Inappropriate behaviour from a child in dd's class. How would you feel?

Bitsy_Beans

jamespir wrote: »

yes but by safeguarding there taking everything away that it means to be a child just in case it may offend or cause risk to a child

Eh?? How is safeguarding children stopping a child to be a child? I am not talking about Health and Safety and taking risks etc.

Pixiechic

Boys will be boys! He is only 5 years old and doesn't have the same association with his willy as an adult male would. It isn't appropriate behaviour all the time and he will learn like children do. Obviously he should be told to put it away but I don't believe that he has any damaging intention toward anyone. Girls do it too, they did when I was at primary school. I think parents have to be alert but not so alert that children are forced to be mini adults.
I think that it is a huge shame that men now feel so aware of themselves around children in case they are accused of being a peadophile. I do feel for the many good men in the world now who feel that they can't even kiss there own child in public. I was in a public loo once at a department store and a lady at the sink was talking about a 'dodgy man' 'lurking' outside. He was just out there waiting for his young daughter to come out! Poor guy.

miss_independent

gingin wrote: »

I kind of tried to bow out of the thread because, like many, when it gets huge, things get taken out if context and assumptions get made and it kind of becomes fruitless - that's not to say that I am not very grateful for the advice given to me, particularly yesterday, when I was most worked up.

To clear up a few things - Yes it was definitely my issue rather than my daughter's but I know that it has also bugged other parents ( I will not mention my incident, nor will I participate in any playground gossip). This sort of behaviour has also continued today with the same child. I don't really want to continue to discuss/ pull him apart on here because a) I don't know him or the events well enough and b) I am confident the teachers will deal with this. I was more looking for advice on how I personally deal with it. Since my initial posts I am happy with the way the teacher has dealt with it and left it there.

Another question is, for all who say this is acceptable, when do you say it does become unacceptable (genuine curious question)? I am certainly uncomfortable about it, I would really rather it didn't happen. It's definitely not done in a jovial way, it's done for a reaction. He's been warned enough times before about it. It's the same as hitting and name calling - it's not acceptable as adults, so when do you say with a child that enough is enough?

I am not sure if this child is 5 or 6, either way at this age it is fairly normal but by the time he is 7 or 8, he should have grown out of it. But TBH, it should be dealt with now. The behaviour is inappropriate, therefore unacceptable and, as you say, any other unacceptable behaviour such as hitting would be dealt with. How is his behaviour generally? Is this the only way he "acts out" or does he do other things to provoke a reaction?

At two or three a child should begin to learn that lying on the supermarket floor and kicking and screaming is not the way to get attention. At six, I would expect a child to learn that using his penis to garner attention is also unacceptable. TBH, if it was my child (speaking from my professional background), I would start teaching them as soon as they started doing it but as I have said before, in the correct manner, not in a way to shame them or scare them. Also when you say he has been "warned", often a warning is just an empty threat to a child, something that is not carried through with so not an effective way of dealing with a behaviour. Its actually best to give as little attention as possible "X, please put that away. We don't do that at school." then ignore him, if he continues remove him from the area put him in a separate area/corner of the classroom away from the other children in a "Time Out" for ten minutes or so, at the end explain to him why he was there, why this behaviour was unacceptable, then if the behaviour still continues remove a privilege, such as staying in at playtime. Sounds stupidly easy, but unless the child has a special educational need he should respond with a bit of persistence. This should also be backed up at home (a week without doing it, you get a special treat, a month, a bigger treat - this is known as a token economy and it definitely works). The key is not to give it too much attention, not act shocked or as if it is funny, just act unimpressed and make it clear, that kind of behaviour will not not be rewarded with attention. But of course you are not the teacher, but a concerned parent. All you can do is what you have, alert the teacher.

Savvy_Sue

jamespir wrote: »

an adult would do it for him

I have visions of this poor child sewn into his trousers, with a teacher having to unstitch him and sew him back up again every time he needs to pee!

Honestly, I can't think of a way of making his trousers 'secure' - at that age, he'll manage a belt or buttons or zips perfectly well.

maybe there's a need for whole class discussion about how we can ignore silly behaviour rather than squealing and drawing attention to it?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

jamespir wrote: »

thats only because of the propaganda that were fed every single day in the papers and on tv


it shows you how parnoid people have got i took my lad(about 1 year ago) to a resteraunt and he needed his nappy changing so i went to get the key to the baby changing room and was told i couldnt have it because i was a man and i could be a peadophile

its disgusting to be honest

I am assuming, therefore, as a macho man, in the face of such prejudice you didn't slink away and get the OH to collect the key? Surely you proceeded to lay the LO on the nearest available table and unleashed the stinking parcel about his nether regions in full view of the staff, 'just so you can see I'm not getting off on wiping crud off his ***s'

I would applaud you if you did..

Gingham_Ribbon

jamespir wrote: »

it is true you look at any relationship the man does whatever his wife says mostly


if somone wants to call it a pc term let them i dont care

That's a totally messed up world view there you've got, james.