ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

lynzpower

confusedroast wrote: »

He has just told me he has spent £90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does he feel about spending this?

Irritated you ask?
Guity- its really hit home how irresponsible he has been
Ashamed - he had no control
Confused- he knows hes wrong but doesnt know what to do to make it better?
Or something else?

Hang on in there hun- thinking of you xx

confusedroast

there is nothing to pay til thursday (bar some milk and bread) I just bourhg the subject up how I have tried this month and he hasnt elped me at all and he went mad I have just told him he has to look at the finances and do it himself as I am cracking up and if he doesnt I do want a divorce
I am not a mug and I willl not put up with this !!!!! anymore

*Louise*

confusedroast wrote: »

He has just told me he has spent £90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then he has £10 left until payday, let him get on with it, if he runs out - DON'T bail him out again.

confusedroast

I have said - your taking me for a mug, you have £10 left and that has to last you til thursday, I am NOT helping you out anymore - you knew how much money you had left and YOU chose to spend 90% of it - now you deal with thse consequences

lynzpower

What did he say to that CR?

74jax

confusedroast wrote: »

I have said - your taking me for a mug, you have £10 left and that has to last you til thursday, I am NOT helping you out anymore - you knew how much money you had left and YOU chose to spend 90% of it - now you deal with thse consequences

Exactly, I think you should go with this attitude. It is his money and can blow the lot in one day if he likes, it's up to him. Not everyone spends in the same way, i like to keep some back incase something comes up I want, but I know many people who get money and spend it straight away, as though they have to get rid of it fast.

But be strong, don't even hold it against him - there's nothing to hold against him really - and carry on, you were happy and snuggled on the sofa with him not that long ago, you can't keep bouncing from one feeling to another, it's not healthy.

Let him get on with his money until Thursday without your help, he can do what he wishes. You should then be able to enjoy each other's company without so many arguments.

confusedroast

Well right now I dont want to be in his company - in response to my response he just siad "Fine £10 is more than enough"
I am now sat here in the corner of the sofa whilst he is on the other side, I am NOT going to make is sandwiches, in fact I am not even going to mention it, sod it if he has no lunch tomorrow what is he going to do? Take out £10? Hmph! Oh well I am now going to go the hard way, he might take some soup or something in the morning but knowing him and his total disorganisation I doubt it

He did just say "Look I will put whatever I need to put into your account to cover the bills and mortgage and food, you tell me how much, as you only get £160 a month benefits I think you should only pay the gas and electric which is £40 and I will cover the rest"

Pitlanepiglet

Blimey love, I've only read half the thread but you're up and down like a yo-yo.

I'm not going to tell you what I think of your scenario because you seem incredibly defensive every time there are suggestions made about how things could be different and I'm not sure it's worth my time.

I will tell you my experience though in the hope it might help. We only have one income for various reasons and it's mine. My husband is a bit prone to spending money, I am still paying back his bank loan from before we were together (pre-2004). Sometimes it drives me absolutely scatty.

I do a job I hate and then spend my lunchtime walking to Asda to buy bread flour because its 10p off (or similar), I then get home to discover he's spent two hours chatting to his friends in the local coffee shop drinking frothy coffee. It kind of feels like there is only one of us rowing the boat sometimes. His favourite place for shopping is our stonkingly expensive farm shop....whereas I search for bargains in charity shops....

In the early days of this I got really worked up about it and then had to step back and realise that I had never seriously spoken to him about how it made me feel and I had never seriously spoken to him about our financial situation. He saw me as being "in control" and dealing with things and he had no real idea of how worried I was about it all and of how bad things were. I just resented him for spending money when in fairness to him he didn't know how I felt and how bad it was.

We now work on the basis that I pay all the bills including his bank loan. He used to get some money to spend but we now have a joint account (I'm 40 and it's the first time I've had a joint account with anyone!) and he spends fuel etc. on that. He is still prone to blowing money and I think that will always be a feature of our marriage.

I try hard not to be his mother though, we are adults and it is important that we deal with this as adults and that I tell him how I feel rather than assuming that he knows.

Good luck.

74jax

confusedroast wrote: »

He did just say "Look I will put whatever I need to put into your account to cover the bills and mortgage and food, you tell me how much, as you only get £160 a month benefits I think you should only pay the gas and electric which is £40 and I will cover the rest"

And is that ok with you? it sounds fair to me?

confusedroast

So he is going to pay out £1400 and have £400 leftover - I dont think he can survive on that - I will have £120 a month and that will go on dd milk and nappies