't think so?

Money comes in, money goes out, and hopefully one is more than the other?

Sounds a hell of a lot like a business to me...

its a shamefully inadequate analogy

sid351

I understand you worked hard to be mortgage free, and I also know I'm coming into this rather late, but my opinions on the matter are:

I don't really think it's fair to charge her rent when you're no longer paying anything out, I think that's kind of greedy if I'm being honest.

That said, had you discussed it BEFORE she moved in, then it would've been her choice and a little bit fairer, I think it's a bit shady discussing it after the fact. However, this still doesn't change my opinion above.

I completely agree that you should split the housework and bills evenly, ie Take the total outgoings the house requires and divide it by the number of permenant residents in the house.



There was someone else that posted earlier (sorry I can't find it now to quote) that said something about "my" money becoming "our" money, and I'd like to say that I completely disagree with that, especially given the situation.

If both people are working, then they both have thier own money. If something affects them both financially (ie heating bill), then they should share the cost evenly, however if it is something only one of them is affected by (ie car trouble) then it's down to them to fix.

That said, if one of them wasn't working and this is planned (ie taking care of the kids) then the situation is different, yes, but things should still be treated equally and fairly, and I would hope there would have been some discussions about it prior to the fact.

Even if both parties are unable to pay 50% of the outgoings each, it would be nice to think that they could agree to both pay a given % (ie 75%) of their own respective incomes to the communal outgoings.