ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

confusedroast

oh kaya thats just lovely that is
If you think old school methods work then you must have heard of

If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all

I am TRYING to organise our fanances now - hence am showing him that as of now we HAVE to do combined finances eg he has to pay mortgage and bills, this is VERY difficult for both of us and I was used to bringin home £4-5k a month and now I cant buy anythign or go out BUT I am experiencing all of dd growing up, he is still living like its just him,, hence me taking over the cards

He is now not picking up his work phone or mobile so no doubt he will not talk to me for 3 days

sooz

kaya wrote: »

i cant believe that people who are married still have his n hers bank accounts and savings in this day and age !!!!!

We have both. Sometimes it is nice to be able to spend without your partner knowing exactly how much you spent on their birthday present, or on the new jeans

euronorris

Confused - I don't think you are being unreasonable as such, but, your husband is a grown man, so taking his card away (for example) will most likely make him feel like a child. Which, in turn, probably leads to a bit of rebellion from him - going out, buying junk etc.

Perhaps it would be better for you to agree on what needs to be paid/ saved up for etc, work out a budget together and agree to stick to it together.

I understand why you're angry though, I do.

confusedroast

After mortgage taken out and big food shop he has £800 to play with...........
IF he paid for the bills as well he would have £500 to play with which is MORE than enough seeing as though he rides to work to no london tube which was £200 a month

confusedroast

dont get me wrong if he has meetings up then I give him his card, we have only been doing it this month so I can where the money is going, eg I have been writing down every single item we both spend, even on a £2 local shop on bread and milk! Every single thing is written down, so far I saw last month on his bank statement that he would take out £50 then two days later £20 then another £20 a few days later, when I asked where it went he cant remember hence why I have the card and write everything down

jamespir

confusedroast wrote: »

oh kaya thats just lovely that is
If you think old school methods work then you must have heard of

If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all

I am TRYING to organise our fanances now - hence am showing him that as of now we HAVE to do combined finances eg he has to pay mortgage and bills, this is VERY difficult for both of us and I was used to bringin home £4-5k a month and now I cant buy anythign or go out BUT I am experiencing all of dd growing up, he is still living like its just him,, hence me taking over the cards

He is now not picking up his work phone or mobile so no doubt he will not talk to me for 3 days

your nagging him thats the worse thing you can do leave it for the three days after his golf trip and he should come back cap in hand ready to apologise but if you keep ringing him hes going to get more and more annoyed and he probably wont come home

i know its hard for you and its very difficult going from two incomes to one

you need to treat him as an equal where as it sounds your acting like the boss and demanding he tell you who and what he spends his money on

being married is all about sharing and respecting each other

DrScotsman

kaya wrote: »

i cant believe that people who are married still have his n hers bank accounts and savings in this day and age !!!!!

This day and age? IMO you have it backwards; nowadays couples getting together are usually both used to handling money individually, and they aren't exactly likely to just merge their finances cold turkey the moment they get married. Surely it's in the past where it was more likely that only one person in a couple would cope with the money and hence have accounts for the whole family? (Especially considering that men and women weren't considered as equal back then, let's face it)

confusedroast

I just left a message telling him I love him, I miss him and that I will see him tonight

euronorris

confusedroast wrote: »

dont get me wrong if he has meetings up then I give him his card, we have only been doing it this month so I can where the money is going, eg I have been writing down every single item we both spend, even on a £2 local shop on bread and milk! Every single thing is written down, so far I saw last month on his bank statement that he would take out £50 then two days later £20 then another £20 a few days later, when I asked where it went he cant remember hence why I have the card and write everything down

I understand why you are trying this method, but I think it will only lead to more problems. ie, he'll feel like a child, he'll rebel and, most importantly, he won't learn anything about budgeting himself!

jamespir

confusedroast wrote: »

dont get me wrong if he has meetings up then I give him his card, we have only been doing it this month so I can where the money is going, eg I have been writing down every single item we both spend, even on a £2 local shop on bread and milk! Every single thing is written down, so far I saw last month on his bank statement that he would take out £50 then two days later £20 then another £20 a few days later, when I asked where it went he cant remember hence why I have the card and write everything down

do you know how humilliating that sounds
if he cant rember he cant remember