ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

confusedroast

thanks peachy - just waiting for him to get in now....
We do have our moments of ups and downs, I bet you any money he will come in and give me a big kiss and apologise....or he will be grumpy still and have it out with me OR I will just go straight out to let him stew...then I will get a text later when he has finished dd dream feed telling me houw much he loves me lol
x

Lance

confusedroast wrote: »

Yes I know he had problems with money when I marrried him, I married him because I love him, I didnt marry him to change him, OUR circumstances have changed.

But he hasn't! He had problems with money when you met him and he still does. You bailed him out although he does not appear to be too worried about paying the £2500 back. Did you discuss him changeing and give it a trial run before changeing the circumstances? Sorry but I think your husband may well have problems with money in the future.

confusedroast

Lance wrote: »

But he hasn't! He had problems with money when you met him and he still does. You bailed him out although he does not appear to be too worried about paying the £2500 back. Did you discuss him changeing and give it a trial run before changeing the circumstances? Sorry but I think your husband may well have problems with money in the future.

NOT if I grab it by the money bag (ball bag):eek: now!
I am managing the money, we are not cncelling our holiday - we HAVE to be out the house whilst the loft is done AND we havent had a holiday since our honeymoon! A LONG time ago

gratefulforhelp_2

Um, confused roast maybe you need to discuss the fundamental beliefs you both hold about marriage and money.

It seems to be either you each have separate money (your own savings for example, and his own spending money) or you both pool all your resources, which still means you can each have your own spending money, but it is equal, and your savings are his savings also?

Please be aware (as I was in this position) that if you get divorced from someone who spends all the cash that comes his way, but you save, savings are likely to be treated as a joint asset in divorce.

Huge good luck this evening/weekend.

confusedroast

my savings are not his savings end of
When we discussed me putting him on the mortgage he has said he doest want ANY of my money, I said about sorting out a document if we were to split, he wasnt interested, I still said we should do it

Still waiting for him to get in.....gonna have to put dd to bed as its late for her now

*Louise*

confusedroast wrote: »

my savings are not his savings end of

From a legal point of view, (in the case of a divorce) they would be considered half his, unless he had signed away any claim on the money...

But that's on the pesssimistic side, hope everything goes well for you when he gets in

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And as it stands, without any agreement, what happens if something goes wrong? That's right, he gets as much as his solicitor is prepared to fight for. Just because he says he doesn't want it now, doesn't mean things can't change in the future, which they very well could if you 'start putting your foot down'.

He is, after all, working and supporting you, even if he's rubbish after payday, the fact is that he is putting money in at the end of every month, something which you aren't doing at the moment. That has to count for something legally, even if this does appear on the surface to be some kind of distorted mother/son relationship at the moment.

I hope you sort it out.

pukkamum

my DH and i were like this i was concentrating on paying bills saving etc and he was just spending.
After rows i realised he was just assuming everything was ok as bills were being paid etc.
So we came to an agreement where by i would take 'housekeeping' every week (DH paid weekly so this worked obv monthly if DH paid monthly).
We have a joint account and i have a separate account into which CHB and CTC paid.
Out of this i pay some bills gas, electric, water and sky.DH pays the rest out of his wage all DD.
I also take £150 per week out of the joint account for food, stuff for house kids, etc.
Anything i have left in my bank i do as i wish with and anything DH has he does as he wishes, but we also both save i save £20 per week DH £30.
More often than not we won't spend our excess and we will always pay out of our 'pot' if money needed, but we find it a good compromise.
We both feel in control and we both have our own 'spends' that we don't need to justify.

nuttybabe

Hi

I know what its like! My Dh will just spend spend spend and I did the same as you (giving up a higher income to stay at home) although we have always had a joint bank account (his money went in, mine went into my own account!!! :P) as I insisted when he moved into MY house!!!

Anyway, is there any way you can scare him into sticking to a budget? Maybe letting him go overdrawn and just saying there are no savings left, he now has to pay the charges out of next months wages so will have less left! Not ideal I know but that might make him understand!!

Just a thought!

Kay_Peel

I would resent the fact that my savings were considered "ours" while my partner's earnings were considered "his", to spend as he wants to. I would be even more resentful if he frittered his money away on golf trips and the like, did not make any attempt to pay down his debts and became totally dependent on me to keep the family going.

Personally, I would be scared to death at the thought of increasing debts and diminishing savings. What happens when the savings are spent? What will the future look like in 2, 5 or 10 years time if something doesn't change?

If I couldn't do anything about my partner's attitude to money - because he refuses to face facts and prefers to continue spend-spend-spending - then I would do everything possible to preserve my savings for the disaster that is just waiting round the corner.

I'd cancel the loft conversion - what a waste of money that will be in the event that my partner defaults on the mortgage and the flat is repossessed. I would not dip into my savings for a holiday this year - I might be more in need of a break when I'm fending off creditors next year.

I'd be prepared for the worst and preserve what I had while I wasn't earning and while my partner was draining all our hard-earned cash on himself.

More importantly, I'd see that the relationship was a doomed one until such time as we agreed on how to manage "our" money.