ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

jamespir

confusedroast wrote: »

Okay so do you reckon if I just took out all that we need next month and just give him £300 and say - see how long that lasts, eg is MUST last for the month as all food, bills and mortgage are paid for and I make his lunch everyday, cook his dinner, etc.....that might work better?

it may but it may make the situation worse because your then potentially being even more controlling and even more "mummy" like

euronorris

Confused - perhaps set up a joint savings account, where you can only withdraw money if BOTH of you agree. Then, agree together how much to save each month, set up a DD and then it should be 'safe'.

JodyBPM

Basically, you need to work out what comes in each month in total, and what needs to go out each month in total including food shopping etc. Then take the difference and split it in half so that you both have an equal amount of "spends" each month. This way you know the essentials are paid for, and you each know exactly how much you have to spend on treats or yourselves each month. The mechanics of how you do it, joint accounts, sole accounts, cash etc isn't important, its the act of taking control of your finances jointly that matters.

I suspect your DH isn't really understanding the bigger picture, and just thinks you're being tight with "his" money. You need to spell it all out to him, factually not emotionally, on paper, so he understands how much he has to spend each month, and why.

jamespir

euronorris wrote: »

Confused - perhaps set up a joint savings account, where you can only withdraw money if BOTH of you agree. Then, agree together how much to save each month, set up a DD and then it should be 'safe'.

or they could sett up a joint account and have a percentage that they both agree from his salary paid into the account and missus puts whatever money she has in and then that goes to pay the bills and whatever is left could be used for his golf etc

confusedroast

All he ever says is - you have my card so your spending all my money....???!!

We tried to get a joint bank account but because of his bad credit rating it wouldnt let us have one
We both have accounts with Natwest - If we added up the money together then I took out the mortgage, bills food and then whatever is left I half it and he can then have his card and I can have mine....

Liquorice_Twirls

confusedroast wrote: »

Possible signs of financial control and abuse:

• withholding, restricting and controlling money required for the necessities of life and/or comfort and well being of the victim, dependents, and/or family
• disproportionate and irresponsible spending in relation to the offender's personal needs, wants, and interests to the detriment of the victim and/or family
• withholding information about the financial resources of the couple/family and/or household financial matters
• denying access to bank accounts and financial records
• coercion to sign financial documents

MY HUSBAND IS NONE OF THESE THINGS

So your problem was what exactly?

Cos I thought you said it was:

he turns around and admits he has spent all his money AGAIN this month and has nothing, no savings or nothing

Trying to get him out of his overdraft and I am using my svings to pay for the loft conversion

he is taking his bank card tonight

I don't see much difference between the quotes at the start of this post and the quotes I took from your original post and I'm not sure why you then shouted at me.

nearlyrich

Can we keep to the original point of trying to help the OP please, why people think having none joint finances are the work of the devil is beyond me, if it works for you great if it doesn't that's fine too, as long as every couple find a way that works for them it's cool.

confusedroast

I must say rather than be supportive you are all making me feel like I am a nightmare, I think I should have posted the long winded picture rather than a short version

My husband has bad credit, he is bad with money, he accepts this, I am very good with money, I have helped him out to pay him out of his bad credit, have got him on my mortgage to improve his credit rating, I have consistnetly paid for everything and he has tried to pay me back later....However I no longer work so I cant do this anymore

Liquorice_Twirls

jamespir wrote: »

oh god were back to the i hate men brigade

hes not being controlling or causing domestic abuse

Women and men are capable of being abusive - why have you said that this is about hating men? If the post had been from a man talking about his wife my reply wouldn't have been any different so why do you feel the need to pass judgement on me?

floss2

jamespir wrote: »

marriage does not seem to be about togetherness any more it seem to be i want to get married but still want to be my own seperate person run my own seperate life and have my own seperate money and thats why marriages are failing

I apologise to the OP, but

!!!!!!!!!! I and my fiance have had separate lives, separate households, separate finances for several years before we met, are you suggesting that our relationship is weaker than my failed marriage just because we have separate finances?! It works for us, we each know how much the other pays towards the bills & what those bills are, we know what our individual & joint situations are, we have joint savings, separate ISAs (at the request of HMRC), separate pensions, joint plans for our future together.