ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

Any

confusedroast wrote: »

All he ever says is - you have my card so your spending all my money....???!!

We tried to get a joint bank account but because of his bad credit rating it wouldnt let us have one
We both have accounts with Natwest - If we added up the money together then I took out the mortgage, bills food and then whatever is left I half it and he can then have his card and I can have mine....

Maybe it doesn't need to be joint as such, just one separate account just for the bills...

jamespir

confusedroast wrote: »

I think that this is another post about to go bad

Listen I was posting to vent and to get suggestions, ideas, support etc
Everyone has an opinion I understand BUT its just an opinion, sometimes good, sometimes bad, you either take it or dont

Can I just say though that to make a statment such as - marriages dont work cos of wanting to lead seperate lifes makes me chuckle

Marriages fail for MANY reasons in this day and age, all realtionships take effort and hard work

My marriage WILL work to my husband because we both work very hard at it, it has its highs and lows, I am just fortunate I am not in a marriage that my nan has had where the wife shuts her mouth and says nothing runs around for her husband and 11 kids whilst the husband does nothing, its not her place to say anything and never has.....I am glad we have moved on somewhat since then

i dont think your sound like a nightmare you sound like a worried mum

sit down and talk to your husband

Dont shout or raise your voice
Dont act like hes broken the law

all you ahve to do is be nice and come to some kind of compromise so that you can both benefit from the money

also you need to get out once in a while so arrange dates where he can go out and where you can go out

euronorris

blue-bells wrote: »

Not sure if I'm right but was told that if I had a joint account with my DH (who has a bad credit history) it could affect my credit rating by having a financial link with him? Please correct if I'm wrong!

Ah, you are right! I hadn't thought about that! Cheers!

mistrihelen

The OP is obviously very frustrated, which is coming across in the messages, and I wonder if this is why some people seem a bit harsher than I've seen on other threads.

It seems to me that the husband hasn't realised that 'his' income is now the family income, and needs to be treated as such. However it's also clear that straightforward nagging isn't really working. Perhaps seeing the bald figures like on an SOA would help - you could ask him to help you put it together. Or say to him that you want his input and how would he go about sorting it out?

Was there no conversation before the baby working out how finances would go once a full income was dropped? I'm due in June and not exactly super-brilliant at saving at all, but I've already added up (with husband's help) what we can and can't afford once we're down to just one wage for a few months. I'm trying to get the message across that husband can't now just buy random video game figures whenever he likes .

euronorris

Oh, and if he's going to throw a tantrum and 'run off' to his mates for the weekend, then just let him. Don't try to call him anymore etc, just leave it.

Get your friends/family round to keep you busy and to make you smile. Also use the time to look at the budget, calm down and gather your thoughts and ideas for a way forward.

That way, he's had time to calm down and think, and so have you. He'll also probably be expecting you to chase after him and it'll put his nose out of a joint a bit if you don't. Hopefully, that should make him think twice about doing it again. AND, if he tries to throw the 'you don't care anyway, you didn't call etc etc' card at you, you can say, calmly 'Well darling, you made it perfectly clear that you wanted some space and time to yourself and I was simply respecting your wishes. So, I'm confused, did you actually WANT me to chase after you?'.

floss2

jamespir wrote: »

your not married are you

What has that got to do with it? but no, not any more, and not yet.

I was married for 15 years until 1999, and will be married again in September this year.

jamespir

mistrihelen wrote: »

I'm trying to get the message across that husband can't now just buy random video game figures whenever he likes .

yes i know the feeling (except not the figures) i got a telling of because i brought a 99p pc game the other day but shed forgotten that she had two skirts two cd's and a dvd the day before

jamespir

floss2 wrote: »

What has that got to do with it? but no, not any more, and not yet.

I was married for 15 years until 1999, and will be married again in September this year.

all i was saying is that one of the vows is something like everything i own i share with you and that marriage is about trust and commitment


but people seem to get married just for the fun of it these days

swampduck

I'm not sure if I was worried about money that I would paying out for a loft conversion. Particularly if the said savings are supporting the family by contributing to bills whenever the OPs' partner overspends.
What if he continues to overspend and the savings have all gone on the loft conversion - where is the bail out money going to come from? The OP will end up saying well we had a loft conversion if you need a bit of cash you had better sell a roof tile or two!! Which sounds ridiculous?
As other posters have said they need to sit down and talk - the sooner the better. Added to which he needs to grow up!! He's a father now with all the responsibility that entails.

Swampy

confusedroast

swampduck wrote: »

I'm not sure if I was worried about money that I would paying out for a loft conversion. Particularly if the said savings are supporting the family by contributing to bills whenever the OPs' partner overspends.
What if he continues to overspend and the savings have all gone on the loft conversion - where is the bail out money going to come from? The OP will end up saying well we had a loft conversion if you need a bit of cash you had better sell a roof tile or two!! Which sounds ridiculous?
As other posters have said they need to sit down and talk - the sooner the better. Added to which he needs to grow up!! He's a father now with all the responsibility that entails.

Swampy

AHEM to that - this is EXACTLY my point - there will be no dipping into MY account to hlep him out
No more money to help him out when HE overspends - this has been going on for 5 years now, I think its about time I put my foot down