Inappropriate behaviour from a child in dd's class. How would you feel?

jamespir

thatgirlsam wrote: »

hmmm yes , so in that case 99% of boys are showing a symptom of sexual abuse ?

i think its a fine line here , inappropriate ' sexual ' behaviour can be a sign ..

i don't think a 5 year old flashing a willy comes into this category

im not sure tbh , i don't want this poor boy to have some sort of label for what is normal behaviour

i think half the girls in my first school must ahve been abused then cause they was always showing us there knickers

jamespir

thatgirlsam wrote: »

i think james really raises some good points here - i honestly do think that we are turning into a society full of man haters sometimes ..

i saw my brother at the park terrified to talk to someones small child who was speaking to him - in case the mother thought he was dodgy !

how sad is that

and james , a feminist would never do any of those things you have listed , a feminist believes in EQUALITY for the sexes

and yes i am a feminist

things will never become totaly equall though
there will always be on faction who wants more power than the other

thatgirlsam

jamespir wrote: »

things will never become totaly equall though
there will always be on faction who wants more power than the other

i think thats more down to personality than gender though ..

some people ( male or female ) like to be in control

teabythesea

Women and men will never be equal sorry. Feminism is about having a choice. I hate the way our country pushes the blame onto men and everyone hates men. Men are no good for nothing, men don't bother with their children etc etc. It's very very sad.

pigpen

Erm.. unsure where this thread is going so.. in reference to the initial post..

I have 3 boys (and 5 girls) none of whom (as far as I am aware!!) have ever been abused.

DS1 .. who is almost 19.. flashed his bum at me last week.. he was forever flashing his boy bits and bottom throughout primary school.. I tried all sorts of things to get him to stop.. but the girls would squeal so and make it such hilarious fun.
DS2 is hard enough to get in the shower naked so has always been covered.
DS3 (11) was running around the garden naked as the day he was born just last summer.. and I really don't think he wil be any better this summer!
Of the irls only DD3 is anything like an exhibitionist.. if you asked her to get naked in the middle of the town centre she most likely would! She has absolutely no inhibitions when it comes to bodies regardless of gender.

They are bodies.. we all have one.. they are just different shapes and sizes and colours and some are hairy and some are not..

I am aware there is a time and a place but it is all about reaction with boys.. I'd mention it to the teacher so they were aware and leave it at that.. it isn't like he is trying to mount other 5 year olds or peeing on people.

teabythesea

Nicely put pig pen.
We do all have a body, why some people are so scared is beyond me

Bitsy_Beans

jamespir wrote: »

[/B]NO I DONT

not at all i think relationship should be about sharing but i do understand the need to spend money on ones self and i cant see much wrong with it as long as it doesent put the other person out


and i wasnt being patronising i was just pointing out that misogynist is a feminist word ( dont belive me look it up in the dictionary)

See this is where we agree. But your previous posts you seemed very dismissive of the fact that keeping financial controls on spouses is classed as abuse.........but we've been down that argument already so lets not visit that again

I am not a man hater - I really like men Likewise I don't think all the women that post on MSE are man haters but lord knows that one gets brought up a lot on here!!!


I agree with thatgirlsam - those that want control....it's got naff all to do with gender, it's personality.

gingin_2

Firstly, I think I have hijacked enough threads in my time, so don't worry.

teabythesea wrote: »

I study education and please be careful not to 'gossip' to other parents about this. And the whole sexual abuse thing, yes it can be but the term should not be thrown around at all. And at their age it should not be the first thing everyone thinks of. Like someone said, children go through the Phalic stage.
If your DD is upset, why? We were all born naked, she should not be scared of genitals or a naked boy of her age!
It's because this country tries to keep sex hush hush and sex ed. until the children are old that we have so many teen pregnancies.

Teabythesea, where in my posts have I mentioned that my dd was upset? Can you show me? I have deliberately NOT made an issue of this with my daughter for the very reasons you mention. I mentioned it once to her briefly after school yesterday and really it was to raise the issue that it was important she told the teacher rather than her friends if she felt someone had done something wrong.

I tried to point it out in my first and subsequent posts that it was my problem more than hers after being there to witness it and then coming home and stewing on my own. Thanks to most posters I calmed down a lot and feel much better and can totally admit that I overreacted.

Lastly, I would NEVER gossip to another parent. I've not mentioned it and never would.

I think you have made a lot of rash and rather patronising generalisations in your post.

Final update for anyone who is interested is that I saw the teacher take the mother aside after school and am very happy with that.

Thanks for all responses

jamespir

gingin wrote: »

Final update for anyone who is interested is that I saw the teacher take the mother aside after school and am very happy with that.

Thanks for all responses

thats good hopefully his folks will get him to cut down now

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

jamespir wrote: »

things will never become totaly equall though
there will always be on faction who wants more power than the other

Which is why i think i have found an amazing man! I am a SAHM (after many years of earning more than him - and sharing might i add) and he looks after me by buying me things he thinks i need/would like occasionally that i can no longer afford to buy myself due to lack of income. I control the money he earns as far as making sure the bills are paid and we have food in the cupboards (just or he'll forget through sheer simple forgetfullnes). The rest is his to do as he pleases, though i do encourage hime to save a bit each month which he does now. He is always thoughtful enough to ask us what we fancy doing as a family, is there anything i/DD needs this month and so on, and he'll continuously tell me if i need any money just do the bank transfer as and when needed - i also encourage him to buy himself something occaionally to treat himself once in a while, whether it's a new small gadget he has been eyeing up for a while or a new pair of jeans.

It's about respect, i think the control with whatever the item is beit money is lack of respect and can happen from either side. I know quite a few female friends who don't work yet spend an awful lot of their partners money on going out or clothes and completely unnessecary items and just expect it to always be that way. That is equally as bad as a man completely withholding money IMO. I'd never dream of taking my hubbies money and spending it willy nilly, i only spend what is needed for family or i'll ask him is it ok if i buy such and such for myself - as we have this respect for each other he'd hardly refuse and if he did it'd be for good reason.

I think i get what you are trying to say Jamespir and on most levels i agree with you just think it might have come out a bit wrong!

Similar thing i witnessed was a friend and her boyf having a row at my flat some years back and she started hitting him, he pushed her, she fell back stumbled over some baby toys and ran out crying. The next day she cried domestic abuse at work that he'd forcefully pushed her, funnily enough she forgot to add that she'd hit him a good 10 times before he reacted...needless to say i had to remind her that i saw everything and that was hardly domestic abuse and they were both in the wrong. Now if they had been arguing and he just snapped and hit her, yes, she'd have every right to be annoyed!

Sorry to hijack there guys, just thought that one needed defusing a little...i hope that helped! x

And ThatGirlSam - i think you have dealt with it well so far - as long as there is no controlling behaviour coming from the little boy, like forcing his willy on girls, or being abusive or aggressive then yep it's just little boy behaviour. A word with the teacher, and one with your daughter just to say something like ''he's being a silly boy and not to worry about it, he just thinks his willy is funny'' and reasure you she can tell you in future if he does it again, that should really be all thats needed.

Good luck!