ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

confusedroast

HI All

I will try and keep this brief...so I gave up work to look after our baby and I was on a lot more than hubby, so now we are just on his wage, I still pay all the bills and food to top us up for the week he pays for mortgage and big food shop at start of the month
Trying to get him out of his overdraft and I am using my svings to pay for the loft conversion next month, went to book a holiday last month when he turns around and admits he has spent all his money AGAIN this month and has nothing, no savings or nothing he has lied to me!
I say okay thanks for being honest I will pay for the holiday and you must give me your bank card

this weekend he has decided to go out with th boys and play golf, I checked the bank account and he only has £100 left for the month, although he gets paid next week he will easily spend £60 so leaving him £40

When I mentioned this to him he went mental at me, told me that he has only been out three times this month, that I am manipulatiing and controlling, he is taking his bank card tonight and not coming home all weekend and has blocked me from his email address at work

I am soooooooooooooooo fed up with ALWAYS bailing this pain in the !!! out!!! I feel like saying, your not coming on hols with me and dd ad be gone when we get back cos what is the POINT!!!:mad::mad::mad:

wkdhoney

Aww love I know hhow you feel! I'm always paying for 'big purchases' in house as I earn marginally more but it really does boil my blood when I realise that he's racked his credit card up again (staff credit card so very low interest but even so!) and then I see him coming home with something else new that he won't use. £70 on a sleeping bag that's been sat in our spare room for a month :@

To be compeltly honest though I think what your DH is doing is pretty naughty. Not necessarily spending the money but lying to you. What did he spend the money on?! I think his reaction by saying he's not coming home is pure embarrasment.

jamespir

sounds to me like he is being very unfair to you

though it can be annoying you keep telling him how to spend the money cause it certainlty does my head in when my missus writes down a list of everything she want's to spend the money on



i dont think your being controlling though
youre just worried

what is he spending his money on

it seems hes acting like a child and youre treating him like one

youll have to try and sit down with him and explain he cant go around throwing money away when you have a child


your final sentence sating your always bailing the pain in the butt out hes your husband hes not somone who you help when you feel like it

Lotus-eater

I don't understand, are you paying out more money each month than comes in?

You need to do a SOA and sit down with him and explain what you can afford.

sooz

It sounds like the two of you need to sit down & work out a budget, & perhaps get a joint account for household spending & the rest your own bank accounts for your own spending & going out.
You obviously have considerable savings if you are paying for the loft conversion, as well as covering bills & food shopping. But how long can this last if you are not working?
What happens when your savings are all spent?

Why do you feel that he must give you his bank card?
Try to sit down & have an adult discussion about your joint finances.

confusedroast

Do you think I am being hard and unreasonable as well then?

Okay the bigger picture....he still owes me £2500 from me bailing him out when we first got together, he had a loan and then his car got towed away....three times cos he forgot to get car tax and parking fines etc, I gave him £300 for xmas to buy a new bike....he didnt get a bike and spent it and he doenst know what he spent it on

I buy clothes off ebay for me and baby and he is just spanking money up the wall.....


now see why I am angry!??!!!

confusedroast

I only have child benefit and working tax credit equals £160 a month coming in
I pay bills and I havent been out this month but buy veg, milk etc throughout the week - bills equal £250 then I spent easily another £70
This money comes out of my svings
husband gets £1800 a month, mortgage is £850, his phone is £50 then the rest is his, we do a food shop which is £70-80 at start of the month then I dont know where the rest goes!!

jamespir

confusedroast wrote: »

Do you think I am being hard and unreasonable as well then?

Okay the bigger picture....he still owes me £2500 from me bailing him out when we first got together, he had a loan and then his car got towed away....three times cos he forgot to get car tax and parking fines etc, I gave him £300 for xmas to buy a new bike....he didnt get a bike and spent it and he doenst know what he spent it on

I buy clothes off ebay for me and baby and he is just spanking money up the wall.....


now see why I am angry!??!!!

does he have a gambling habit or is he drinking lots


and wow i wish my missus would give me three hundred quid for christmass

i got her load s of presents and all i got was a headache

kaya

i cant believe that people who are married still have his n hers bank accounts and savings in this day and age !!!!!
we share all our money and savings, always have done, we dont have an individual income as we are a couple, we have household income, you must all have serious trust issues going on inside your relationships, if you dont trust each other with something as simple as finances what chance do you have for a long term relationship?

floss2

Just say to him "I am paying all the other bills while you pay for the big shop and mortgage - we cannot have holidays, home improvements etc if you do not contribute to those so I am not booking a family holiday this year".

How do you work out your bills etc? We do ours on a percentage of the household income, as my income is currently approx 30%, I pay approx 30% of those bills, and am contributing about 27% of the total of our wedding fund. We each pay our own mobile, pension, life insurance, personal loan & I pay my car insurance.

tattoed_bum

How much money is your hubby left with after he has paid for the mortgage and shopping ? If you work that out and then say to him you have so much money per week to spend then it might sink into him that he can't spend it all week 1 .

Eg if he has say £500 left to himself each month tell him that he only has that amount .


sorry it to so long for my post to go through that i didnt someone had asked this