ARGH!!! Husband with money and attitude!

dwichmann

kaya wrote: »

i cant believe that people who are married still have his n hers bank accounts and savings in this day and age !!!!!
we share all our money and savings, always have done, we dont have an individual income as we are a couple, we have household income, you must all have serious trust issues going on inside your relationships, if you dont trust each other with something as simple as finances what chance do you have for a long term relationship?

surely having to have a joint account shows the lack of trust? Me and my partner have separate accounts, we have agreements over who pays what and both manage our accounts sensibly.

an1179

choccybuttons wrote: »

Hi

Have not read all posts but wanted you to know this is how we work. DH had direct debit going to my account each month for an amount we agreed on. Then the money thats left in his account ie £300 etc knows that is his to spend. He think its great. He knows all the bills are paid, that the money is sitting for food etc for the month and what he has is his own is to do as he wishes. If he wants to buy a load of dvd's he can, if he wants to put a bit into his saving he does so. Its not treating him like a child its working to our strengths. Im good with organising and money; he hates sorting money. Plus his credit rating is poor so seperate accounts suit us fine. Oh and we have been married for 6 years, together 8.

I spent my first year bailing him out when his car broke etc so we organised this system. I have account for joint saving and have included that in the money he gives me so he know we have a fund if something goes wrong with his car etc. Oh and spending money is equal, we both has the same. Plus DH ditched the credit card as he ran up big debts before we met and I made it clear I wouldnt accept him doing it again as being finacially secure is important to me.

You can over come the worse money stuff if you find what works for you.

Good luck.

xxxxxxxxx

Thats a brilliant system but myOH would NOT be happy with £300 and month. I bet that would hardly last 1 week with Petrol Cigs and Beer :beer:

I am not knocking it I am envious that you can do that

CR is doesn't matter what anyone says. Only you can judge how far you can take things and how much you are prepared to put up with.your situation. I wish you all the best for the future

paddy's_mum

I'm frankly astonished that some of the people renowned on this site for their depth of understanding, compassion and straight commonsense advice have been so blithely disregarded. They've also been quietly insulted for daring to put a point of view based on their own understanding of human nature and perhaps bitter experiences.

However, there is no logic whatever in deciding that although you don't believe that you're unwittingly standing on the lip of a tall building, you'll ignore the massive chorus of "look out!" shouts on the basis that you know best and that others are just narrow-minded people getting a kick out of doom and glooming.

It's entirely true that the OP is the only one who can know the ins-and-outs of the situation and I hope that she and her husband can resolve their difficulties.


I'm off now to go and examine whether my glass is half full or half empty .... :-)

confusedroast

Dont get me wrong Paddys Mum I am all for open discussion, comments, opinions etc but when I get accused of lying (troll that I now know the name), accused of lying again when I say I dont know what troll is, told my marriage will lead to divorce, told I am being financially and meotionally abused well...
its a bit much isnt it!
Its a moey problem, EVERY SINGLE marriage has it, hell I have even had issues with friends who I have leant money to and them not to return it......I no longer lend money to freinds anymore as it causes too much friction

Today the sun is shingin and I am about to go sort out my little veg patch so my glass is half full!! ;-p

Lotus-eater

an1179 wrote: »

Thats a brilliant system but myOH would NOT be happy with £300 and month. I bet that would hardly last 1 week with Petrol Cigs and Beer :beer:

Not sure why you're happy about that.

warehouse

Get a joint account now.
Get rid of this "my savings" nonsense and write off any debts you think he owes, he doesn't, you're married.
Sit down and TALK.

Sorted, not rocket science is it.

daska

dwichmann wrote: »

surely having to have a joint account shows the lack of trust? Me and my partner have separate accounts, we have agreements over who pays what and both manage our accounts sensibly.

I'd see it as us acknowledging our weaknesses and playing to our strengths

confusedroast

BTW I dont think I have mentioned that this problem is only for the short term re money as once the conversion is done we will be selling - making around £80-£90,000, then we will NOT be buying a house to a maziumu loan but instead buying somewhere that needs complete modernising (my speciality) and a new mortgage, I have laready looked into this and we would only be paying £400-£500 a month leaving us A LOT more money each month

daska

confusedroast wrote: »

BTW I dont think I have mentioned that this problem is only for the short term re money as once the conversion is done we will be selling - making around £80-£90,000, then we will NOT be buying a house to a maziumu loan but instead buying somewhere that needs complete modernising (my speciality) and a new mortgage, I have laready looked into this and we would only be paying £400-£500 a month leaving us A LOT more money each month

Whilst the shortage of disposable income might be short term, your husband's difficulties with managing his finances are obviously long-term. Now would be a really good time to get them sorted out - one thing I do know from bitter experience is that 'things happen'. 3 years ago I would have been saying the same as you - I was the high earner, I had savings, now I'm surviving on benefits. Use this opportunity and you'll benefit in the future.

confusedroast

daska wrote: »

Whilst the shortage of disposable income might be short term, your husband's difficulties with managing his finances are obviously long-term. Now would be a really good time to get them sorted out - one thing I do know from bitter experience is that 'things happen'. 3 years ago I would have been saying the same as you - I was the high earner, I had savings, now I'm surviving on benefits. Use this opportunity and you'll benefit in the future.

What are you suggesting I do then?
What happened to you?