ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

G51shopaholic

when you say you agreed to give up work to have a baby did you not think this would affect your income?

That would have been the time to talk money - he seems to think he can trot on as if nothing has changed - sounds like he needs a kick up the !!!!!

You are left holding the baby and he's out galavanting with god knows who -

lynzpower

sulkisu wrote: »

If you were due to leave in a couple of weeks after 5 March and going away for two weeks, you should be in Gran Canaria as we speak.

You also posted the following on another thread on 2/3/10 about PPI.

Mine is sickness, redundancy and job loss (sacked or dont pass probation) I paid £80 a month for 4 years then I got made redundant and now claim £2000 a month! I thhink its the best thing I ever took out!

Yet on this thread you said that you were only receiving £160 per week in WTC and CTC. So is it £2000 a month of £160 a week?

Confused? Clearly.

Edit: In fact don't bother to answer that - does anyone else feel 'taken for a ride?'

I think your comments are out of order to be honest.

I can totally understand where the OP is coming from. Although we are not married - we live as married and have been together for 5 years. We have a complex arrangement with our finances, sometimes its confusing for us, let alone people who do it differently. It started as complex as we both had debts that we did not want the other person to be responsible for. We are both out of commercial debt, but OH has a debt to me of around 3k, this is as I paid off his cahoot loan with it, and we went on an expensive holiday that he felt he couldn't ask me to pay for.

Having said that when this money is paid back it will be spent on something for us together - such as our house deposit.

I can completely understand why it makes sense for us to have seperate savings too. If my OH was out spending 90 a day on golf and I wasnt - Im pleased I have my own savings, Ive decided I want to do a Masters, its nice I dont have to ask him to cut back further on his own hobbies to let me do mine.

I can also understand If I was in the OPs shoes and receiving a 2k pcm income I think me & OH would decide that income *in my name* would go towards eg the loft conversion or some other large spend that *I* had saved for. This is because I'm better with finances, and I search for best savings provider,make sure the money is actually saved etc.

I do think though there is a key issue with the mortgage that I'm not sure anyone has picked up on? Have your feelings towards his attitude to money flared up all the more as last week you put him on the mortgage and his spending more unreliable than ever? If so I can really understand your feelings of being unsettled by that.

I could write a book here about all the things to me that sound really familiar,my relationship financially drive along much of the same lines. I think we survive it by trying as hard as we can to get it right BEFORE we have a baby but then that's only because I'm probably a lot more cautious now than Ive ever been.

PM me anytime OP x

sulkisu

lynzpower wrote: »

I think your comments are out of order to be honest.

I can totally understand where the OP is coming from. Although we are not married - we live as married and have been together for 5 years. We have a complex arrangement with our finances, sometimes its confusing for us, let alone people who do it differently. It started as complex as we both had debts that we did not want the other person to be responsible for. We are both out of commercial debt, but OH has a debt to me of around 3k, this is as I paid off his cahoot loan with it, and we went on an expensive holiday that he felt he couldn't ask me to pay for.

Having said that when this money is paid back it will be spent on something for us together - such as our house deposit.

I can completely understand why it makes sense for us to have seperate savings too. If my OH was out spending 90 a day on golf and I wasnt - Im pleased I have my own savings, Ive decided I want to do a Masters, its nice I dont have to ask him to cut back further on his own hobbies to let me do mine.

I can also understand If I was in the OPs shoes and receiving a 2k pcm income I think me & OH would decide that income *in my name* would go towards eg the loft conversion or some other large spend that *I* had saved for. This is because I'm better with finances, and I search for best savings provider,make sure the money is actually saved etc.

I do think though there is a key issue with the mortgage that I'm not sure anyone has picked up on? Have your feelings towards his attitude to money flared up all the more as last week you put him on the mortgage and his spending more unreliable than ever? If so I can really understand your feelings of being unsettled by that.

I could write a book here about all the things to me that sound really familiar,my relationship financially drive along much of the same lines. I think we survive it by trying as hard as we can to get it right BEFORE we have a baby but then that's only because I'm probably a lot more cautious now than Ive ever been.

PM me anytime OP x

Linzpower

I'm sorry but which comments are you referring to as being out of order? Either you misread my post (even though you quoted it in your post) or you are mixing me up with someonelse. I didn't say anything about OP and her husband having separate banking arrangements etc - as it happens, I wholeheartedly agree with it. I didn't mention debts, loft conversions or anything else that you have commented on.

