ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

angelicmary85

Hiya,

I completely agree with you taking his card away...I've never done it to my OH but my friend had to do it to her OH.

I have to say that I was a bit taken back when I read your OH saying that he'd only been out 3 times that month, he has a family and responsiblitly so shouldn't be squandering the family income on an expensive hobby such as golf (I know how much a round can cost!) but providing both financial and emotional support to the mother of his child.

Yes he may be acting out but could you maybe say well, if you take x amount for 1 round/buggy hire/a pie and a pint afterwards and go every second Sunday then that would save x amount to go towards this or that?

It's frustrating when your OH needs a boot up the a**e to realise what is going around them!

euronorris

confusedroast wrote: »

All he ever says is - you have my card so your spending all my money....???!!

We tried to get a joint bank account but because of his bad credit rating it wouldnt let us have one
We both have accounts with Natwest - If we added up the money together then I took out the mortgage, bills food and then whatever is left I half it and he can then have his card and I can have mine....

I thought, if you apply for a basic bank account (ie, no overdraft etc), then no credit check should be required.

There should be a list of banks which offer basic bank accounts on the site somewhere. Not sure where. Probably under the banking section. Anyone else know exactly where it is?

jayII

confusedroast wrote: »

I must say rather than be supportive you are all making me feel like I am a nightmare, I think I should have posted the long winded picture rather than a short version

My husband has bad credit, he is bad with money, he accepts this, I am very good with money, I have helped him out to pay him out of his bad credit, have got him on my mortgage to improve his credit rating, I have consistnetly paid for everything and he has tried to pay me back later....However I no longer work so I cant do this anymore

I don't think you're a nightmare, but in my experience, treating adults as children just makes any silly behaviour worse.

Why can't you both sit down and agree a plan of action, with him only having access to an affordable, agreed, amount of money (and ideally no overdraft), each month.

If he accepts he is bad with money, then he should be willing to take responsibility for helping to sort things out.

floss2

confusedroast wrote: »

I must say rather than be supportive you are all making me feel like I am a nightmare, I think I should have posted the long winded picture rather than a short version

My husband has bad credit, he is bad with money, he accepts this, I am very good with money, I have helped him out to pay him out of his bad credit, have got him on my mortgage to improve his credit rating, I have consistnetly paid for everything and he has tried to pay me back later....However I no longer work so I cant do this anymore

I prefer this version!!

I would suggest you sit down with a list of all outgoings and income, and TALK to each other about how you are going to manage it together.

How old is your little one? Has your OH had much time to get used to your loss of income, or has he just not given it a thought and carried on as before?

jamespir

floss2 wrote: »

I apologise to the OP, but

!!!!!!!!!! I and my fiance have had separate lives, separate households, separate finances for several years before we met, are you suggesting that our relationship is weaker than my failed marriage just because we have separate finances?! It works for us, we each know how much the other pays towards the bills & what those bills are, we know what our individual & joint situations are, we have joint savings, separate ISAs (at the request of HMRC), separate pensions, joint plans for our future together.

your not married are you

Any

confusedroast wrote: »

All he ever says is - you have my card so your spending all my money....???!!

We tried to get a joint bank account but because of his bad credit rating it wouldnt let us have one
We both have accounts with Natwest - If we added up the money together then I took out the mortgage, bills food and then whatever is left I half it and he can then have his card and I can have mine....

I've been through all this as well and I now understand a lot of things from men perspective as well as from my own female perspective:
1/ men do not think about anything too deeply

2/ men do not like being completely controled (and neither do women)

3/ men do not like to look like numpties in front of their mates (is one thing to say couple of times "oh, I am bit skinned this month, cannot afford to get lunch in the pub because I bought a,b,c" but completely another "I am skinned because my wife gives me £20 a week and I had to take client to lunch").

4/ men need to feel like men, they judge they success by how much they earn and what freedom it gives them. They do not like to look like being taken for muggs. And the way you put it is important - one side is seen as mugg, the other is seen as good provider for the family.

What I am trying to say is - don't take this as "I will give him £300 to spend" but "he will give me £800 for household and the rest is his problem".

Sorry, not sure I am clear - do you know what I mean??

blue-bells_2

euronorris wrote: »

I thought, if you apply for a basic bank account (ie, no overdraft etc), then no credit check should be required.

There should be a list of banks which offer basic bank accounts on the site somewhere. Not sure where. Probably under the banking section. Anyone else know exactly where it is?

Not sure if I'm right but was told that if I had a joint account with my DH (who has a bad credit history) it could affect my credit rating by having a financial link with him? Please correct if I'm wrong!

confusedroast

I think that this is another post about to go bad

Listen I was posting to vent and to get suggestions, ideas, support etc
Everyone has an opinion I understand BUT its just an opinion, sometimes good, sometimes bad, you either take it or dont

Can I just say though that to make a statment such as - marriages dont work cos of wanting to lead seperate lifes makes me chuckle

Marriages fail for MANY reasons in this day and age, all realtionships take effort and hard work

My marriage WILL work to my husband because we both work very hard at it, it has its highs and lows, I am just fortunate I am not in a marriage that my nan has had where the wife shuts her mouth and says nothing runs around for her husband and 11 kids whilst the husband does nothing, its not her place to say anything and never has.....I am glad we have moved on somewhat since then

Weeyin

My DH was a nightmare with money, although has got better over the years. We have always had a joint account but he often used to agree to nights out/days away, even though we only buttons left in the bank and a week left till payday. I then had to play mummy, and all his friends thought i was a tyrant :mad:

I think the best thing to do is sort out a budget together, i did this with my DH, and although we have a joint account, we split the leftover cash equally between us into a weekly amount. We go to the bank once a week and take out our weeks money and it has made life so much easier. We are both more aware of how much we spend (i'm not perfect either!).

jamespir

Liquorice_Twirls wrote: »

Women and men are capable of being abusive - why have you said that this is about hating men? If the post had been from a man talking about his wife my reply wouldn't have been any different so why do you feel the need to pass judgement on me?

true but men arent believed when they say the women is being abusive


but why is it when ever anyone posts about problems with their husband/boyfreinds

somone always throws in the domestic abuse card