ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

*Louise*

Totally agreeing with sulkisu and saralasvegas

You have a go at posters who dare to mention the D-word, and paint a rosy picture about how great everything is.... then next thing you are saying you are going to hit the roof and he 'isn't going to come home when you are finished with him'

I am starting to feel sorry for the guy, it must be like living on an emotional roller coaster.

Oh...and can I just point out, a lot of posts referring to the 'D-Word' were in reply to you thinking your savings are your own. Most were saying IF (not when) a divorce was to occur, then legally they are not just yours. That's all.

Aruna

I think op does want advice, or at least to hear moneysavers opinions, but what i've noticed is she tends to get offended when people say what's on their mind.

Well this is a place where you will hear some home truths that that noone else (like friends or family will tell you) and it will hit some nerves, but its all in the ops best interest. If op takes each advice constructively, a few months down the line you might find yourself saying "actually, they were right".

Stick up for your man, be defensive but at the end of the day black aint blue. I trully believe some or most people who have responded here have been through what you are going through and can predict what might happen, because majority of them responded in my thread when i had an almost similar problem to yours - so be hopeful but also expect the least in terms of how your hubby is going to change/improve, for you will be so so dissapointed if you convince yourself this is a short term problem and it turns out not to be.

I sense that you desperately WANT your hubby to improve, but just wanting him to improve and believing a few sweet nothings from him for now and telling people who have taken the time to type some responses to check their glasses is a bit... (can't find the right word sorry)

My very important 2 cents - I'd suggest you stop paying or inheriting his debts.., this will strengthen your bond but the day you stop that bond will break

katglasgow

Just a couple of points based on my own experiences of marrying a guy who was crap with money and took a long time to change (long after our first child was born).
1. It needs to be a joint agreement how much money each aprtners has for their own personal spending.
2. Once the person has their "personal money" it has to be entirely up to them what they spend it on. No checking up on what they have spent, they can spend it all on the first day if they want to and have nothing left for the rest of the month that's up to them. I used to get annoyed that my DH spends his on lunches at work when he could make sandwiches like my and the kids, but that is HIS choice so I zip it!
3. I would strongly suggest that if you both feel you should be saving something out of his wages everything you agree how much and move this into a different account at the beginning of the month too.
I think some of the things you have written about your DH and you marriage are lovely. The last post not so good. I hope things work out OK x

confusedroast

AM home with him and he is putting dd to bed - he says he thinks he has spent £60

I am angry and I dont know why - am I angry cos he has spent £60 leaving only £40 OR am I angry that he said he "thinks" he has spent £60 and when I check the account tomorrow its all gone

I am not speaking to him - I have just told him that I no longer want to go to this gadget show I got him tickets for tomorrow and he has tomorrow booked off - I paid for the tickets but sod him I am now really fed up - he said FINE but am sure once he puts dd down he might say he is going on his own, am hiding the tickets am now thinking maybe I am being taken for a ride....maybe I have MUG written on my bloody forehead, am now getting upset and dont know what to do
I spose he gets paid Thursday but £40 til then...hmm I wonder if he will need cash tomorrow as he has probably spent everything...so what happens when I dont pay all the bills....

confusedroast

Sorry if I got defensive, I spose I love him and want to stick up for him but right now I am confused and dont know what to do

Smashing

confusedroast wrote: »

I am not speaking to him - I have just told him that I no longer want to go to this gadget show I got him tickets for tomorrow and he has tomorrow booked off - I paid for the tickets but sod him I am now really fed up - he said FINE but am sure once he puts dd down he might say he is going on his own, am hiding the tickets am now thinking maybe I am being taken for a ride....maybe I have MUG written on my bloody forehead, am now getting upset and dont know what to do
I spose he gets paid Thursday but £40 til then...hmm I wonder if he will need cash tomorrow as he has probably spent everything...so what happens when I dont pay all the bills....

You sound like a couple of kids. :think:

gratefulforhelp_2

confusedroast wrote: »

told my marriage will lead to divorce,

No one said it would, we were worried about you being aware of what may happen in the event that it did.

warehouse wrote: »

Get rid of this "my savings" nonsense and write off any debts you think he owes, he doesn't, you're married.
Sit down and TALK..

The OP has said her savings are hers, "end of".

*Louise* wrote: »

You have a go at posters who dare to mention the D-word, and paint a rosy picture about how great everything is.... then next thing you are saying you are going to hit the roof and he 'isn't going to come home when you are finished with him'

Oh...and can I just point out, a lot of posts referring to the 'D-Word' were in reply to you thinking your savings are your own. Most were saying IF (not when) a divorce was to occur, then legally they are not just yours. That's all.

It is a little confusing, maybe the money issue isn't the only one, and, OP, have you been checked for PND? It may be worth getting your GP to give you the questionnaire.

confusedroast

He has just told me he has spent £90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BitterAndTwisted

You can't change the past but now or quite soon might be your opportunity to change the future. Whatever he does or does not have until payday on Thursday is his problem now. You have savings so any bills due can be paid out of that for now. Between now and Thursday will be your opportunity to have a rational discussion about how you both budget properly together. If he can't or won't discuss it there are other options open to you.

74jax

I've been following this thread for a while and not really posted as everyone has said basically what I would have put anyway.

This £90 he has spent, was it his money to spend or was it marked for bills between now and Thursday when he gets paid?