The post that you quoted in your message (the one where you say that I am out of order), all I have done is point out the inconsistencies in OP story. On 2 March in another thread, OP states that she was made redundant and is claiming £2000 per month in PPI, yet on this thread (read her first few posts) she says that she is only receiving £160 a month. in CTC and CB. The main reason for OP's post in the first place was the fact that she was expected to pay for xyz, despite receiving a mere £40 a week in benefits.

Also, on this thread, OP mentions trying to pay for the the holiday in the Maldives, but on another thread, in a post dated 5 March, OP says that she has just booked 2 weeks in Gran Canaria and leaves in a couple of weeks. I pointed out that by my calculations, she should be in Gran Canaria as we speaK.

I was simply pointing out that her posts conflict - are you saying that you don't think that they do? You might want to read the thread again, or at the very least read my posts again because my words have no bearing on your response. I guess it's late and we're all tired .

SuziQ

I agree with sulkisu, having read the OP's other posts I think we either have someone here with a very bad memory, or a total fantasist. So many discrepancies-loft conversions for £15,000,then £25,000, different holiday destinations, buying 4 bed detached house in the Kent countryside for £180,000 ,geting £2,000 on an employment insurance policy/living off only CTC and CB, the property split is either 70/30 or 80/20 depending on whichever thread you read-it really frustrates me that people come on these sites and do this, not even having the intelligence (Lawyer, indeed!) to realise that all their posts are visible for anyone who gets suspicious.

It makes people get to the point where they don't want to post and offer advice as they think 'if this is a wind-up,what's the point?'

Steel_2

sulkisu wrote: »

If you were due to leave in a couple of weeks after 5 March and going away for two weeks, you should be in Gran Canaria as we speak.

You also posted the following on another thread on 2/3/10 about PPI.

Mine is sickness, redundancy and job loss (sacked or dont pass probation) I paid £80 a month for 4 years then I got made redundant and now claim £2000 a month! I thhink its the best thing I ever took out!

Yet on this thread you said that you were only receiving £160 a week in WTC and CTC. So is it £2000 a month or £160 a week?

Confused? Clearly.

Edit: In fact don't bother to answer that - does anyone else feel 'taken for a ride?'

Edit: Apologies, I should have said £160 per month, not per week.

Just been back on OP previous posts and sure enough, she claims she's receiving £2k a month from PPI insurance.

Does your husband know this after you've pleaded poverty and forced him into the position of forking out the bill money? Are you quietly paying the money into your savings account hoping he won''t find out, perhaps telling yourself it's yours after all the money you've spent bailing him out? Or is this a grand sneaky plan to make him 'more financially responsibility'? Alternatively maybe this is the money you both intend to use for your loft conversion?

By the way, does you PPI insurer know you haven't gone back to work because of pregnancy and childbirth? I was under the impression that they pay until you find a new job and don't generally pay out if you deliberately stay away from working to be a SAHM??

Something stinks here honey and it isn't your baby's nappies.

ChrisCobra

ChrisCobra wrote: »

This post smells. Troll food needs to be stopped immediately.

From page 6

Its like an episode of Neighbours.

*Louise*

Oh what a tangled web we weave........

Steel_2

I really like the quote you have in your signature Louise.

sulkisu

*Louise* wrote: »

Oh what a tangled web we weave........

Tangled is an understatement. OP posted this yesterday at 9.36 on another thread -

Once dd is awake am off to ally pally (Alexandra Palace) for a nice walk and off to the farmers market, hubby is playing golf so should be back when we get home and then he can help me put tomoato plants out!

Sounds quite happy, doesn't she - considering that at the same time she was on this thread, !!!!!ing and moaning about him and his golf and apparently distraught and upset. So sad.

Edit : I have now officially stopped feeding the damned troll. God I'm green!!

lynzpower

sulkisu wrote: »

Tangled is an understatement. OP posted this yesterday at 9.36 on another thread -

Once dd is awake am off to ally pally (Alexandra Palace) for a nice walk and off to the farmers market, hubby is playing golf so should be back when we get home and then he can help me put tomoato plants out!

Sounds quite happy, doesn't she - considering that at the same time she was on this thread, !!!!!ing and moaning about him and his golf and apparently distraught and upset. So sad.

Actually if you look back at that same time, OP was defending her husband on this thread, saying that had had a good conversation and was looking forward to him getting back from golf. I was posting on the veg thread at the same time ( you probably saw) It seemed to me that OP was wanting to spruce up and have a good day, planting and walking.

After telling her it would be cheaper to play as more people came he still spent 90.00. He also didnt come home when expected sand expected a lift. The situation deteriorated then ( the evening)

I think the way you talk about OP is the issue for me- thats what makes it sound so out of order.

You just sound so very judgemental. "so sad"