I'm going to kill my husband to be!!

bubbles0169

nah i think erics just putting across what him and alot of men are like, just not shells x

shell, i dont know what to say now apart from maybe you could just take a break from wedding stuff for a bit, tell him hes makin you so upset about it all so your just not into it any more and maybe in a few months you can start again
when did you set the date for? have you got time?

Emmypenny

I think many guys are simply not aware of the choices that can be made when it comes to weddings. Women are more likely to go through bridal mags, discuss options with their friends and see the details in weddings (like centrepieces etc), but men might just go on the memorable parts they've experienced at weddings in the past. He could be thinking that "Bob had a big marquee, my bro invited the whole family, therefore that's what a wedding is." He's also probably thinking that the speeches are an essential part of the process and can't be avoided.

Maybe you need to be telling him that every aspect is optional (other than the few legally required words) and you'd like to make it an enjoyable day for BOTH of you by picking and choosing what bits you want or don't want. My boss is marrying later this year and told his W2B that "if you can't eat it, drink it, or dance to it, I'm not interested". It sounds a bit harsh but it means that he's taking responsibility for those bits, and she has free reign to do what she wants elsewhere.

I'd have a think what you really want at your wedding, what you are willing to compromise on and what you'd really like to avoid. Then ask him to consider the same things. Talk through your vision for the day and ask him to think about whether his vision is similar and where it differs. If he just thinks of it as a giant party and has no visions for the early part of the day ask him to organise the DJ, band or playlist. Work out what your strengths are and work to them.

I think you should also tell him if you are happy to skip the speeches, you can always thank people individually in private or get a confident public speaker (best man, parent, or random friend for example) to read out a preprepared statement of thanks on your behalf. "X and Y wanted to relax on their special day and have asked me to read out the following message to you all..."

So, in summary, talk and listen to each other, work out what's important and what you can drop to leave some of the stress behind. Remember you might deal with communicating and planning in different ways but try and make allowances for this (up to a point!). I hope you sort it out soon - sorry for the MASSIVE post!

Emmypenny

Oh my, that's even longer than I thought it was. Sorry folks!

bubbles0169

dont apologise emmy that is really nicely done!! x

Alyssa_C_2

Took the words right out of my mouth Bubbles. Thanks Emmy!

sunshine_shell

oh no!! now you've made me cry!! i think i'm going to leave the 'public' planning and just get on with things for now and just see what happens.

RainbowDrops

Emmypenny wrote: »

Talk and listen to each other, work out what's important and what you can drop to leave some of the stress behind. Remember you might deal with communicating and planning in different ways but try and make allowances for this (up to a point!).

This is top advice.
Don't let it bubble under and annoy you, and equally, try not to confront him.
Just try to get back to a point where you're both happy.

My OH & I have been frank and clear with each other about what we do & don't want. By being upfront, each decision we make is a joint one that we don't need to go back on.

I realise you're stressed right now, but try to look at the big picture and remember what your big day is all about.

Emmypenny

sunshine_shell wrote: »

oh no!! now you've made me cry!! i think i'm going to leave the 'public' planning and just get on with things for now and just see what happens.

Ohh! Don't cry petal! *BIG HUGS!*

I guess approaching him directly about the whole thing must seem like a big task, especially as he's been prickly about it before. Remember the MSE-ers are here and can offer you some support if needed.

bubbles0169

i want a fairytale wedding and i'd love the music from 'ben and hollys little kingdom' playing in the background
i told H2B and he looked at me like id got two heads!!:eek:
i then had an out of body experiance an thought im not six, im not jordan i [STRIKE]unfortunately[/STRIKE] cant
this isnt anything to do with you but thought itd make ya smile:rotfl:

richardvc

Can I give you a bloke's perception of his wedding day -

1. It's all about the bride and what the bride wants !!!!

2. As a day, it is about her dress and her being the prettiest girl there !

Once 2 is complete please go back to 1.

To confirm this all I did was watch 5 minutes of Bridezillas !!!

As for my point of view, my wedding day was wonderful as it was very natural and we were surrounded by friends and family on a beautiful summer's day.

Everyone's memories of my wedding was about the atmosphere, the fun and the fabulous weather we had in the middle of the English countryside - nothing whatsoever to do with the dress, the food, the venue or the expense.

Ironically enough we got divorced a few years later !!

BTW, I wish you (the OP) luck and have no idea how to coax your fiance round but please remember you are marrying him because you are in love with him and nothing to do with a ceremony.