Tough Love.....

newcook

I went straight from school to working and never regretted that decision until recently – I would love to be a teacher but I don’t have a degree, cant afford to go to night school, and never in a million years could I afford to give up work and go back to full time education.

I would encourage him to get a part time job (that is also closer to home and he can get the bus/train everyday) and continue with his education.

Molly41

Newcook - That is my position and one that I have tried to explain to my son.

Jamespir - I dont have to explain the financial situation. In fact my son is much worse off working as he has to pay his travel costs approx 400 a month and his board of 200 a month. In fact once he pays me back this months travel he will have NOTHING left from his wages so it continues to be MY PROBLEM as I have to effectively pay for next months travel and so on....so yes I am perturbed and worried.

Savvy_Sue

Molly41 wrote: »

I absolutely reject that criticism. I did not force my son to go to college - it was his choice. I have supported him unconditionally and just feel that he will narrow his options. I happen to think education is the way forward, particularly for him with his problems. What a horrid judgemental person you are. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Sometimes it's best to ignore people who just don't 'get it'. Of course it's a problem if the money coming into the house suddenly and unexpectedly goes down, with no obvious way of reducing the outgoings.

Gingham_Ribbon

Hi

It sounds like you're trying really hard to help him stand on his own 2 feet and that's exactly what I hope to do as my sons grow up.

That said, as you know, it can be very difficult for people with ADD to organise themselves and plan effectively, especially involving getting somewhere on time and with the added stress of a totally new environment to deal with.

In your shoes, I think I would carry on as you are, but I'd help him plan his journeys and even go with him the first couple of times if you are able.

I think support is the key. Thinking of it as helping him learn how to do it for himself.

jamespir

could you not let him off some of the money for his first wage but encourage him to put money in a savings account by then it would work out better for you as he would have money saved to cover his travel for a month or two and then he wont looks so bad when he gives you the money he owes plus his board etc and you wont have to keep lending him money all the time

carolan78

He will not have any money to save though. If he pays the cash out for the next months travel and his board (which he should pay). Then he isn't left with much even if OP doesn't take back the cash she has lent him this month (what teen would not spend what little they do have from their first pay packet even if Mum tells them to save?)

The cash isn't the OP's real issue you are just clinging onto it like a pitbull. Her sons future is her issue. From the sounds of it he is on minimum wage or maybe sightly above, and without an education and his ADD this doesn't put him in good stead for raising his earning capacity in the future. I think the OP is right for trying to guide him back down the education route and even if she wasn't she is clearly a concerned parent that loves her child. So give the woman a break and either offer constructive advice and support or don't post in this thread.

shazrobo

hi OP, i have two sons with adhd, as well as having it myself, so i can understand your sons problems.
could you not have sat down with him, and found out the bus routes and times for him.
one of my sons has to catch 3 buses to his work experiance, and the education authority, gave him an independant travel trainer.
she worked out his route and bus numbers for him, and met him at the stop nearest our house and did the journey with him several times til he was confident of doing it on his own. he has a laminated card with bus times, what stand in the bus station, bus number on etc, so he has it as a reminder.
really proud of him, and i'm going to do the same with other son

Molly41

Hi,
Thanks for your support and posts.
Shazrobo - I have sat down with him and we have worked out all the bus times and train times. He has it on a spread sheet. Despite not being able to get home most nights as the last bus leaves before he finishes, he still insists it is do-able and dont get me started on the financial implications which I have explained till Im blue in the face. I think he has to learn the hard way and maybe have to walk home?

oystercatcher

Molly41 wrote: »

Hi,
Thanks for your support and posts.
. I think he has to learn the hard way and maybe have to walk home?

So will he be phoning Mum for a lift?
If you give in at least make sure he has a long wait before you get there so he learns......
(I'm a tough Mummy!)

Just how far are we talking about?

jellyhead

I was going to ask how far too?