I'm going to kill my husband to be!!

sal-ad_daze

My daughter's partner just tells her all he wants to do is turn up and marry her that's it! She tries to run things by him but it's always 'whatever you want love'.
His latest plan nearly had her tearing her hair out - they're getting married in Gibraltar and we've booked an apartment in the costa del sol for a month starting a week before the wedding and his plan is to drive there in their clapped out car rather than pay out for flights and hire car! What a build up to the wedding needless to say he got short shrift! lol

Kynthia

My H2B is the same as he really doesn't want to be centre of attention. He has insisted that only our parents and siblings be at the ceremony which upset me a little but it's his wedding day too and at least I get a large reception. He has also point blank refused to do a speech, but I'm happy to do that instead.

Maybe it would be better if we had proper meetings with our fellas to discuss wedding issues instead of continously asking them their opinion on many different things at all times of the day? :rotfl:

floss2

Kynthia wrote: »

...Maybe it would be better if we had proper meetings with our fellas to discuss wedding issues instead of continously asking them their opinion on many different things at all times of the day? :rotfl:

As I said earlier, we talk wedding stuff one weekend a month - OH works away during the week so while I have 7 days to think about things, he would only get 2 days max to be bombarded with my info/questions...this way I get proper answers & he feels less overwhelmed!

sunshine_shell

yep and this is what we have arranged thanks for the idea!!

Kynthia

I think I'll try the same thing. My H2B is probably happily watching tv when I suddenly pipe up with "how many cousins do you have and were you invited to any of their weddings?" then he'll be cooking dinner and I say "what about a London theme, we can have a white taxi and a routemaster bus?". I think it throws him a little.
I also might make a list of everything and ask him what does he want to be involved in and what is he happy for me to handle on my own (with my mum and others). That way I won't leave him out of something he wants to have an opinion on and I won't be asking him about things like my hair and makeup. I read about this method somewhere.

Alyssa_C_2

I did read a good article (I think it was in Brides, feb eddition) that pretty much said, if they've proposed and made that special for you then the boys have done their bit and they don't particularly care if we pick lavender or blue for the bridesmaids and we can do what we like. It's very frustrating though and I completely agree that dear OH may be shot if he doesn't contribute :mad:
However the article really did make the point well from a man point of view and I decided to give him a bit of a break. For how long, who knows

Phyzelda

I delegated!!! Told him, he asked me to marry him, therefore he can help with the planning!! If he gets a day off I tell him to get quotes on this & that. whether we use them or not is a different matter!!
I even threaten to stop planning full stop and told him that until he was willing to help we'll postpone it! (But I knew his family members had booked hotels already )

Bennifred

I've had a little smile to myself at this thread - took me back thirty years! My H2B just wasn't interested in all the wedding "palaver" and was more than happy to leave everything to me. I remember very clearly him saying to me in exasperation "Do you want to be married or do you want a wedding?" LOL! Anyhow, the wedding happened (lovely!) and here we are thirty years later (also lovely!).

I think my point is: a wedding really isn't worth falling out or getting stressed over - if you want to organise a particular "do", don't expect the OH to join in until the last minute. It just doesn't seem to be important to some men. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be married to you and THAT is what matters!

I wish you all wonderful weddings - and even more wonderful MARRIAGES!

ixwood

I think a lot of woman don't realise that their wedding is only a big deal to them. Men generally don't want to be a prince for a day and can't be bothered with all the hassle and expense.

It's supposed to be about commiting to each other, not whether the purple table thingee's go with the bridesmaid dresses, or whether this stupid theme is better than that one, or whether gold fish bowls with pebbles in will look good.

nikki1520

How about finding something that excites him a little? I did all the preliminary looking about for venues etc with a friend, then went home and said - how about a table magician for the reception - he was so keen on that and it really helped to get him involved with other stuff. I ended up sorting most of it out, but he did sort out the suits, magician, disco and decorated the room on the morning with all the stuff I'd bought.

The other suggestion is - we had the speeches before the meal, so that then everyone knew it was all done and they could just relax. If you want to have them, this could be a way of reducing the pressure, and making sure the poor bloke actually eats something!

Maybe narrow everything down to 2 or 3 choices, then ask him to choose from them - I think asking a man to choose between 50 shades of balloons/streamers/table favours is a lot to ask?